Something New

 I tried something new on Saturday. I was feeling pretty good so early on Saturday morning a friend and I headed to Trillium Lake to Paddle Board. I had been wanted to try but had never had the opportunity.

I was stunned by the beauty of the lake the first time I saw it. The mountain was beautiful and the weather was gorgeous.

I loved Paddle Boarding, It was a lot of fun and you could take it at your own pace. we paddled a while and swam a while, paddled a while and then sat on our boards in the middle of lake and talked.

I could easily become hooked on this, I wish that boards were not so expensive. But I am glad for the chance to try something new.

I am also thankful to be feeling better and to be able to get out and do something.

Now, what can I try next?

Just Connie

Mill Fire Thoughts

It was a hot evening following my 4th treatment as my Fire Department pager went off just as I was crawling into bed. As I looked at the screen, I jumped out of bed just as the Fire Chief  called. A local Lumber mill was on fire and I was needed on scene.

I headed to the Fire Hall, grabbed my turnouts and the Chief's turnouts, loaded them in Squad 8 and headed to the Mill with lights and sirens going.

Arriving on scene, I pulled my turnouts and helmet on grimacing as the heat and my soreness from treatment registered on me. I quickly got an update on the status of the fire and began following crews snapping photos as I climbed over equipment, catwalks and slogged through the mud.

The fire was quickly contained and the process of mop up began as crews continued to put out hot spots and put out the grass fires that had popped up around the scene. Tucking my camera into my turnouts, I began the process of filling out paperwork and talking with the owners.Glad to break out of part of my helmet and jacket as I filled out paperwork, I gratefully let the breeze lift sweat matted hair.

As things began to  wrap up the Chief and I did our walk through of the scene as he explained what he could tell so far about the fire. Then it was time to head back to the Fire Hall to collate information for press releases and to discuss the fire.

Heading home, I jumped in the shower to scrub as much of the smell of the fire off as I could. As I crawled into bed, I noticed a couple of things, first of all I was not nearly as sore as I was when I crawled out of bed. Secondly, it was 2:00 in the morning! It seems that fires never come at convenient times. But I was grateful that the next day was my day off.

The one thing I can say, my life is never boring anymore. What a great way to love!

Just Connie

Treatment Number Two

Treatment number two is behind me. It did not go nearly as well as I was hoping. First of all, I had Trouble with remembering how and in what order all the tubing hooked to the syringe. I finally had to call the pharmacy headquarters and have a nurse talk me through the whole thing.

Second of all, I think that I might have infused into the muscle instead of subcutaneous because I ended up with a knot the size of a cantaloupe on the side of my thigh. Not really painful but uncomfortable.

It probably did not help that I got called to a cardiac arrest this afternoon (and that call is a story all on its own) and then had the city/county dinner tonight that I had committed to be a part of. I came home exhausted, muscle achy and longing for bed.

So here I am in bed and thinking about all of the things I need to do tomorrow. And right now that is feeling a bit overwhelming.

But tomorrow is a new day and I am bound to be better tomorrow ..... Right?

Just Connie

Looking Forward

I cannot believe that a week and a half of vacation is almost over. I do not feel like I have much to show for it. But then I knew this would be a recovery vacation, not a fun and game vacation. Perhaps I will be able to take some fun vacation time in July. By then perhaps I will feel well enough to do some camping.

I am still doing a lot of sleeping. I do not know how much of that is from the Gamma Globulin treatment and now much of it is fighting the infection. I do not think people know how exhausting it is. And I have had a constant infection for over 6 months now. But I am very hopeful that by the time the antibiotic has run its course that the Gamma Globulin will have given me enough antibodies to stay healthy for a while.

I am so looking forward to being healthy. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I am hoping that I am getting closer and closer to healthy and well.

Now that would be nice .....

Just Connie

Climbing New Heights

On the ladder truck

The view from the top

I am on two weeks of vacation to allow me to adjust to my new treatment. I was feeling better this morning and only slightly nauseous. So this morning when the call came in that they were doing a wild land Burn to Learn I headed up on the hill.

The ladder truck was extended so they told me to climb on up. It was so much fun to do that and it was the first time I have climbed up it when it was extended. It always fills me with a sense of accomplishment when I get to do something new.

I am very thankful for the time I get to spend with the Fire Department. They are an incredible group of people and they have broadened my life in wonderful ways.

I can hardly wait to see what new thing I get to do next .....

Just Connie

Today's Thoughts

Day 1 after my first treatment has gone fairly well. I am a bit green around the edges and tired. So all in all not too bad. I spent most of the day in bed, right up until I got the phone call from YCom dispatching me to the scene of a cardiac arrest in Sheridan.

I quickly got ready, grabbed some business cards and headed to Sheridan. For the next hour and a half I comforted and sorrowed with them over the death of their loved one. As I drove away, I found that I was blessed to be doing something so worthwhile.

So much of what I do as a pastor is hard to quantify, but it is times like today that I absolutely know that I am making a difference. That is a pretty good feeling.

Good enough to balance even the protests of my stomach today ......

Just Connie

Enough For Me

I stood there and looked at the three needles in my abdomen pumping life giving medicine with a sense of unreality. For the past hour the nurse had been explaining and demonstrating the process for the gamma globulin infusions. Infusions that would give me the antibodies that I was lacking. Four years of illness and infection might be coming to an end through these infusions.

Surprisingly, I was not in much discomfort. It felt odd, but not painful. I looked over at the paramedic who had come to be trained with me and smiled. I was not sure if it was to reassure her or to reassure myself. For the next two hours I suffered through blood pressure checks, having my temperature taken and answering question after question as  the nurse gauged how I was responding to the treatment.

I made it all the way through the entire  with no complications. As I waved goodbye to the nurse, I felt the last of my energy draining away. I slowly put away the vast array of medical supplies that were now a part of my life as I reflected on what this weekly treatment would mean to me.

In one way this treatment would restore my life to me. No longer would I be trapped in this constant cycle of infections and illness. In another way, it would complicate my life as I learned to juggle a 2 hour treatment into my life and all of the meds that were needed to counteract the side effects. But the reality is that life never remains the same. All I can do is try to embrace the changes with grace.

And grace sounds so very easy and yet can be so difficult. It is a good thing I do not have to do this alone. I am blessed with family and friends who will support and love me as I journey. And of course the absolute knowledge that God loves me and offers me His grace and love every step of the way.

And that is enough for me ......

Just Connie

Thought about Tomorrow

Tomorrow is the day ... the day I begin treatment. I have been in a flurry of cleaning the last two days trying to get everything laid out and ready. Knowing that I might not feel like doing much housework the next couple of weeks I wanted to have as much done as I could.

Tomorrow, mid day the home health care nurse will arrive to train me to do my own infusions. I am hopeful that I will be able to learn the process well and thoroughly so that I do not have to be sent to an IV infusion center to have this done.

In all honesty I am a little nervous about how it will go and how I will feel afterwards. I think it is the basic fear of the unknown. Well that .... and all of the warnings that have come with the training of this training.They tell me that "few people have problems or reactions to the treatment .... by the way, what is the fire department response time to your house?" That has come from the four different people I have talked to from the drug company and it has not filled me with confidence.

So I have stayed busy today getting ready, my mother arrived this afternoon and will stay with me for several days. I am very thankful ... though of course I would not want to tell her that ... because of course I am absolutely confident that I can do this . .....

You are never too old to need your mommy ....

Just Connie

Changes

I stood there and looked with dismay at the very large box that had just been delivered. I knew what it contained and I had not been looking forward with anticipation to this delivery. With a sigh, I got   the scissors and began opening the box.

Removing the packing from the top I gingerly picked up the packet on the top that said, "Welcome New Patient". For the next hour I read through the materials that told me in great detail (and pictures) what my Gamma Globulin Immune Therapy would entail.

With a sigh, I looked at the DVD I held in my hand. I slowly put it down, not ready yet to watch the full reality of what I would be doing Wednesday. I packed the welcome sheets back into the case and sat there mulling over everything I had read. The process was much more complicated than I had expected. This was not a simple shot ... this was a 2 hour infusion at three different sites every week. The realization gripped me that this was a life changing event. My life was about to change in very real and unmistakable ways.

But as I pondered these changes, it dawned on me that my life had taken a dramatic turn three years ago when I first got ill. The difference was that I did not realize at the time that my life was changing. After every illness I expected life to go back to normal ... only it did not. This was another major change, but it gives me the hope that I would be well again. Seems like it might be  good trade off.

So I am looking at a life changing event ... things will change. But some of those changes will be very positive. That is enough to hang onto. I choose to continue to look for the blessings I am going to find on this new journey.

There are good things ahead ....

Just Connie

It is a Day

Today was just one of "those" kind of days ... emotional ... exhausting and troubling. It began with a phone call that brought information that I did not want to hear and made me incredibly sad. From there I dealt with a very unhappy person that I did not even know was upset. We cried together and I was left with a sense of having failed so spectacularly that I did not even know I had failed.

Shaken but striving to look at the positive, I answered the phone only to find out it was the pharmaceutical company that will be distributing my treatment drugs and training me for self injection. After that phone call I laid my head down and cried. Suddenly, the treatment seemed very close and very real and downright scary. But whispering a prayer I worked to pull it together so I could head to the local restaurant for a meeting. As I walked in, I was handed a check to help me with medical costs. That began the tears all over again.

So here I am, tired, blessed and  tearful around the edges. So all in all I guess a normal ministry day.

Looking forward to tomorrow .... things have to be better .... right?

Just Connie

A Break

I took a break from all the medical stuff this past weekend. In fact I did something new and different. I took a beginning kayaking class. One of the medics from the Fire Department and I signed up for this class well over a month ago. I have been anxiously watching my lung function and praying that I could actually do this.

So very early on Saturday morning we headed up to West Linn for our class. For the next 6 hours we learned all kinds of paddle strokes and paddled around the Willamette. I somehow did not tip myself over once and I learned a lot. It was a beautiful bright sunny day and it felt so good to be outside.

As we wrapped up the class and began packing all of our stuff away it dawned on me that I have not done enough of this in the last few years. There is something about being outside that gives me life and I need to do more of it.

So I have decided that as I prepare for treatment I am going to be more intentional about getting outside. So for the first part of that commitment, I have scheduled a paddle boarding day the end of this month. And no, I have never been paddle boarding, but I am going to learn. Something tells me that I will love it!

Now I am going to look around and find thing that will get me outside between now and then .... who knows what I will learn next?

Just Connie