The Lawn

I have a chore to do….. I don’t much want to do it. But I need to do it anyway. It greeted me as I drove in the driveway tonight. Green grass .... long green grass everywhere. It is beginning to look like a vacant house. I was going to do it tonight but I had so much housework to get done that I didn’t get to the “chore”. At least that is the excuse I am giving and I plan to stick to it.

Last week I had a special surprise when one of the neighbor boys came down and mowed my lawn. I paid him cause it was really long … and the first time it had been cut this year. I was so relieved that I probably would have signed over the title to my car if he asked me. His mother came over as a special surprise and weeded my front flower bed. Then she planted pansies in my window box. I was absolutely blown away. It made me cry that they would take the time to help me. They are a special blessing to me and I am so glad that we are neighbors.

That was last week. This week we have had good weather and warm temperatures and the lawn is beginning to look like African savannah again. I would love to have a really good excuse to keep putting it off, but I am running out of reasonable excuses. Sigh … which means that I should do the responsible thing and mow my lawn … I do not know why this seems like such an overwhelming chore.

Last time my husband left, my father and my nephew came over and taught me to mow the lawn. It was a wonderful thing to do because I had never mowed a lawn in my life. I really struggled, I would mow the back yard and then sit on the steps and cry. Then I would mow the front lawn and sit on the steps and cry. And sometimes I would just cry through the whole process because it was so overwhelming to me.

This time my goal is that there will be no crying allowed when mowing. That is my plan. And yet I find that I am strangely reluctant to actually do this. This is not a hard thing. I should not make this so difficult. But yet, it is this huge unwieldy thing that I do not know what to do with. So when I do not know what to do, there is someone to turn to.

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified … for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6

I guess it is a matter of leaning on God instead of me. It is time for me to be strong and courageous. I can do this. God is big enough for this. So I declare tomorrow to be lawn mowing day. …… perhaps it will rain.

Just Connie

This New Life

What a beautiful day it was today. The sun shone bright after weeks of rain and ice. It was warm and the trees are in blossom. I sat outside for a little bit today and reveled in the warm breeze that blew flower petals gently past my face. I felt the need to stretch my arms out to the heavens and let Spring wrap itself around me.

I think I need to spend more moments like that because too often I am confronted with the reality of my vastly changed life. My lawn is beginning to look like you could go on safari and hunt for lions in it. In other words, it is beginning to resemble African savannah. The thought of dragging the lawn mower out and trying to start it for the first time this season is … well depressing and overwhelming. I know that I will have to face this; it is part of this new life. But I so don’t want to do it.

I did not want this new life, but it is here regardless. With the ups and downs, with the loneliness, with the breath-taking hurt it is what it is. I am trying to find victory. I am confident that God will continue to bring me through. I just have to be faithful to take the next step. You know I have this suspicion that the next step might involve the lawn mower and knee high grass.

"But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ" 1 Corinthians 15:57 NIV

Just Connie