As a pastor, I live my life to serve other people. It is not a hardship I love to help, it brings a deep joy to me. But every once in a while I find myself asking, "Is it ever about me?" Of course I immediately feel guilty for thinking such thoughts. But the thought still pops up every now and again regardless of how hard I try to beat it down.
Today the thought has popped up again. I find the holidays hard as people are making family plans and excited to be with each other. As hard as I try to make everything okay, my reality saddens me. I miss the companionship of a family. I miss being special to someone. I miss being the hub of family activity and I am tired tonight of being on the outside looking in.
But I realize that these feelings are just that .... feelings. They are not permanent and they point the way to something that I need to pay attention to. Feelings "warn and inform". I am not sure exactly what this sadness is telling me, but I guess it will come clear to me in time. I think it is time to get a good night's sleep and try again tomorrow.
Just Connie
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