Difficult Things

There are things that I find as a pastor are difficult to do. This past week has been a privilege and an honor but also ... so very hard. We had a death in community as I prepared for it I found that it brought my sister's death back to me in very real ways.

I remember all too clearly those first terrible days after my sister died. The mind numbing grief and the disbelief that this terrible thing had really happened. I remember waiting, waiting ... waiting for it to be time to go to her funeral. It seemed that the minutes crawled by. I can remember thinking that nothing should hurt that bad that did not kill you. Though the years has softened the pain, it does not go away.

I find that I still miss her. I miss her sense of humor and her ability to just be who she was. I remember her fierce love of her family and her desire for us to know that she loved us. Remembering her brings me joy, but there is still pain at the loss. There is a hole in our family that nothing else will ever fill.

So this past week as I ministered to another family who is facing the same dreadful loss, I remembered and I grieved for them and all they will face in the days ahead. And yet in the ashes of grief I know that God will plant seeds of hope for a new tomorrow.

And yet ..... it hurts.

Just Connie