Exhausted

I think that sorrow must weigh a hundred pounds or more. I feel like I have been carrying around a backpack of bricks today. God got me through today, gave me wisdom, strength, everything I needed, but now at the end of the day I am done in.


I am exhausted, inside and out. And out of the morass of hurt, sorrow and exhaustion some things seem to be floating to the top of the yuck. I think that perhaps it would be good to take them out of the yuck and take a look at it.

• There is a yearning in me to be loved, completely and absolutely loved. And though I recognize that no one can love me like God does, I need to also recognize that in me is the desire to be loved and cherished by flesh and blood.
• There is also in me a deep fear of being rejected and hurt. That very fear can keep others at arms length and keep me from developing deep relationships.
• There is a need in me to live in the midst of family. I need the security of nurturing relationships and the companionship and acceptance that families give to each other.

In this season of life, I realize that I am missing some of the things that are important to me, some of the things that my heart cries out for. That is what life is all about after all. It is not in just handling the good things, but in what we do when life is not what we would choose. It is about finding contentment and peace right where we are.


There is much about my life that I love. My church, my community and my ministry are all precious to me. I need to not let the sting of rejection rob me of joy, peace and contentment in the here and now.


I am thinking I need to get alone for a while tomorrow, sit in the midst of nature and let God fill my heart with peace as I listen for what He has to say.


He is big enough, strong enough and loving enough, to fill all the holes and wounds that life leaves in me.


Just Connie