13 years ago my life blew up around me when my husband suddenly left me. Soon after that I learned that I was an "embarrassment" to my denomination & church who really just wanted the embarrassment to go away. During that same time many of my friends pulled away in confusion, unsure of how to relate to me when I was no longer a wife, and no longer a pastor. Each perceived rejection screamed to me that I was worthless and unlovable. In my hurt I pulled away from everyone who had been a part of that life. And desperately began to try to rebuild a new life.
For years I studiously avoided my former denomination and my former friends. It hurt too badly to face their questions and the constant pressure of never being able to measure up. Because the reality was that nothing would ever change the fact that my husband had left and I struggled to live in that new reality.
A little over two years ago I very tentatively made contact with a fellow pastor who had been a friend in that "former life". Over the next two years he slowly brought me into contact with others. I would love to say that I willingly embraced each of the people who reached out to me, but in truth I was very fearful and cautious. And sometimes it took me days to accept their overtures.
Tomorrow I will be seeing one of those friends from my former life. And this is not just any friend, this is the best friend I have ever had, my heart friend. I am excited, I am scared and I am everything in between. I am also very grateful .... grateful for the opportunity for restoration ... grateful that God does not leave us on the discard pile.
I am grateful for a love that transcends the hurt....
Just Connie
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