Loss

As I write this tonight, the tears are streaming down my face. It is an old hurt, that hurts fresh and new. My daughter called me last night, to tell me that when she went in for her prenatal visit, there was no heartbeat for the baby. The reality was cold and stark. That precious new life that we were waiting for with such anticipation was gone.

I wanted to wrap my arms around her, but so many miles away, all I could do was tell her I love her. I could feel the sobs welling up within me as I strove to fight down the waves of grief and loss and try to offer any help to them that I could. But words cannot convey the depth of my love or the sorrow I feel for what they are facing.

I remember what it felt like to lose my babies. Each little life gone before it’s time brought new and deeper pain. I remember the flood of grief and hurt. I remember facing Mother’s Day when all my babies were in heaven and the fresh hurt it would bring each year.

My heart breaks for the grief that I know my daughter and her boyfriend are facing. Because, I do not want my daughter to face the problems and griefs that I have faced in my own life. I want her life to be better, to be happier, to be easier. I want to find a way to cushion her from this dreadful hurt.

But the reality is that I cannot protect her from this. And the truth is that how we face the problems and hurts really define our characters and give structure to the very fabric of our lives. This will change them. And because they are loving and strong people they will come through this and be strengthened, not destroyed.

But how I wish that it was different ……

Just Connie