Precious Gifts

I have not found a good way to explain my illness to people. Most people do not know that I have a serious immune illness, but most know that I have been sick. I have been fielding questions since I arrived at the retreat center two hours ago.

When casual aquaintences ask how I am feeling, I tell them I am "working on it". When friends who have known some of the struggle ask, I am trying to be honest and say, "I am not doing well, but I am blessed and happy". I just had one of those hard conversations with a dear couple who did not realize that I was fighting a potentially fatal disease. They made the  comment that they were so surprised to see my posts of me skiing, hiking and out fighting fires knowing that I had been sick. But as I told them, when I was told that I had a potentially fatal disease I decided that I was not going to sit around and wait to get better to do things. I decided over a year ago that I was going to live each day that I had been given fully and completely.

And I have to admit that has been a driving force in how active I choose to be. I am not willing to take any of the days I have been given for granted. Each and every day is a precious gift and I will do now all the things that I love, the things that give me life.

I do not believe that is a bad philosophy, but it is a mind set that many of the people who love me struggle with. They want to see me rest more, and be much more cautious in how I am spending my time. As much as I love them, I cannot concede to the life they want for me.

I want to live .. Full and free and joyous. I want to savor my friendships and invest my time in things that give me life and bring other people life.

I am so grateful for the love and support that are showered on me. I hope that even as I live as I choose and not as they want for me, they will understand how much I appreciate their desire to protect me and their love and support.

Love is too precious and too rare to ever be taken for granted. I hope that somehow they will know how much I love them.

Just Connie