Sick and Sick

I finally made the decision to go to the doctor. I always wait until I am very sure that there is a problem that I cannot fix until I go in. Because the reality is that without insurance it costs me $120 to just walk in the door. But I clearly was getting worse, not better after 11 days so in I went.

He found that I was right in that I do have a sinus infection but he also found that I was at 50% lung function. So they did a nebulizer treatment and then checked my lung function again. I could tell that it was easier for me to breath but my lung function was still just over 50%. I went home $260 poorer and with a sack of medications. Also with his warning ringing in my ear about my genetic predispoistion for asthma.

I have actually stayed in bed all day yesterday and today. My head is splitting but I can already tell the difference. The antibiotics are beginning to work. I am still wheezing like an asthmatic pug dog and I am hoping that will get better in the next couple of days. I see the doctor again next week ... sigh. This is not the time of year that I really wanted to spend $400 on medical bills.

But regardless, I am thankful for the ability to pay the doctor and the miracle of antibiotics. And I think that thankful is a very good thing to be ....

Just Connie

Virus

For the last week I have been fighting a virus. It means that my voice comes and goes, I have a world class headache and  a deep hacking cough. This is taking way too much energy and time in a very busy week. I have a lot of writing to do and I am having trouble trying to convince my mind to focus through the cold meds.

Today I came home early from the office and crawled into bed and took a nap. It is now only 7:00 but I am thinking that it is about time for me to go bed. My head hurts and I have no energy at all.

I have to admit that it is hard for me to just unplug and lay low and let my body fight the virus. I would like to think that the world cannot survive without me. But the reality is that it could.

Now I just have to convince myself to do it. Perhaps I will start with sleeping in tomorrow and take it from there.

Now will my body cooperate with that plan ....

Just Connie

Locked In

I sighed and rolled out of bed. My clock said it was 6 am and that meant it was time to get up and get my day started. I blearily stumbled to my bedroom door and turned the doorknob .... nothing happened. I looked down in disbelief at my hand as I jiggled the door knob. For the next 10 minutes I pushed, jiggled and turned the knob trying to get my door opened. The door stayed stubbornly locked.

I began pounding on the door hoping that my son would hear me from his room. I knew I had been successful when I heard him come barreling out of his room ready to shoot the intruders who were trying to break in. I stood there with my head against the door saying, "It's me! It's me! I am locked in my room". His response was  ... "What do you mean, you're locked in?" As I struggled to form a response to that was even slightly socially acceptable, I finally choked out, "Locked in ... like the door will not open".

So for the next 20 minutes he jiggled the door knob from his side and I tried from my side. He finally decided to force it open .... that only put a hole in the door where his shoulder hit it. He finally went in and put his boots on and kicked the door knob until it broke.

I then went and got my screw driver and took the whole door knob assembly off the door so it would not lock me back into my room. As I did that it dawned on me that if I had had a screw driver set in my bedroom I could have avoided a lot of the mornings events. Note to self....  new screw driver set is now on my Christmas List.

Now I need to go shopping for a new bedroom door and a new door knob. Hopefully I will be able to find something that will not decide to arbitrarily lock me into my bedroom.

Hmmm ... I wonder if it was sabotage, do doorknobs take bribes?

Just Connie

Shoveling

I am wet, muddy, tired and sore. I also am filled with a sense of accomplishment. I spent most of the day shoveling gravel ... gravel that is now filling in the plumbing trenches. It is another step forward in finishing our Kitchen Project at the church.

I have to admit that in many ways it is a really nice break to do something that is so finite and measurable as shoveling gravel. You just keep shoveling until the gravel is all gone. It also feels good to do something so physical. I am very glad that I have the ability to still do things like that. I know many men and women my age who would be unable to spend a few hours shoveling wet gravel like that. I guess it makes me feel young .... well while I was doing it. Because right now my body is tired and sore and reminding me that I do not often use those muscles.

So today I will go to bed early and enjoy the good feeling of going to bed tired.

Tomorrow ... there is still a little shoveling to do.

Just Connie

Reminder

I got a reminder yesterday ... of a very painful truth. It is no one's fault .... it is just a reality I like to think is not really there. But yet it is. It is a reality that sits there, squat and ugly and staring me in the face this morning. I do not like, I do not want it ... but there it sits.

So now the question that I am grappling  with "Is there anything I can do about this?" I know that I cannot change other people ... I can only change me. Sometimes that means that relationships are not really the way I want them to be .... the way I long for them to be. Sometimes it means that there is work that I need to do on me. And sometimes it means that I just have to accept the reality that I am faced with.

For now, I am laying at the feet of Jesus. Asking for wisdom, asking for strength ... asking for love enough for even this ....

Just Connie

Sometimes... Now

Sometimes life hurts ... this is one of those times. It just hurts and though I am trying to find the value in feeling these feelings, I have to admit that I do not like it. I do not want to feel this.

But in this hurting I still choose to trust that God loves me.

And for now ... let that be enough.

Just Connie

Weekend With Hayden

I spent the weekend with my grandson, Hayden. I do not often have the opportunity to spend time alone with him. It was wonderful! We played, and ate and went to church together and he reminded me so much of his daddy at that age.

Little Hayden's big thing right now is Spiderman. He is always perching on the edge of things and crawling around like Spiderman. I know if he could, he would also be walking on the ceilings. At one point I told him "no" and out of the corner of my eye I saw him shoot me with web. I know that in his his two year old mind he was seeing his Noni all wrapped up and put away in spiderweb.

I am so thankful for the time I do get to spend with this little guy. How I wish I got to see more of him! But for now I will cherish the moments that I do and work hard to create some more time for him to come and spend with me.

Just Connie

Halloween 2012

Wednesday night was Halloween and that means we had our annual Harvest Carnival Party at the Church. We had an amazing evening.

We had over 400 people come through the church that night. We served hot dogs, cupcakes and lots of candy. The church was filled with happy, happy people and that is a wonderful thing.

This year my assignment was to run the slinky races. It was wild and busy and completely wonderful.

I am thankful for the opportunities we are given to reach out and to love our community. I think this is one of the most important things we do every year.

I can hardly wait until next year ....

Just Connie