Bad News

As a pastor I have given people all kinds of bad news over the years. I have given doctors diagnosis to families, announced the ending of relationships, I have showed up at people's doors to tell of  tragic accidents. I have done things that I never ever want to repeat ... but the news I shared today both challenged me and blessed me.

My father recently saw a neurologist for some problems he was experiencing and the doctor shared with my mother that he felt it was Parkinsons. My mother was understandably upset and after discussing it with her I decided to take the long drive to Portland so that we could tell my father what the doctor said.

My father has been a tower of strength over the years. He has been a strong and active man who shared his love of sports with his three girls. His critical head injury a year and a half ago has been a life changing event for all of us. But he has been slowly making progress, until several months ago. This news of Parkinson's shook me and as I drove to Portland today the tears poured as I thought about the reality of what this might mean for him.

As I sat with my parents today and talked about what the doctor thought he saw and what that might mean I was so proud of the people my parents are. Their strength and their honesty shapes their lives and it was very evident in how they responded to the news. Their love and their willingness to face this blessed my heart.

The reality is that this crisis will draw my family together and our love will strengthen all of us. Though this is not something I would ever want or choose for my father, it is the reality that we are faced with. I know absolutely that God is sufficient for what we face. He is sufficient for the hurt, the fear and the pain. I also know absolutely that my family is sufficient for this as well. We will come through this together .... stronger, better and looking with hope for tomorrow.

Just Connie

Getting Sharper

I was in meetings today. That in itself is nothing new since I am in meetings all the time. But these were really exciting meetings. Specifically I met with the Church Plant Oregon group. This is really an exciting group of people. Each of them are talented and strong leaders in their own right. The ideas flew and there was such marvelous energy between everyone.

I feel really fortunate to be part of this group. I believe in the verse that reminds us that iron sharpens iron. That is what we were doing today.


"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." Proverbs 27:17


Sharp is good .... sharper is even better.

Just Connie

Interview

I was interviewed today. I used to be interview all the time at the Mission. But this is the first time I had been interviewed since I had stepped back into the pastorate full time. It was very different to be interviewed for something so different.

At the Mission I always had to be on guard, to present the Mission in the best possible light, steer the interview away from "dangerous" subjects and try to come up with meaningful sound bites that would be written and/or replayed often. In this interview I was able to relax, laugh and tell stories. That was pretty fun.

I got to thinking later that of all the things I missed have about the Mission I have not missed the media. It is interesting because I never really minded that aspect of my job. As I have thought about it I realized that it is the being on guard all the time that I do not miss. I love being able to be myself and to be honest, transparent and real. I think that is an outcome of being  a pastor. We are called to that kind of life.

I honestly think I have the best job in the world.

Just Connie

Love and Hate

Here is today's sermon. The text is 1 John 4:13-21.

1 John 4:13-21



13 This is how we know that we live in him and he in us: He has given us of his Spirit. 14 And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. 15 If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God. 16 And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.


God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. 17 This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: In this world we are like Jesus. 18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.


19 We love because he first loved us. 20 Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. 21 And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister.



Love and hate .... we are called to love but we find outselves struggling witht eh reality of hate. We try to pretty it up and "christianize" it ... but the reality is that it is there regardless of what we call it. So today we are going to look at some of the characteristics and outcomes of hate.

Characteristics of Hate

1. Turmoil

2. Wishing bad things for them

3. Celebrating their failures

4. Mourning their victories

5. Can’t work with them

6. Feeling of Annoyance when they are around

7. Can’t pray for them

Outcomes of Hate

1. Broken relationships

2. Illness

3. Migraines

4. Bitterness

5. Anger

6. Unhappiness

There is only one solution to the issue of hate. It is Christ. We cannot pretty it up with Christian words… hating people is wrong. We can hate the sin, but we are called to love to the sinner. Am I willing to give up my need to be right, to be victorious, to be apologized to ….. am I willing to give it to God. Give up the illness, bitterness and receive the fullness of restoration in Christ.

Thought for Today

Hate is a choice we make,

Love is the gift God offers us in its place.

Son of My Heart

*This is a story I wrote for my son.

Son of my heart …..


Come with me, …. lean against me,

let me wrap my arms around you … let me tell you a story.

One day not so long ago, there was a woman who wished …. and prayed …. and waited for a son.

Day after day she waited. “Son of my heart,” she would say to the stars at night, “I am waiting for you. You will always be the son of my heart.”

She waited …. and waited. “Son of my heart,” she would say to the morning sun, “I am waiting for you. You will always be the son of my heart.”

Night after night she prayed, ……

And day after day she waited … and wished.

And then one day after she had waited … and wished …. … and prayed for lots of nights and lots of days … her son arrived. And she held the baby in her arms, looked into his eyes and said, “You will always be … the son of my heart.”

The woman watched the baby grow. Sometimes he was happy … and she would swing him in her arms and say to him, “You will always be …. the son of my heart.”

Sometimes he was sad, and the woman would kiss him and sometimes cry with him, and then she would whisper in his ear, “You will always be …. the son of my heart.”

The baby grew into a boy and he would run with loud growls pretending to be a dinosaur. “Son of my heart,” she would call. “Come and save me from the dinosaur.” The boy would laugh and the woman would pull him on her lap and laughingly say, “You will always be … the son of my heart.”

The boy grew and grew and the woman watched him. At night she would stand by his bed and say to him, “You will always be …. The son of my heart.”

Sometimes as the boy grew, he would get angry at the woman ….

And sometimes the woman would get angry at the boy ….

But always she would tell him, “You will always be .. the son of my heart.”

Sometimes the boy didn’t always make the right choices, and sometimes the woman would cry, …. hold him in her arms and tell him, “you will always be … the son of my heart.”

The boy grew and grew, and sometimes he would have good days .. and the woman would smile and call after him, “You will always be the son of my heart.”

Sometimes the boy would have bad days and the woman would sigh, and brush their tears away, hold his face in her hands and tell him, You will always be …. the son of my heart.”

One day when the woman put her arms around the boy, she had to stand on her tip-toes to look in his eyes. And she said to him, “You will never get too big for my heart. You will always be … the son of my heart.”

And the boy grew into a young man. And sometimes he was busy with school …. And sometimes he was busy with friends ….

And the woman would watch him and whisper, “You will always be the son of my heart.”

And then one day, …. when the boy had grown enough to understand, he bent down, wrapped his arms around the woman, looked into her eyes, and said, “You will always be …the mother of my heart.”

And the woman smiled.

Just Connie

Workout Wonder

I just got back from the gym. I noticed a wonderful thing as I worked out today. It is getting easier! And I am working out harder! That was an amazing realization. Because so far the workouts had been steady but hard to get through. Today was that wonderful point when you realize that you are making progress and some good things are happening.

So I will continue to keep at it and I will continue to make progress. That is a very good thing and you know .... I am feeling pretty good about it.

Yep ... feeling good.

Just Connie

Food Decision

In 2009 my life took on a vastly different shape. My husband left, my grandmother died, my best friend died, my mothers best friend died, I closed a church, I lost my job and my father suffered a catastrophic head injury. It was a year of great loss and turmoil.

In 2010 I began to regroup and find my way back into normalcy. But in the next year as I grieved and learned I also gained something very unexpected and unwanted ... about 30 pounds.  In the past few months I have become determined to lose these unwanted friends. To that end I gained a gym and have finally begun to fall into a regular exercise pattern again. But still the weight was not coming off and I knew I was not being very disciplined with my eating.

So today I made a momentous decision. I joined weight watchers online. I am hopeful that it will bring the structure and accountability back into my food life again. I think that a friend will also join and that will bring additional accountability.

The phrase that has been ringing in my mind today is this, "if you expect results different than you are getting, you have to change what you are doing." So I am making changes. I think they will be positive. So a new healthier eating plan and a continuation of my exercise.

This begins to seem very do-able. ... but it will probably not be as easy as I want it to be.

Kindle Uppdate

I have finished my first Kindle book. I am amazed at how quickly I am becoming accustomed to it. I still need to learn my way around a little bit more, but I am getting there. It felt really odd that first night I used it. I couldn't quite figure out how to hold it in a way that I was not pushing a button that I should not be pushing. You cannot hold it exactly like you would a book, but I found by the second night I was already adjusting to it.

So this afternoon I will order a new book and be ready tonight. I will really appreciate it when I have begun to build a library. I love to read my books over and over again. I can see that I will do the same thing with this.

The future is here and it is not all that bad. You should come and join me.

Just Connie

Kindle

I love books, I love the feel of them, I love the smell of them. Some of my best memories center around books. Reading has always been a central part of my life. Books have challenged me, brought me knowledge and deepened my understanding. They have been friends and companions when life was hard.

I knew that I would never be interested in an e-reader, because I had such a love of the books themselves. But after being challenged by my mentor, I began researching them and I finally bit the bullet and ordered one. It arrived today. I have charged it and downloaded my very first book. Tonight I will take it to bed with me and read. It is very small and very light. I have a feeling that I might really come to like this. I can listen to music on it, audio books, highlight and make notes.

It dawned on me while I was downloading my first book that this is yet another case of life mirroring Star Trek. It is hard to believe that the pretend future is here. So tonight I am exploring new territory.. "to boldly go where no man has gone before ..." Well okay thousands of people have beat me to it. But it is still uncharted territory for me.

I will let you know how my exploration turns out.

Just Connie

Love Made Complete

The text for today's sermon is found in 1 John 4:7-12

7 Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 8 Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9 This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. 10 This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. 11 Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12 No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

There are five points about love in this passage that are important for our lives.

1. Love comes from God (vs 7)
We need to understand that God is author of love. It begins in Him and ends in Him. There is no real love outside of God.

2. God is love (vs 8)
God's very nature is love.

3. God calls us to love each other (vs 7 & 11)
Love is not only the expectation of Christianity it is the reality of the infilling of the Holy Spirit. It is cause and effect.

4. If we do not love, we do not know God (vs 8)
Since it is the natural outcome of a heart and life given to Christ, if love is missing then the relationship is missing

5. God showed His love through Jesus (vs 9)
The proof of God's love for us is Jesus
What does our life prove about God? Does it prove that God is love, does it prove the life changing reality of Jesus Christ.

Thought For Today

Love is not so much a goal as an outcome.

Love is the result of Christ within

Just Connie

Timber

I am home, I am tired and man am I dirty! I took the Men's Ministry group to Aldersgate to fell some trees and clear some ground for building. We went over last night and spent a relaxing evening in front of the fire place talking. This morning we began the real work. .... the real hard work.

I would think that from all my time with this very active group I would be in much better shape. But after a day spent hauling timber and climbing over logs I find that I am already sore. I have a feeling I will be even more sore in the morning.

So I am going to go and stand under the shower for a very long time and curl up in front of the fire and rest my weary bones. Yes, I am thinking that is a very good plan.

Just Connie

Sore Subject

Being a minister is never dull. Being a woman minister is especially .... well never dull. There are all kinds of things that I face as a woman that men never have to face. I have had box boys at the grocery store ask me how I justify my call to the ministry. I have  had men tell me how offended they are by my call to the ministry. Male pastors would never face that constant justification of their ministry. Usually I am fairly laid back about it. I don' feel that I have to justify my call, it is God's job to justify my call. But sometimes ..... sometimes it hurts, sometimes it is downright annoying.

I found myself getting very annoyed today. I just wanted to sigh in frustration as I stood there and listened. I wanted to say something pithy and cutting. I wanted to tell them to get a life and worry about something worthwhile. Instead I just smiled and nodded and launched into a different subject.

I have  a feeling that all ministers probably have "sore subjects". This is one for me. I do not want to be told why my call is wrong, I do not want to be told about all the things I should not do as a woman pastor, I just want to be free to follow the call and do the best job that I can.

I think ....... "If wishes were horse than beggars would ride".

Just Connie

Today's Thoughts

I have been glued to my television for the past week. I have watched with horror as the earthquake and tsunami hit Japan. I watched my own loved ones heading for high ground on the Oregon coast and watched the surge hit our coast line. The sheer devastation has been overwhelming to take in.

Now as I watch the unfolding nuclear disaster my heart hurts for the thousands of people who are potentially in harms way. It seems to get worse each day. The news is filled with the images of crying frightened people searching for missing family members.

As I sit and watch I find that it reminds me of who God is. He is big enough for this. He is there offering comfort and hope, He is here stirring our hearts and calling us to action. He is big enough, wise enough and strong enough to meet this need. He has not forgotten or abandoned us.

I think it is time for God's people to pray, to give and to look for ways to help. There is work to do and it starts with me.

I think it is time to roll our sleeves up and get to work.

Just Connie

Earmarks of an Overcomer

It is Sunday so here is today's sermon.The text is 1 John 4:1-6.

1 John 4:1-6

1 Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world. 2 This is how you can recognize the Spirit of God: Every spirit that acknowledges that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God, 3 but every spirit that does not acknowledge Jesus is not from God. This is the spirit of the antichrist, which you have heard is coming and even now is already in the world.

4 You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world. 5 They are from the world and therefore speak from the viewpoint of the world, and the world listens to them. 6 We are from God, and whoever knows God listens to us; but whoever is not from God does not listen to us. This is how we recognize the Spirit of truth and the spirit of falsehood.

God calls us to overcome. He not only calls us, but He gives us everything we need to overcome the bumps and bruises of everyday life. This passage gives insight into the characteristics of being an overcomer. Let's look at what this passage says.

• Overcomers know they are in right relationship with God (vs 4)
• Overcomers acknowledge Jesus Christ (vs 2) 
• Overcomers recognize the Spirit of God (vs 2)
• Overcomers do not believe in the latest fads (vs 1) 
• Overcomers are not afraid to test (vs 1b)
• Overcomers know that there are false prophets out there (vs 1) 
• Overcomers rely on Scripture (vs 6)
•  Overcomers recognize the victory (vs 4)

We are overcomers. Greater is He that is in us that He that is in the world. That means we can do it. We have the grace, the power and everything we need to meet our live with victory.

Thought for the Day 

Overcoming is not a destination ….. it is a process

Just Connie

Unexpected Blessings

I had a Men's Ministry meeting today. You might think it kind of odd that I go to the Men's Ministry meeting, but it has been a real blessing ... an unexpected blessing.

Soon after I came to the Willamina Church the Chairman of the Men;s Ministry came to me and asked me if I was planning on attending the upcoming Men's meeting. I looked at him and kind of laughed and said, "uhhhhh no, I am not planning on attending the Men's meeting." He looked me in the eye and said, "Are you the pastor of just the women or are you the pastor of the men too?" Needless to say I was at the next meeting. 

The men have been welcoming and gracious to me. We have worked side by side and I have so enjoyed getting to know them. It has given me a chance to know them in a way that I would not have had otherwise.

Today as we sat chatting after the meeting I got to thinking what an unexpected blessing they were to me. A blessing that I did not seek and certainly did not expect, but a blessing none the less.

I have a feeling there are many more blessings to come. I just have to embrace them as they come.

Just Connie

Amazing People

People amaze me. Sometimes they amaze me in good ways and sometimes they amaze me in ... well not so good ways. Today I was amazed by someones behavior. How could you speak mean hurtful words and not know that they will hurt those around you?

The conversation seemed at the beginning to be fairly easy and straight forward but as I listened to the words pouring out, I quickly realized that it was not going to be simple. The words were so harsh and I could see that they were cutting to those who were listening. In that moment I stood there and struggled with how to reflect those hurtful words in a way that would not throw gasoline on the fire.

I said a quick prayer and took a deep breath and began to speak. In the end we all ended as friends. As I reflect on it, it brings to mind how often as a pastor I am called to reflect someones words back to them. It is often uncomfortable but really important. Words are powerful and I believe we are called to use our words to give life not death.

and giving life is a very good thing.

Just Connie

Movie Night

I am curled up in front of the fire watching educational programming .... "Escape to Witch Mountain". This is my kind of movie. It is light and fun and I am sure it will have a good ending. In my opinion that is how all movies should. I do not want to cry and I do not want my social consciousness raised, I just want to be entertained.

So here I sit with my doggies curled up around me as I  enjoy a quiet evening at home. I think the only thing that is missing is some popcorn. Perhaps it is time to go and pop some.

Just me

Community Project

We have chosen the community project. We will be placing benches around the three communities of Willamina, Sheridan and Grand Ronde. We will have one year to gather our funding and support for this project.

One of the things the Ford Foundation is doing through this leadership training is teaching us how to undertake community projects effectively and energize the entire community. I have a feeling that this will not be a dull task.

I find that I am tired after two full days of being stretched and learning. But it is a good type of tired. I think it is probably very good for me.

Just me

Herded

I am in meetings for two days. One day is done and one more full day to go. This has been an interesting process. I find that I  get frustrated at times with the actual process. I am feeling herded and I find that I do not like that feeling at all.

Part of what we are doing is choosing a community project that we will tackle. Something around $10,000 that will have great opportunity for community involvement. It is intersting to hear what people's  interests and passions are.

So tomorrow we will be choosing "the final project". I am working hard to set aside my irritation and just let it develop with someone else "driving the boat".

I think that there is much I can learn as I am herded through this.

Just Connie

Reflections of the Past

Days like today are like sitting and staring at my reflection in a pool. The reflection just sits there rippling on the surface ... sometimes reflecting something I want to see and sometimes reflecting back to me something I would rather not see.

I have found my thoughts reflecting back images from the past I would rather forget. Scenes of fear, of tears of bruises and confusion all wrapped up in an overwhelming sense of shame. I do not enjoy these images, but I think that I need to remember. I need to remember to keep myself safe. I need to remember so that I will pray for my former spouse. I need to remember for all the other women who are still trapped in cages of fear and loathing.

So I guess I will reflect and remember. I will let it be what it is and not try to "pretty it up".

Just Connie

Surprised by Hurt

I was surprised by hurt today. The kind of hurt that takes your breath away and causes your eyes to fill with instant tears. The kind of hurt that grips your heart and squeezes tight.

It began with with an e-mail from my ex-father-in-law. It is not unusual to hear from him, he is a great guy and I love him. I opened the e-mail with anticipation. Anticipation that turned into a wail when I realized what I was looking at. Photos .... photos of my husband and I happy and together. Photos of him sober and loving. Photos of us when I thought that our marriage would last forever.

I sat there and looked at "us". I was stricken once again with how much I had lost, how much had been snatched away. We were so good together and so in love. What a horrible rotten terrible crummy ending to something that started so good.

I am surprised by this hurt, surprised by the tears it brought. I really thought I was farther along than this. I was hoping I was farther along than this. I want to be farther along than this.

This was a surprise I could have done without.