Working on Family

Busy, busy day yesterday ... good but busy. I taught my Sunday School class and preached. Then I ran home picked up the dogs and drove to Salem to pick up my son and his family. Then we headed up to Burlington for a family Bar-be-que.

It was so good to be with the family. I miss them and I do not often get the opportunity to spend much time with them. It was also good to spend time with my son and his new baby. I spent as much time as I could playing with the baby. But he is currently in the stage of stranger anxiety and he does not know me. So he did not often let me hold him. But I will keep trying.

Before I knew it was time to head back to Salem to drop everyone off. I drug in the door about 10:30 and was very ready for bed. But it was so worth it. I am very fortunate for my gift of family and I miss the feeling of being part of a family unit a lot.

I guess really it is a reminder to me to keep working on my family relationships. Because that sense of family is integral who who I am. What is easy and comfortable is not always what is best. I need them and they need me. I think I will keep working on it.

Just Connie

War

I am at war! I declared war this morning when I walked into the kitchen and discovered that I had mice who had been partying on my kitchen counters during the night. So everything came off the counters. Dishtowels in the hamper and I began disinfecting things, realizing that I will probably have to do the same thing again tomorrow. Then I got out the poison and put it out in strategic, yet pet safe areas. I have to admit that it always makes me a little nervous to put poison out. But I just cannot bring myself to do traps. I can set them, I just cannot empty them, especially if the rodent involved has not expired.

I am determined to win this war. I will take my house back from these evil little rodents. If I do not I think I will be spending the night on the kitchen table in a few days. But come to think of it, if they can climb up to the kitchen counter, they can probably climb to top of the kitchen table as well. Hhhhmmmm I wonder if I should throw a sleeping bag into the car?

Just Connie

Dental Denial

Time passes ..... in fact it passes before you know it. Sigh .... I made a phone call I had been meaning to make. A simple call to have my teeth cleaned. Imagine my surprise when they told me it had been 5 years since I had been in. I was so certain that it could not have been 5 years but it was.

So today I marched in to see the dentist. Because it had been so long since I had been in, they did a full work up. X-rays, examinations .... the whole thing. I sat through well deserved lectures about coming in every year and then the dentist himself came in and looked at my x-rays, poked in my mouth and said, "You obviously do not need me. Keep doing what you have been doing."

So I left with an appointment to have my teeth cleaned (which is why I called in the first place) and a deep appreciation for the genetics that have blessed my teeth over the years.

Just Connie

Firefighting

The fire started before I even realized it. I turned around and there it was! For pastors more days than you can imagine are spent putting out fires. Sometimes you can look out and see that the fire has the potential to be very damaging. Other times they are smoldering. Some of today's fires had the potential to spread into large fires.

Today's fires are out and I know that there will be more in the days ahead. It is in the nature of people to start fires and  pastors are called to put them out. So tonight I will rest and prepare for the next one. I will pray and study and try to be ready for the next conflagration. With all of this firefighting how come I never get to slide down the pole?


"Snatch others from the fire and save them" Jude 1:23


Just Connie

Grandson Hayden

I saw my grandson today. It is only the second time I have seen him. He is now 4 months old and as cute as a button. It was so much fun to see him. He is turning over and doing all of the things a 4 month old baby should be doing.

As I held him and gazed into his eyes I could not help but think of the hours I held his father in just the same way. The years seemed to melt away as I smoothed his hair and bounced him on my knee.

I am so hopeful that I will be able to forge a relationship with this new young life. I want him to grow up knowing me the way that I knew my grandparents. They were so important in my life and I am so thankful for the time I was able to spend with them.

So in the days ahead I will pray a lot and love lavishly whenever and however I am given opportunity. I thinking loving is something I fully equipped to do.

Just Connie

Today's Announcement

Today was the big announcement. The date has been set for the pastoral transition. I am being installed as the Senior Pastor on June 27th.  We have talked to the pastor's cabinet and the church board and today it was announced at the Annual Meeting. No one got up and walked out and that is a good sign.

I am just beginning to let myself get excited. In one month I will be back in full time pastoral ministry. I have to admit that I have really missed it. I am reminded that when I first met Gary he asked me if I had my dream job what would I do? to my surprised I found myself tearing up as I said, "All I have ever wanted to be was a pastor." Now that calling is about to be fulfilled.

I think that this next month will pass slower than I expect as I wait for this final transition. I am trying to get my lists together and things laid out so they are ready to go.... because I am ready to go. I am ready to follow the call.  Ready .... ready .... ready!

"Remind the people ... to be obedient, to be ready to do whatever is good" Titus 3:1


Just Connie

Friendship Thoughts

This has been a week of celebrating friendships. Tonight I met with good friends that I have really missed over the past year. I worked with them at the Mission. they were part of my everyday life for so long. Over the years we had developed the habit of celebrating our birthdays together. We would often go out to lunch and just laugh and enjoy each other.

Today was Chuck’s birthday and we gathered for dinner and movies. First of all it was so very good to see them. To be with people who have laughed and cried with me over the years. They are people that have stuck with me through the good and the bad and all the stuff in between. Just to see them brought great joy to me.

We did not do anything earth shattering. We ate and we watched movies, but more importantly we affirmed our love for each other and laughed. We teased and we talked. We caught up on what our lives have done over the past year. It was a wonderful precious time and I am very grateful for it.

As I look at the friendships that I have celebrated this week it has been amazing. Some are friendships that have spanned decades and are being renewed, some are new but very special and important. All of them bring something unique into my life. It truly is a wonderful …. this gift of love. It flows into us, changes us and flows through us and changes others. I am so thankful for the people who have changed me this week.

“but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.” 1 John 4:12

Just Connie

Old Friends

Back in my Nazarene life, I had many pastoral friends. But after moving to Rescue Ministry I lost contact with all of my fellow pastors. About a year and a half ago I reconnected with Ray, one of my pastoral buddies and his wife on Facebook. We usually chat several times a day about what is going on in our lives. It has been nice to have pastoral perspective and camaraderie as I maneuver through the ups and downs of every day life and ministry.

Today I got to have lunch with Ray. It has been almost 15 years since we had seen each other, It was wonderful to see him. I could feel the years drop away as we caught up with each other. We talked and talked and the time went all too quickly. The only thing that would have made our time better is if his wife could have been with him on the trip.

I am thankful for not only the time I got to spend with Ray, but I am thankful for our friendship. For the honesty and openness that makes this friendship rich and wonderful. It is good to have friends. In fact it is cause for celebration.

Just Connie

Walking Friends

Every morning I walk with a friend. It is a pretty leisurely 2 mile walk around the Willamina Pond. I love the Pond. It is never the same two mornings in a row. The wildlife, the changing water it is a very peaceful place to be.

I also love the time with my friend. It is a time to pray together, a time to share the happenings of our lives. I am very appreciative for the opportunity to connect with her. Those connections are very important to me.

I have found over the years that I need friendships. I need friendships that are deep and true, that can stand the test of time. These friendships bring balance and accountability and give me a great confidence in my everyday life. They also bring a vulnerability as I have discovered painfully. But I do not think that is a bad thing.

I am glad for the friendships that God has given me. I look forward to many moments growing and learning with my friends.

“He has taken me to the banquet hall, and his banner over me is love.” Song of Solomon 2:4

Just Connie

Transitions

Transitions .... it is a politic word for "uncomfortable, shifting morass". I have been in a transition this last year and a half. Here are some of the transitions I have been hiking through.

• Married to Separated
• Separated to Divorced
• Senior Pastor to Associate Pastor
• Rescue Ministry to Church Ministry
• Associate Pastor to Senior Pastor

Any one of these would be enough of a transition all on it's own, but all together it truly is an "uncomfortable, shifting morass." As I have maneuvered through I have sometimes felt the ground shift beneath me. There have been days that all I could do was cling to the ground and wait for the heaving to stop.

Now a year and a half later some of these transitions are done. Some are in process and some are just beginning. I guess that is the nature of life. It changes, it twists and turns and it is often unexpected.It is good to remember life changes, God does not. 


"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17


Just Connie

My Friend Paul

I said goodbye to a friend today. I did not want to say goodbye, but I had no choice. My friend Paul died Sunday of cancer. I was stunned to hear the news ... stunned and saddened.

Since I got the news I have been reflecting on my memories of Paul. I have so many wonderful memories of him. We went to high school together and sang in the concert choir together. Of course so did 60 other people, but we became friends. You could not help but like Paul. He was funny and friendly and interested in everything. We  were also fellow "drama freaks". We had a wonderful time acting our hearts out.

The summer after I graduated a group of us all got jobs at McDonalds. We worked the night shift and would close together and then go out and bowl and then to breakfast. Our days off we would spend at the river, playing football and just hanging out. I so enjoyed just spending time with all of my friends.

I remember the night before I was married, he came over and tried to talk me out of it. He just knew that it was a bad idea and that I could do so much better. He talked and talked and I just hugged him and laughed.

Over the years I had lost track of Paul.  Three years ago he tracked me down through Classmates.com. He called and we talked on the phone for two hours, It was so good to hear from him and he was so excited over his marriage and new baby. Over the next months we would send occasional e-mails to each other but did not keep in close contact. The months slipped by so quickly and it seemed that there was all the time in the world to someday get together. But time ran out for us.

Paul's death is a reminder that we do not have all the time in the world. I want to do a better job of connecting with friends and family. I think it will not only take time, it will take intentional effort. I do not want to run out of time again.


"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven" Ecclesiastes 3:1

Time for everything .... yet tonight I can hear the clock ticking.

Just Connie

Lumberjack Woes

I discovered something today. There is as reason why 50 year old women are not lumberjacks. I am sooooooo sore! Yesterday was so much fun but today my body aches in places I didn't even know I had. I did fairly well until I spent 3 hours sitting in the car. When I tried to pry myself out at the end of the trip every muscle screamed in protest. Now 2 hours later it is still screaming. I am trying to not move very much. In fact I am trying to not even breathe at this point. Everyone else seems to find it very entertaining .... me not quite so much.

So I think I will call it a night and hobble to bed. I am sure that it will be all gone tomorrow. Right? Please? Oh pleaaaaasssssse! We will see.

Just Connie

Day of Logging

Oooh, oooh, oooh! I learned something new today. I went with the Men’s Ministries team bright and early today to Cut down problem trees at our Campground. I am very good at stacking wood. Though I am finding it harder and harder to convince myself to do a full day of manual labor.

I did my normal brush clearing and stacking wood most of the morning and then one of our lumberjacks said the magic phrase. “Hey Pastor, do you want to cut down the next tree?” Me who has never operated a chain saw in my life, cut down a tree? I was so excited I think I could have pushed the tree over with my bare hands.

So we hiked over to the next section and decided which tree was going first. Then he put the HUGE chainsaw in my hand and showed me how to cut the first wedge. The very first thing I noticed was that the huge chainsaw was really heavy. The next thing I noticed was that if I put the wedge at the wrong angle my first tree was going to be “felled” right across the campground gym. So with fear and trembling arms I cut the wedge. Then from the other side I made the straight cut and ……. drum roll please …. the tree fell right where it was supposed to. Then I got to cut down the next two trees as well.

I discovered several things. First of all it was really fun to be doing something so totally different than my everyday life. Second of all, I do not have the upper body strength to do more than 2-3 cuts with the big logging chain saws. Perhaps I need to look at some smaller chainsaws that I could operate for our next logging outing. I am pretty sure that I can find stuff to cut down. ….. They just might have created a logging monster. Oh well, you know I have a dead cedar tree in the back yard. Perhaps it is time for me to cut it down? Hhhmmmm …..

Just Connie

Work Day Tomorrow

I have an early day planned tomorrow. I am getting up at 6:00 and joining the Men's Ministry group to cut downed trees at Aldersgate. I am not sure how I get on these work projects, but I always seem to be in the midst of it. The last time I cut wood with the fellas I could hardly move for 3 days. I am hoping to only work half a day tomorrow so that I can still walk by the end of the day.

So I am going to head to bed and sleep until my alarm drags me out of bed in a few short hours. I can do this, I can do this. I can do this. Is anybody convinced yet?

Just Connie

On My Mind

My mind is all a swirl tonight. In an effort to try to sort it all out. Here is my list of things on my mind.

• The beautiful weather
• Yard work
• My “to do” list
• Finances
• Gerrald
• Housework
• My neighbors
• Employment
• Board Meeting
• Sunday School Class
• Sunday Afternoon's Conference Meeting
• Training Hope puppy
• My weight

Those are some of the things that I am working to categorize and put in proper perspective. Some days require more work than others. I think it is time for bed and I will work on it again tomorrow.

Just Connie

A Normal Day

It has been a full day. I headed to the office where I struggled with the phones and Internet being down most of the day. Arrrgggh! It is amazing how many things I do that need the Internet. I want my on line bible research, not to mention Facebook. Then I had a staff meeting. It is our chance to sit and talk through our calendars and make plans. I went from that meeting straight to my Ministerial Association Meeting. I really enjoy meeting with the other pastors from my community and hearing what is going on at their churches.

After I wrapped things up I began to pack up to head home, but had to make a detour to help out a family who needed some help. I really enjoy the chance to offer meaningful help. So much of what pastors do cannot be measured, but bringing food to a hungry family to tangible and satisfying.

When I got home, I got back to work on the yard. This streak of good weather is a rare opportunity to get some of the rampant overgrowth chased back. I am enjoying how things are beginning to look. I worked till it was time to head back to the church for prayer meeting.

After prayer I headed to friends house to have ice cream with them so I could meeting their visiting relatives. I spent a relaxing hour just chatting and enjoying them. I finally came home about 10:00.

It has been a long day, but a very normal day. it was full of activity and not a lot to show for it. But I have to admit there is satisfaction in spite of it. It is just good to be in ministry. To have a place to serve is an incredible honor. I am thrilled at this opportunity. It will be interesting to see what God does in the months ahead.

Just Connie

The Room Warming

I went to a “Room Warming Party” tonight. One of the couples from the church had just completed a major remodel of their bathroom. So being good sports they let us come over to celebrate.

We brought gifts appropriate for their new room. (There were many rolls of toilet paper) We brought food, one of us even composed a poem to mark the occasion. We laughed and ate and just enjoyed being with each other.

It was a silly occasion …. it was a good occasion. It reminded me how important it is to find moments to celebrate. Moments of celebration that will draw the community together to just love on each other and enjoy each other. Because tonight was not really about the room, it was about friendship. And friendship is always something to celebrate.

Just Connie

My Friend Paul

Paul was a good friend in high school. He was in concert choir with me as well as being  a fellow drama freak. He was always entertaining and always upbeat. The summer after we graduated we worked together at a local McDonald's. Along with a large group of friends we spent the summer on the beach, at the bowling alley and just hanging out together. Those were golden wonderful days and I have such good memories of our times together.

When I came home from college to prepare for my wedding, Paul would come and visit with me, often bringing the whole group with him to hang out together. The night before my wedding he spent much time trying to change my mind. He kept telling me that marriage was a terrible idea and that my fiancee was no good for me. But he was there at the wedding the next day to wish me the best and to kiss me soundly on my departure.

Over the years we had lost track of each other. Every once in a while we would  see each other and get all caught up. Three years ago he tracked me down on Classmates.com. We talked for over an hour. It was wonderful to hear that he had married and had a new infant son. I teased him about starting a family in his old age, but I was so very glad for him.

Last week the news came that he was dying of cancer and this morning the news came that he had passed away last night. I am saddened to think that my friend is gone. I remember his humor, his enthusiasm and his loyalty to his friends. His life enriched my own life and I am thankful for the time that we spent together. I guess that is what friendship is all about.

Just Connie

Mother's Day

My mother is an incredible woman. She is loving and strong and full of humor and grace. Through this past year I have seen her in heartbreaking situations and watched with amazement as she has stood strong. I have watched her support my father, push him in his recovery and love him so lavishly.

I do not know how to express everything my mother means to me. She gave me a wonderful childhood and encouraged me to grow and develop into the person that I am today. She stood and supported me in times of heartbreak and rejection. She loved me, she loved my children and even loved my myriad of pets. She did all of that with ease, beauty and grace.

Today on Mother's Day I just want to say once again, that my mother is incredible. I am proud of the woman she is and proud to be her daughter.

Happy Mother's Day Mom

Just Connie

Friend Request

About 12 years ago my life blew apart at the seams. People that I had absolute trust and faith in turned away from me. It was a very painful time of my life. During that time I lost my family, my friends, my community, my job .... everything changed in the space of one year.

The hurt from that rejection has stayed with me through the years. Most of the time it lays quiet, but every once in a while that hurt and all the different emotions it brings jumps out at me. Today it jumped out at me in an unexpected way. It came through a Facebook Friend Request. I sat there and stared at the name as the emotions swirled around me. That name stirred up all the hurt and rejection I felt through those dark and difficult months.

I would love to say that I immediately clicked on "confirm friend" but I did not. I would love to say that I was swept by a feeling of forgiveness and warm feelings, but I was not. I have to admit that I was not sure I wanted to open the door to any more hurt and rejection. I stared at that name on and off all day, finally I took a deep breath and clicked confirm.

I was unsure if I had made the right choice and my heart pounded as I sat there and thought about what I had just done. But I have to believe that reaching beyond the hurt is a good thing. I think that it is the standard that God calls us to. I think that God could do miraculous things through this. I think that God could even bring healing and reconciliation through this.

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death.”- Romans 8:1-2

I just hope I do not get in the way of what God wants to do.

Just Connie

Some More Yard Work

I am making some headway on my yard. That is a really good feeling. I even planted a rose bush and a large hosta in the front flower bed. There is a real feeling of accomplishment in bringing order out of the chaos. I found myself just standing there and admiring how nice it looked. Of course any improvement would have been a help. And this is a huge change.

I am hoping tomorrow to begin on the other front flower bed. That is rather a daunting task because I will be digging out sod and making flower beds from nothing. I even bought some top soil that I can use to break up the heavy clay I have in the front of the house. In other words it will be heavy work.

I have a feeling that it will be good for me. I know that it will be a good feeling to get another part of it done. Now if someone could just tell my very sore muscles how good and wonderful this is. I have a feeling I will get even more sore before it is all done.

Just Connie

Yard Work

I am sooooooo sore tonight! Yesterday I finally mowed my knee high lawn. That took every ounce of energy I had. But I got the front done. So I woke up this morning rather sore and stiff. However I was determined to dig into the yard work that needed to be done.

The first thing I tackled was weeding the front flower bed. The trick to weeding this bed is that at some point in the houses history someone added large pices of bark. I have spent hours trying to get all of the bark out of the bed so that I can actually plant something. For the first time the bed is actually beginning to look pretty good. I have some seed packets that I am going to plant to morrow and perhaps I will actually have flowers this year.
The next project, was to edge along the sidewalk. That meant I had to dig 6 inches of sod out. I actually got it done! It looks great. But my hands and my arms are complaining.

So tomorrow if I can pry my sore muscles out of bed, I am going to take a trip to the garden store. Then I will come home and plant while the good weather lasts, my energy holds up, and my sore muscles do not win out.

I guess being sore won’t kill me ….. what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger … right? Nah, it just makes you wish it had.

Just Connie

The Pond

I took a long walk with the dogs this morning. We walked around the pond. I love it there. It is beautiful and quiet and there is always amazing things to see.
The first thing that I saw was a huge Blue Heron standing in the water fishing. They are beautiful and can stand there so quiet and still. As we walked around the end the pond we looked up at the Osprey nest only to see that there were Osprey babies in the nest. Of course the nest was a good 20 feet aboce our heads so we could not see much. but it was fun to see the Osprey chick peeking out over the edge of the nest.
As we watched, Momma Osprey went winging out over the pond, folded her wings and dove straight down into the water. It was amazing to watch her as she emerged with a fish. We were thrilled to watch her dive not one or even twice, but four times … up close and personal. It was thrilling.

We continued on our walk and enjoyed the geese, the red-wing Blackbirds and the beauty of a sun dappled world. I was filled with a sense of thankfulness for having a place like the Pond so accessible to us. It is an incredible blessing.

I am finding that these moments of wonder and joy are the fuel that help propel me through the hard difficult days. I need more of these times, I need to purposefully seek out more of these times. In fact the dogs and I are going to head back to the pond tomorrow morning. After all, who knows what we will see?

“They saw the works of the LORD, his wonderful deeds in the deep.” Psalm 107:24

Just Connie

Loss

As I write this tonight, the tears are streaming down my face. It is an old hurt, that hurts fresh and new. My daughter called me last night, to tell me that when she went in for her prenatal visit, there was no heartbeat for the baby. The reality was cold and stark. That precious new life that we were waiting for with such anticipation was gone.

I wanted to wrap my arms around her, but so many miles away, all I could do was tell her I love her. I could feel the sobs welling up within me as I strove to fight down the waves of grief and loss and try to offer any help to them that I could. But words cannot convey the depth of my love or the sorrow I feel for what they are facing.

I remember what it felt like to lose my babies. Each little life gone before it’s time brought new and deeper pain. I remember the flood of grief and hurt. I remember facing Mother’s Day when all my babies were in heaven and the fresh hurt it would bring each year.

My heart breaks for the grief that I know my daughter and her boyfriend are facing. Because, I do not want my daughter to face the problems and griefs that I have faced in my own life. I want her life to be better, to be happier, to be easier. I want to find a way to cushion her from this dreadful hurt.

But the reality is that I cannot protect her from this. And the truth is that how we face the problems and hurts really define our characters and give structure to the very fabric of our lives. This will change them. And because they are loving and strong people they will come through this and be strengthened, not destroyed.

But how I wish that it was different ……

Just Connie

Back to Normal

It is good to be back at home. I loved the women’s retreat and it was uplifting to be there, but there is a real joy in being home and getting back into a normal routine.

I headed to the office this morning and tried to get caught up from my time gone. There were phone calls and people dropping in and errands to run … you know normal kinds of things. I even squeezed in a visit to my very good friends and a quick lunch to boot. Then it was time for my afternoon meeting. Following the meeting it was time to head home to my critters.

And the critters and I have spent a quiet evening in front of the fire. In a little bit I think I will meander to bed and read for a while. Hope Puppy loves nothing better than helping me read. She does that by chewing on my book and putting her head in the middle of the page. Entertaining for puppy, not so conducive for reading.

But I think I will go and make my doggies happy anyway. Who needs to read when you have pure uncompromising love wrapped in wiggling enthusiastic fur?

Just Connie

Women's Retreat

I just spent the last three days with 150 women. I have to admit that I usually try to avoid women’s retreats. They seem to be heavily scheduled, not much spiritual depth and overall exhausting. This retreat was surprising to me on several levels.

The first surprise was with the speaker who was a nationally known women’s speaker. She was entertaining and challenging. I was glad for the chance to hear her heart. The second surprise was the high quality worship time. It was wonderful and was uplifting. The next surprise was the spiritual depth that we were being called to. The final surprise was a schedule that allowed for reflection, interaction and rest.

So I am home, I am refreshed and renewed and looking forward to next year’s retreat.

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”- Romans 12:12

Just Connie