Enough For Me

I stood there and looked at the three needles in my abdomen pumping life giving medicine with a sense of unreality. For the past hour the nurse had been explaining and demonstrating the process for the gamma globulin infusions. Infusions that would give me the antibodies that I was lacking. Four years of illness and infection might be coming to an end through these infusions.

Surprisingly, I was not in much discomfort. It felt odd, but not painful. I looked over at the paramedic who had come to be trained with me and smiled. I was not sure if it was to reassure her or to reassure myself. For the next two hours I suffered through blood pressure checks, having my temperature taken and answering question after question as  the nurse gauged how I was responding to the treatment.

I made it all the way through the entire  with no complications. As I waved goodbye to the nurse, I felt the last of my energy draining away. I slowly put away the vast array of medical supplies that were now a part of my life as I reflected on what this weekly treatment would mean to me.

In one way this treatment would restore my life to me. No longer would I be trapped in this constant cycle of infections and illness. In another way, it would complicate my life as I learned to juggle a 2 hour treatment into my life and all of the meds that were needed to counteract the side effects. But the reality is that life never remains the same. All I can do is try to embrace the changes with grace.

And grace sounds so very easy and yet can be so difficult. It is a good thing I do not have to do this alone. I am blessed with family and friends who will support and love me as I journey. And of course the absolute knowledge that God loves me and offers me His grace and love every step of the way.

And that is enough for me ......

Just Connie