Woundedness

I have a confession to make .... I do not deal with drunks well. When confronted especially by drunk males, my heart races and all I want to do is run and hide somewhere. I know that is a learned response because of my past. Experience has taught me that a drunk male can hurt me badly intentionally and .... unintentionally.

The worst injury I ever received from my former husband was unintentional. He was drunk and trying to pick me up and hold on to me as I was struggling to get away. He had hold of my arms when he lost his balance and slammed me headfirst into the desk. It knocked me out cold and left me with several months of recovery from the concussion I incurred. He did not mean to ... but his drunkenness caused me serious injury.

That experience and many others with him has taught me to avoid drunk males. That is not always possible in my job, but for the most part I am able to. Last night I was confronted with a very drunk man. I told him repeatedly we would talk tomorrow and tried to walk away. He followed me, sorrowfully apologizing as only a drunk can do and finally grabbed my arm to pull me into a hug. I was flooded with panic and it took everything in me not to lash out and fight with every bit of strength I had. My heart was racing as I struggled to find a reasonable response. I finally pulled my arm away and  told him that I could not, would not do this and walked away.

My heart was still pounding as I went to bed and as I laid there all of those old emotions of fear swept over me. Shaking and tearful I fought to find peace. As I took slow deep breaths I could feel the assurance of God presence with me, easing the hurt and fear. Slowly peace began to settle over me.

Last night reminded me of several things. First I still have some woundedness that needs healing. Secondly, I think I need to develop a game plan for dealing with persistent drunks. Thirdly, I do not have to let the past define who I am and it does not have to always define my responses. And lastly, God is sufficient for my hurt and fear.

And that sufficiency is enough for me .....

Just Connie