Fear

I have come to a realization this past week. I have really like living without fear. Fear had been such a ever present part of the 10 years of my marriage that I did even fully realize how horrible and how  pervasive it was ... until it was gone. To live without fear is a precious thing.

I have not liked the reappearance of fear into my life. I find myself living on edge as I evaluate each noise and check and recheck every lock. I find myself that living this way is rather exhausting. I just want to go bed and sleep through the rest of it.

I am working hard to not be governed by the fear I am feeling. Instead I am letting fear be an advisor. It is telling me something important. I need to listen and take appropriate steps. But that is not all that life holds. There is joy and ministry to be experienced and embraced. I need to not let it get choked out by the fear.

So I am listening to the counsel of wise friends and taking some steps to protect myself. Tomorrow I will be looking a security lighting system that will light things up if someone is lurking around in the area. I am also buying blinds for the windows I have never bothered to cover since they look out onto the forest. And I am keeping the house locked up.

All of those are positive steps to take, now it is time to trust. I need to trust God to do His part. To strengthen me .... and to give me wisdom and protection. There  are things for me to learn in all of this, I if I will allow it. And if I do not get so caught up in the fear that there is nothing else left.

I am trusting ....