There are times that my heart hurts. Sometimes for easily understandable and clear reasons. Sometimes it is harder for me to get a grasp on what hurts. Yesterday was like that for me. I punched the button on the answering machine and listened to the familiar voice asking for a call back. After months of silence ... there he was, my former husband. I picked up the phone and dialed the number before I lost my nerve. Over the next 15 minutes I struggled to find words, I cried and I hung up the phone with a heavy heart.
Over the next hours I sat and cried and remembered. I remembered the handsome man who promised to love and cherish me. I remembered nights of drunken rage, weeks of loneliness and crushing debt. I remember the man who tenderly cared for me when I was sick and had me cringing in terror when drinking. I remembered it all and I grieved for what could have been.
I am still a bit subdued tonight as I grapple with everything I am feeling. So many emotions .... so much loss. But in spite of the loss I can see how God has brought me through. His grace has comforted my grieving heart as His love has been a beacon of hope before me. And in the warmth of that light there is healing and the knowledge that tomorrow is a new day.
"You, O LORD, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light." Psalm 18:28
Just Connie
1 comment:
You are such an amazing woman of love and light and joy to me. You are such an inspiration and I love you with God's love. Thank you for being vulnerable and real and loving God like you do and showing me that when you love God utterly the hard stuff is possible. You are truly, truly amazing and a real beacon of God's love!
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