Finally

Finally! Improvment! My lung function test Has crept into the green zone for the first time in over a month. What that means is that my lungs are finally working at 80% or higher. I am thrilled and it is amazing what 30-40 points can do in terms of how I feel. I can tell a difference.

I am still over 100 points below my norm ... But I am thrilled to be moving in the right direction. So I will work on keeping it going in the right direction and doing all the things I am supposed to be doing. I have so much I want to get done this week and I know that improving lung function will provide me with more energy to "get er done"

So breathing better and life is looking up .. What more could I ask for today?

Just Connie

Vacation

One of the things that I have struggled with since being on my own is vacations. It is not that I do not want to take a vacation, it is that I do not want to go by myself. It is the same issue I have faced with hiking and backpacking. I need people of like interests to go with.

I broached  the subject of a joint vacation with my mom and dad recently to my mother. We have been batting some different ideas around. At this point I think we are going to take a car vacation around Oregon. We could go at our own pace and get out and walk a lot which is what both dad and I need.


 of getting out of the routine. Now I just have to figure out if I can afford it. Which is the other issue with vacations. That pesky money problem. but I have 4 weeks of vacation that I need it take before the end of June. So I need to get moving and plans some time off.

Now if I could just find a solution to finding a hiking and backpacking partner ....

Just Connie

Optimism

By nature I am an optimistic person. By nurture I am an optimistic person since I was fortunate be raised in an optimistic, positive household. The outcome of that is that I seldom struggle with discouragement.

But very once in a while it happens.  I have  been working hard through this latest asthma crisis to keep moving and to work towards complete wellness. Part of my strategy is attending the Fire department yoga classes. My thought is that if I at least stay stretched than I will be that much farther ahead in my recovery. So for three weeks I have drug myself to classes and wheezed, coughed and somehow made it to the end expecting that the next class would be better.

And yet tonight expecting to be better ... I was not. I laid there and wheezed and coughed my way through class. As I laid there on my mat I was flooded with discouragement. How could I not be better than this? But yet it is what it is ... And I realize that discouragement does not move me ahead. So I am making a choice to focus on the improvements that I have made and not on what has not happened yet.

Because optimism is always the better choice and there are better things ahead. ...

Just Connie

Update

Improvement! That is a good feeling. I could tell I was breathing some better as I prepared to head to the Dr's office. So I was pretty confident as I greeted him with "I am better". As he listened to my lungs, he smiled and said, "You are moving more air in your lungs, but you still have a lot of wheezing." That was so good to hear and especially to see the smile instead of the frown, shaking head and muttering I was getting the day before.

So I left with yet another steroid shot, still dragging the oxygen bottle but I left to head home and that was feeling pretty good to me.

And I am soooo ready to feel better ....

Just Connie

Breathless ....

I sat on the examining table listening to  whistling and wheezing that seemed to be coming ... from me! I looked up to see my Dr shaking his head and muttering, "I am not happy with this." Before I knew it I was on oxygen, getting yet another steroid shot and told to sit back and relax. For the next two hours they worked on stabilizing my breathing.

As I waited, the cry of my heart was, "No hospital, no hospital." Every once in a while the Dr would come in and check on me and walk out shaking his head. But finally he came in and sat down and said, "I think you would benefit from a couple of days in the hospital." I of course countered with, "How about 24 hours to see if this treatment works?" He sat there and looked at me for a long time and finally said, "Would you call the ambulance, if there was any change?" At that point I would have promised most anything if it actually got me home. And then he gave me the "bad news" the oxygen needed to go home with me. But still ... I was going home and not headed to the hospital in the ambulance.

So I left the Dr's office, dragging an oxygen bottle, with yet another steroid shot, a prescription for oral steroids, new drugs for the every two hour nebulizer treatments and the demand that I present myself at his office the next morning.

Being the eternal optimist  and a person of faith at this point is helping me. I truly expect to be better when I go back to the Dr. and of course I have shared it with the prayer chain and have a hot of people praying for God to heal me.

And prayer changes everything ....

Just Connie

Breathe ...

Breathe in .... breathe out ... it sounds so simple. Yet for the past two week it has been a huge challenge for me. Asthma has once again reared it's ugly head. It is a very strange feeling to try to draw breath into your lung and yet cannot. I am always so sure that it is mind over matter .... yet still my lungs do not cooperate, even when I willed it otherwise.

But not wanting anyone to freak out and worry I made the decision to not tell people about what was going on. I was very sure that I could nip this in the bud and be on the road to recovery before anyone knew I was even struggling.

Wanting to be proactive this go around and not end up in the hospital. I headed to the doctor after a week of declining lung function. I had a little wheezing but nothing critical and I felt that I was being a bit hyper-vigilant to go in that soon. He gave me a steroid shot, put m back on nebulizer treatments and sent me on my way. Two days later I called him and gasped out that I was worse .... so of course that meant another trip in to see him, more discussions about hospitalization and more drugs.

It was as I was driving home from the Dr's office that it dawned on me I had made a bad decision. By not telling people that I was struggling with my asthma, I was robbing myself of the prayer support I would have had if they had known. I as even robbing them of the blessing of praying for me and offering support.

So that night I messaged several people to let them know about what was going on. And Sunday morning I stood before the congregation and told them I had been wrong. It was hard to do, but it was important for them to hear it and it was important for me to say it.

I am going to strive to do better about sharing my needs, about sharing my life in meaningful ways. That is what real life is all about....

and after all ... my children are always telling me to get a life.

Fire Thoughts

Friday I responded to a house fire. House fires are always difficult because it is people's lives going up in smoke. This was a very difficult fire.

My job at a fire is several fold. I take photos of the scene and the crew, I work with the owners and residents and try to keep everyone calm. I fill out paper work and I run media interference if they are on the scene. At this scene I spent the first 20 minutes or so taking photos and being updated on what was going on.  The fire was extensive and we knew at this point that there were quite a few dead pets in the residence.

The chief sent me over to interview the neighbors and see if we could get a name and contact number of the owner. That is always an interesting process because people are always fascinated to see this old lady working on the fire scene. But I was able to get the needed information from the neighbors and hiked back to the scene to confer with the Fire Chief. Since we could not get a hold of the owner and there were cars in the driveway, the Chief had decided to do another house search for potential victims. H had no sooner decided that when a car came flying into the neighbors yard and a very panicked man jumped out and headed to the burning house. Chief looked at me and said, "Head him off" so I quickly cut him off and drew him aside. It was the owner and the first thing he asked, "Are my pets okay?" It was my job was to tell him that none of them had made it. And for the next 15 minutes I knelt in the mud and the rain and did my best to comfort him.

Then it was time for paperwork with the house owner. By the time we had finished that up, he was ready to head to his parents house and begin the hard process of "where do I go to from here?" I headed back to the house which was in the "mop up" stages. So the chief and I made our way slowly through the house. Mop up means that they are putting out hot spots and things are still smoldering. The house was very difficult to get through and we had to climb over smoking debris. As we slowly made our way through the house, my heart was breaking for the man who I realized had just lost everything he owned. And the dead pets .... there is just not much I can say about that. I wanted to sit down and cry. But I did my job, and wrapped up my part of the work.

As I drove away, I was very saddened at everything I had seen and experienced, yet I had a great peace as well. So much of my job as a pastor is somewhat intangible, but there are those times .... like this time, that you know God has used you. Not in big flashy or heroic ways
. But in quietly serving and helping to the best of my ability.

I guess my prayer is that I will continue to serve in whatever role God puts me in, to be willing to step out of the status quo and embrace all the moments I am given.

I wonder what is next ....

Just Connie

Fire!

Friday I responded to a fire. I came straight from home so I was driving my own car. As I got several miles from the fire scene the traffic came to a complete stop. I flagged down the deputy and told him that I was trying to respond to the fire. He said, "Put your Hazard lights on and drive down the shoulder and go around them the best that you can."

So as I passed several miles of cars by driving on the shoulder and trying to not put myself in the ditch I was very carefully NOT making eye contact with any of the people I was passing. I really did not want to see any of the gestures that I was sure that frustrated drivers were making in my direction.

Arriving a the scene, I grabbed my turnouts from the back of my rig and began trying to get everything on. Turnouts are very interesting, you keep the pants and the boots together so that you can just step into the boots and pull your pants up. First my shoes had to come off, which meant I was standing in the rain in my yoga pants and Fire Department tee shirt, hopping up and down as I tried to get my foot in the boot before I fell over. I finally got both feet in the boots and my pants on. Then it is was time for my turnout jacket and finally my helmet. The gear weighs about 20 pounds and I was sweating and rain soaked before I even got it on.

And that is the story of the trip into the fire. The fire itself was very difficult and sad and I will write more about it another time. But I came away from the fire knowing that I had made a difference and God had used me.

As  have thought about the trip in, it reminded me that some of the most meaningful ministry moments were hard to get to. It took effort and work to get to the place where God could use me effectively.

It reminds me that being "hard" is okay. It is just part of the journey and you never know where the path is going to take you ......

Just Connie