I have a week of leave left and still too many projects left on my list. It has not helped to have my lung function so low. That means that I get tired and short of breath very quickly. I have most of the guest room taped off so I can paint tomorrow afternoon. Though since I got another steroid shot today I might be getting up during the night to paint. We will see how it goes.
I am hoping to begin on the deck by Friday. But I also start my motorcycle endorsement class on Friday and it goes through Sunday. So I might be running out of time. But I am going to make an effort to start cleaning the deck and getting it ready to repair and seal. Then I need to do the digging for the patio. There is just a lot to get done yet.
My car goes into the shop on Thursday and that will complicate things but at least it is a local shop. So I can probably walk home or catch a ride since I will be dragging my Turnouts and my Wildland gear with me. It just reminds me that not only is the clock ticking ... My pocketbook is emptying as well. What a process this has been!
I am trying hard to not get discouraged by how much is left and how little help has been available. People are very busy and I do understand they have things to get done as well. So I will keep plugging away and get as much done as I can. Many of the projects I can keep working on after I get back to work.
So pray for me to be productive, for my lungs to cooperate and to stay positive. It will be so nice to get some of this done before treatment begins.
Just Connie
Tuesday, August 23, 2016
Monday, August 22, 2016
Nightmares
I sometimes struggle with nightmares. Sometimes I can tell that I am processing things that are currently going on in my life and sometimes I can tell that I am processing old trauma and experiences. The past week I have been having nightmares around a recurrent theme.
I am not sure why I am processing these old experiences now. Nothing has happened that has brought it to the forefront of my mind, but there it is. Night after night I awake in a panic because someone that I am frightened of has come back to get me. Night after night I am experiencing this same person in different scenarios, unexpectedly showing up. The sense of panic and fear that I feel is so real that when I wake up I am unable to go back to sleep again. A couple of times I have even sat up in bed listening .... To see if there is something .... Or someone out there in the dark.
I can not figure out just what has triggered these recurrent nightmares right now. Is it time to drag those experiences out and to look at them again? Is it a warning to be prepared? Is it a call to pray for the person I am frightened of? (Which I am doing) I have to admit that I do not know. But I am praying about it.
I think it might also be time to contact those that can tell me if this person is doing well and still half a country away from my location. So today I am seeking .... Information and and peaceful sleep. And I am thinking that I hear nap time calling me.
Yep most definitely ...
Just Connie
I am not sure why I am processing these old experiences now. Nothing has happened that has brought it to the forefront of my mind, but there it is. Night after night I awake in a panic because someone that I am frightened of has come back to get me. Night after night I am experiencing this same person in different scenarios, unexpectedly showing up. The sense of panic and fear that I feel is so real that when I wake up I am unable to go back to sleep again. A couple of times I have even sat up in bed listening .... To see if there is something .... Or someone out there in the dark.
I can not figure out just what has triggered these recurrent nightmares right now. Is it time to drag those experiences out and to look at them again? Is it a warning to be prepared? Is it a call to pray for the person I am frightened of? (Which I am doing) I have to admit that I do not know. But I am praying about it.
I think it might also be time to contact those that can tell me if this person is doing well and still half a country away from my location. So today I am seeking .... Information and and peaceful sleep. And I am thinking that I hear nap time calling me.
Yep most definitely ...
Just Connie
Wednesday, August 10, 2016
Good to Serve
I had just curled up on my bed,meeting ready to take a nap. (This sabbatical I am on has given me napping opportunities). And that is when my Fire Department pager went off. Scanning it, I saw it was a mental health emergency. I thought, well if they need me they will call.
It was just as I was drifting off to sleep, that my phone rang. On the other end was one of our paramedics. As he quickly explained the situation he asked me what they should do? They had a young man who would not communicate and would not get in the back of the ambulance. He had a long history of mental illness and had taken meds in years. His mother was frantic to get him help and was worried about the family safety.
Since he was a legal adult and his parents did not have medical power of attorney, I explained they could not force him in the ambulance if he was not an imminent danger to himself or others. I heard the sigh, as the paramedic struggled to figure out what to do. Finally he said, "Can you come?
So I jumped in the car and headed to the scene. Upon arrival I found the young man standing in the full sun at the back of the ambulance. As I introduced myself I saw with relief that his eyes were tracking me. I saw with dismay how tense he was and how nervous we were making him. Telling people to move back, I began to softly talk to him. Each time I asked him if he would allow us to take him to the ambulance he shook his head.
I told him that I could see I was making him nervous so I would move back to the porch. In a few minutes he followed me there, but still refused transport or to allow us to take his vitals. I went in the house to explain to his mother that we could not force him. As her eyes filled with tears, I felt my own eyes tear up. I know first hand how frightening it is to watch a lived one slip away into their mental illness. I know the fear of living with the danger and the confusion with very few answers. I finally told her that I would make one more try, but then we would have to leave.
Walking back out to the porch, I gently began to question him about what he was feeling and experiencing. With amazement, I heard him say in a whisper, "I don't like it". "Let us help you then. Won't you come to the ambulance with me?" And with relief I saw him nod his head. So I walked to the back of the ambulance, climbed in and held my hand out to him. As he slowly put his hand in mine, I was throwing up prayers of gratitude as I settled him onto the gurney.
And as we took the 20 minute drive to the hospital he began to speak to me. At the hospital as we transferred him into the examining room, I gently laid my hand on his arm and asked him if I could pray with him before I left. After prayer, I told him that I would be praying for him and explained that I would be leaving.
As I climbed back into the ambulance, I was filled with a strong sense that I was doing just what God had created me to do. There is real joy in knowing you are where a God wants you to be doing the things that he is calling us to do. Even when it is hard, even when it is inconvenient, even when it makes me miss my nap. I am so thankful for the opportunities I have been given here to serve. I am being stretched in new ways, in wonderful and unexpected ways.
Besides that I was given another gift on the ride back to the station when one of the paramedics turned to me and said, "Hey, the Chaplain did more than I did on this call". Laughing at his chagrin, I said, "Yeah, but you get the joy of finishing the chart!" I am surprised he refrained from throw something at me. I am lucky he is so nice!
It is good to serve and it is even better to serve with those who are a joy to work with.
Just Connie
It was just as I was drifting off to sleep, that my phone rang. On the other end was one of our paramedics. As he quickly explained the situation he asked me what they should do? They had a young man who would not communicate and would not get in the back of the ambulance. He had a long history of mental illness and had taken meds in years. His mother was frantic to get him help and was worried about the family safety.
Since he was a legal adult and his parents did not have medical power of attorney, I explained they could not force him in the ambulance if he was not an imminent danger to himself or others. I heard the sigh, as the paramedic struggled to figure out what to do. Finally he said, "Can you come?
So I jumped in the car and headed to the scene. Upon arrival I found the young man standing in the full sun at the back of the ambulance. As I introduced myself I saw with relief that his eyes were tracking me. I saw with dismay how tense he was and how nervous we were making him. Telling people to move back, I began to softly talk to him. Each time I asked him if he would allow us to take him to the ambulance he shook his head.
I told him that I could see I was making him nervous so I would move back to the porch. In a few minutes he followed me there, but still refused transport or to allow us to take his vitals. I went in the house to explain to his mother that we could not force him. As her eyes filled with tears, I felt my own eyes tear up. I know first hand how frightening it is to watch a lived one slip away into their mental illness. I know the fear of living with the danger and the confusion with very few answers. I finally told her that I would make one more try, but then we would have to leave.
Walking back out to the porch, I gently began to question him about what he was feeling and experiencing. With amazement, I heard him say in a whisper, "I don't like it". "Let us help you then. Won't you come to the ambulance with me?" And with relief I saw him nod his head. So I walked to the back of the ambulance, climbed in and held my hand out to him. As he slowly put his hand in mine, I was throwing up prayers of gratitude as I settled him onto the gurney.
And as we took the 20 minute drive to the hospital he began to speak to me. At the hospital as we transferred him into the examining room, I gently laid my hand on his arm and asked him if I could pray with him before I left. After prayer, I told him that I would be praying for him and explained that I would be leaving.
As I climbed back into the ambulance, I was filled with a strong sense that I was doing just what God had created me to do. There is real joy in knowing you are where a God wants you to be doing the things that he is calling us to do. Even when it is hard, even when it is inconvenient, even when it makes me miss my nap. I am so thankful for the opportunities I have been given here to serve. I am being stretched in new ways, in wonderful and unexpected ways.
Besides that I was given another gift on the ride back to the station when one of the paramedics turned to me and said, "Hey, the Chaplain did more than I did on this call". Laughing at his chagrin, I said, "Yeah, but you get the joy of finishing the chart!" I am surprised he refrained from throw something at me. I am lucky he is so nice!
It is good to serve and it is even better to serve with those who are a joy to work with.
Just Connie
God's Goodness
The text came as I was getting ready to lay down for a nap. I was tired, overwhelmed by everything that was on my to do list and so ready to lay my aching head down. I had more projects than I had money to complete the tasks. I laid there and was so tempted to ignore it until after my nap. I scanned it quickly and sighed. Someone needed to see me on an urgent matter right away. If it had been anyone else but this couple, I would have deflected them for a couple of hours. But I got up and actually put shoes on and waited for their arrival.
Giving them both a hug I tried to gauge where they were emotionally. They seemed happy and relaxed and joked with me as I brought them into the house. Sitting down they told me they had something for me and I could not say no. Experience has taught me to be wary, "Is it alive?" I asked? When they assured me it wasn't, I grudgingly said okay. At that point they handed me an envelope. Opening the flap I saw a wad of cash. Gasping, I tried to hand it back to them. "No, God told us to do this and we are being obedient." I sat there and looked at that envelope as the tears welled up in my eyes. "It is too much ..." But they again assured me that God very specifically told them to do this.
With amazement, I explained I had not known how I was going to buy paint to paint the house or the materials to repair the deck and lay the patio. I didn't know, but God was already providing. As we said our goodbyes, I was stricken by their generosity and by their obedience to what God was calling them to do.
And it was just two days later as I was standing at Les Schwab hearing the stunning news that the funny noise in my car was bad brakes, calipers and rotors. As they quoted the price for repairs, I knew I could pay it. Instead of standing there and crying because I did not have the money to repair it, I took a deep breath and said, "Get er done". Once again God provided, before I even knew I was going to be faced with the repair. As I waited for the car to be finished, I calculated how badly the repair was going to effect the house repairs. Sighing, I decided I would prioritize things and work till the money was gone.
Two days later I was handed a check by a local businessman to help offset the cost of my car repair. After I got done crying, I realized that it looked like I was going to be able to pay for everything on my to do list after all.
God's goodness never ends. Not because I deserve it, because I don't. He gives and teaches others the joy of giving. And is teaching me the humility and joy of receiving.
God us good .... All the time ...
Just Connie
Giving them both a hug I tried to gauge where they were emotionally. They seemed happy and relaxed and joked with me as I brought them into the house. Sitting down they told me they had something for me and I could not say no. Experience has taught me to be wary, "Is it alive?" I asked? When they assured me it wasn't, I grudgingly said okay. At that point they handed me an envelope. Opening the flap I saw a wad of cash. Gasping, I tried to hand it back to them. "No, God told us to do this and we are being obedient." I sat there and looked at that envelope as the tears welled up in my eyes. "It is too much ..." But they again assured me that God very specifically told them to do this.
With amazement, I explained I had not known how I was going to buy paint to paint the house or the materials to repair the deck and lay the patio. I didn't know, but God was already providing. As we said our goodbyes, I was stricken by their generosity and by their obedience to what God was calling them to do.
And it was just two days later as I was standing at Les Schwab hearing the stunning news that the funny noise in my car was bad brakes, calipers and rotors. As they quoted the price for repairs, I knew I could pay it. Instead of standing there and crying because I did not have the money to repair it, I took a deep breath and said, "Get er done". Once again God provided, before I even knew I was going to be faced with the repair. As I waited for the car to be finished, I calculated how badly the repair was going to effect the house repairs. Sighing, I decided I would prioritize things and work till the money was gone.
Two days later I was handed a check by a local businessman to help offset the cost of my car repair. After I got done crying, I realized that it looked like I was going to be able to pay for everything on my to do list after all.
God's goodness never ends. Not because I deserve it, because I don't. He gives and teaches others the joy of giving. And is teaching me the humility and joy of receiving.
God us good .... All the time ...
Just Connie
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