Family has always been important to me. For me family has been a place to love and be loved unconditionally. As a teen I was not anxious to spread my wings and leave the warmth and safety of my family. family has been a a large part of defining who I am in the world.
About 13 years ago my life took a drastic turn that changed the entire structure of my family. The thing that had given me stability and support was suddenly gone. It thrust me into a whole new life. Unwelcome, but all too real.
I struggled to learn how to live in my new life and little by little I learned to navigate through my new world. Over time my life gained many positive things, but within me was a continual sense of grief over my "aloneness".
These past two weeks with my son has filled a void I had almost forgotten was there. It has been wonderful to have someone else in the house. Yes there are differences and it means that I must share my space, but it is worth it to have family with me once again.
So I am enjoying this time and enjoying my new family. With the realization that this is temporary, comes the realization that I need to cherish these moments. Each of these moments are gift. And I rather think that this gift will enrich my life in ways I cannot even forsee right now.
Just Connie
Monday, November 28, 2011
Friday, November 25, 2011
Thanksgiving Thoughts
It has been years since I have prepared a traditional Thanksgiving meal at my home. For 10 years I was at the Mission serving Thanksgiving to the homeless and needy. Last year I spent with my Aunt and Uncle and their family. It was good to be with them but I still yearned for a family celebration that all my family would be at. I guess in reality I yearned for how it used to be .... in my other life time.
This year with my son at home, we decided to have Thanksgiving at my place for the two of us. Early Thanksgiving morning I began baking and preparing for our meal. In between preparations we watched movies, played Wii games and relaxed. It was a good day together.
But I found even though I enjoyed my time with him there was a lingering sense of sadness for both of us. Life is very different than it was the last time we had a Thanksgiving meal together. Many of those differences represent loss and grief for us.
Each time that sense of sadness intruded I acknowledged the losses that it represented, but I made a conscious choice to not lose sight of the good that we had. I had the chance to spend Thanksgiving with my son and that is something I have not had in many years.
It reminded me of how often the hurts of my past can rob me of the joy of my present. I know that hope in Christ draws us ever forward ... but I have to choose to set my eyes on Him who offers grace and forgiveness.
It is time to look ahead ....
Just Connie
This year with my son at home, we decided to have Thanksgiving at my place for the two of us. Early Thanksgiving morning I began baking and preparing for our meal. In between preparations we watched movies, played Wii games and relaxed. It was a good day together.
But I found even though I enjoyed my time with him there was a lingering sense of sadness for both of us. Life is very different than it was the last time we had a Thanksgiving meal together. Many of those differences represent loss and grief for us.
Each time that sense of sadness intruded I acknowledged the losses that it represented, but I made a conscious choice to not lose sight of the good that we had. I had the chance to spend Thanksgiving with my son and that is something I have not had in many years.
It reminded me of how often the hurts of my past can rob me of the joy of my present. I know that hope in Christ draws us ever forward ... but I have to choose to set my eyes on Him who offers grace and forgiveness.
It is time to look ahead ....
Just Connie
Monday, November 21, 2011
Something
I just found out something that frightens me. I can feel the fear making my heart race, as I think about all the possibilities. I checked all the doors and windows and now I am curled up on the couch with Hope Puppy. As I reflect on this fear that is gripping me several things come to mind.
Just Connie
- Fear is a response that God gave me to help keep me safe.
- Fear can be a catalyst for positive change.
- Fear can be paralyzing.
- Fear can destroy my peace of mind.
Just Connie
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
A Man in the House
Over the years of my singleness, there have been certain things that have been pretty overwhelming for me on my own. Things like doors that will not open, locks that won't lock, broken moldings, leaky roofs and so on. Every once in a while I will ask for help when something gets in a critical state, but I never really share all the 101 little things that are actually wrong with the house when they come to work on something. I always have this slight feeling of embarrassment that I cannot do this myself. Or perhaps it would be accurate to say that I feel I should be able to do this.
Over the last week, it became evident that I would soon have a house guest. Yesterday my guest arrived .... my 28 year old son and his dog Hennesee. My song Tony has not even been here a full day yet and already there is a huge difference in having a man around the house.
He started by fixing my entry closet that would not open and close. Today he is cleaning out my garage and starting a burn pile. He has already made a list of doors that are warped, paint that is uneven and was happily making a long list of repairs that he can do.
I am discovering that even though it interrupts my daily routine, I really like having someone in the house. I am looking forward to cooking a dinner for someone besides me and having someone to converse with over dinner.
In fact I think I might be able to get used to having a man in the house. This is rather nice ....
Just Connie
Over the last week, it became evident that I would soon have a house guest. Yesterday my guest arrived .... my 28 year old son and his dog Hennesee. My song Tony has not even been here a full day yet and already there is a huge difference in having a man around the house.
He started by fixing my entry closet that would not open and close. Today he is cleaning out my garage and starting a burn pile. He has already made a list of doors that are warped, paint that is uneven and was happily making a long list of repairs that he can do.
I am discovering that even though it interrupts my daily routine, I really like having someone in the house. I am looking forward to cooking a dinner for someone besides me and having someone to converse with over dinner.
In fact I think I might be able to get used to having a man in the house. This is rather nice ....
Just Connie
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Tough Meeting
I was in a really tough meeting today. That is not unusual, as a pastor I am in a lot of meetings and the law of averages say that some of them have to be tough. So today was the day.
Today was tough, people yelled at each other, some walked out and the rest of us dropped our heads and tried to ride it out. I came out of the meeting realizing several things.
I realized that some people have the people skills of a wildebeast. If there was a kind way to say something and an agressive way to say something, agression seemed to always be the winner.
I realized that some people are so wounded that the conflict was a very personal, hurtful experience.
I also realized that it was very different to have conflict when I was not leading the meeting. That meant that I was not the responsible party to reign things in. However I found that I wanted to be.
All in all the meeting made me sad, brought some concerns to the surface and reminded me that a diverse group of people have diverse outlooks and personalities.
Now the trick will be to somehow keep us all friends in the process ...
Just Connie
Today was tough, people yelled at each other, some walked out and the rest of us dropped our heads and tried to ride it out. I came out of the meeting realizing several things.
I realized that some people have the people skills of a wildebeast. If there was a kind way to say something and an agressive way to say something, agression seemed to always be the winner.
I realized that some people are so wounded that the conflict was a very personal, hurtful experience.
I also realized that it was very different to have conflict when I was not leading the meeting. That meant that I was not the responsible party to reign things in. However I found that I wanted to be.
All in all the meeting made me sad, brought some concerns to the surface and reminded me that a diverse group of people have diverse outlooks and personalities.
Now the trick will be to somehow keep us all friends in the process ...
Just Connie
Monday, November 7, 2011
Hunt For Gold 2011
I spent the afternoon traversing canyons, crawling under and over logs and gazing out over misty vistas. I was hunting ... hunting for elusive gold. The hunt had pulled me out of my office and lured me to remote hills on a rainy November afternoon. Hope puppy was bouncing at my side as searched through moss and ferns for that glint of gold.
We hiked and searched and then .... there it was .... a beautiful golden Chantrelle mushroom. I knelt and pulled my knife out as I softly pulled the moss and pine needles away. It was with great satisfaction that I continued the search.
Four hours later, tired, wet, muddy and satisfied I loaded a very happy Hope Puppy and 6 pounds of fresh mushrooms into my rig.
I really enjoy these treks, it is a lot like a treasure hunt. But even more than the fresh mushrooms, I love being outside. I love the smell of fir trees and damp moss. I love the gentle patter of rain as I see misty vistas that not everyone gets to see.
It is good to have an excuse to be out in the fresh air and the woods that I love .... I wonder what I can hunt after mushrooms are out of season?
Just Connie
Four hours later, tired, wet, muddy and satisfied I loaded a very happy Hope Puppy and 6 pounds of fresh mushrooms into my rig.
I really enjoy these treks, it is a lot like a treasure hunt. But even more than the fresh mushrooms, I love being outside. I love the smell of fir trees and damp moss. I love the gentle patter of rain as I see misty vistas that not everyone gets to see.
It is good to have an excuse to be out in the fresh air and the woods that I love .... I wonder what I can hunt after mushrooms are out of season?
Just Connie
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Why I Believe
It is Sunday and here is today's sermon.
"Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have." 1 Peter 3:15
Here we are called to be prepared to tell people why we beleive. Here are 11 reasons I believe.
1. Because of creation itself
2. Because of the miracle of life
3. Because of Scripture
4. Because of love
5. Because I have been forgiven.
6. Because I have been changed.
7. Because I have been healed
8. Because of science
9. Because it improves my life
10. Because it improves the lives of those around me
11. Because it’s real.
Because it is real, because God evidences Himself in my heart and in my life …. In the lives of other Christians. Because life is better, sweeter, richer in Christ.
"Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have." 1 Peter 3:15
Here we are called to be prepared to tell people why we beleive. Here are 11 reasons I believe.
1. Because of creation itself
2. Because of the miracle of life
3. Because of Scripture
4. Because of love
5. Because I have been forgiven.
6. Because I have been changed.
7. Because I have been healed
8. Because of science
9. Because it improves my life
10. Because it improves the lives of those around me
11. Because it’s real.
Because it is real, because God evidences Himself in my heart and in my life …. In the lives of other Christians. Because life is better, sweeter, richer in Christ.
Thought For Today
What we believe should shape our lives,
guide our steps and give hope for tomorrow.
What do you believe?
Saturday, November 5, 2011
The New Neighbor
It started out as a very normal morning. I got up, built a fire, got ready for work and then went out in the cold morning mist to wheel the garbage can to the street. The thumping bumping noise rang out in the early morning stillness. The noise and commotion unfortunately startled my new neighbor. It was a neighbor that I did not even realize had moved in.
I learned quickly that it was a really bad idea to startle my new neighbor.The first I knew of the coming disaster was a quick movement in the culvert next to the road. I caught a glimpse of black and white as the stench filled the air. I beat a fast retreat to the house with my eyes and nose streaming in protest. I took inventory of the damage and realized that the skunk ....... had missed me.
Luckily my new neighbor had missed me. I came out of the encounter very well. My garbage can that was actually between the irate skunk and myself ....... not so good.
This gives the term stinky garbage a whole new meaning .....
Just Connie
I learned quickly that it was a really bad idea to startle my new neighbor.The first I knew of the coming disaster was a quick movement in the culvert next to the road. I caught a glimpse of black and white as the stench filled the air. I beat a fast retreat to the house with my eyes and nose streaming in protest. I took inventory of the damage and realized that the skunk ....... had missed me.
Luckily my new neighbor had missed me. I came out of the encounter very well. My garbage can that was actually between the irate skunk and myself ....... not so good.
This gives the term stinky garbage a whole new meaning .....
Just Connie
Thursday, November 3, 2011
People Thoughts
I love people. I love their differences and the way they enrich my life. But sometimes ....... every once in a while ..... people drive me crazy!
I should have a deep appreciation for people at every point of difference. But the reality is that sometimes those very differences grate on me. Sometimes I cannot wrap my head around what in the world they are thinking .... or understand the words they are saying. Then there are all the underlying motives and agendas. At times it makes me want to pound my head on my desk.
So tonight I admit that people drive me crazy! Hopefully that will be enough to keep me from pounding my head on my desk.
Just Connie
I should have a deep appreciation for people at every point of difference. But the reality is that sometimes those very differences grate on me. Sometimes I cannot wrap my head around what in the world they are thinking .... or understand the words they are saying. Then there are all the underlying motives and agendas. At times it makes me want to pound my head on my desk.
So tonight I admit that people drive me crazy! Hopefully that will be enough to keep me from pounding my head on my desk.
Just Connie
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
More Time
There are some days that there are just not enough hours in the day to get it all done. There are some weeks that there are not enough days to get it all done, This week really needs a couple of extra days in it because there is no way I am going to get it all done in just 7 days.
But that is not all that rare of an occurrence for me. It is not all that rare for any pastor. Our days fill up fast. This week has been filled with counseling appointments, meetings, organizing, events, problems and this is only Wednesday.
Tomorrow I will begin with some writing, then meet another community leader to paint some peg boards for the upcoming Art Tour, then meet with a couple of people to plan an agenda for a brand new community ministry, following that is the Pastor Cabinet meeting ..... and following that I will hopefully be trundling to bed.
Yep ... I need more days in the week ...... I wonder though if that would really help.
Just Connie
But that is not all that rare of an occurrence for me. It is not all that rare for any pastor. Our days fill up fast. This week has been filled with counseling appointments, meetings, organizing, events, problems and this is only Wednesday.
Tomorrow I will begin with some writing, then meet another community leader to paint some peg boards for the upcoming Art Tour, then meet with a couple of people to plan an agenda for a brand new community ministry, following that is the Pastor Cabinet meeting ..... and following that I will hopefully be trundling to bed.
Yep ... I need more days in the week ...... I wonder though if that would really help.
Just Connie
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