Sick of Being Sick

When the Pulmonologist office called to tell me they were calling in an additional antibiotic, I realized that I only had a few minutes to get there before they closed for lunch. So I threw things together for a quick trip to the neighboring town to pick up the antibiotic and to pick up the insulin which I am forced to go back on because of the increase in the steroids.

The good news is that they had the insulin ready for me. The bad news was they could not get the antibiotic until Monday. The really bad news was that I found myself tearing up when she told me that. She offered to call some of the McMinnville places to see if any of them had it in stock. Albertson Pharmacy did, so I got back into my 150 degree car (because the air conditioner is not working) and headed to McMinnville. 25 minutes later I was standing at the pharmacy counter as they explained it would take them 25 minutes to fill the order. I staggered to the nearest chair, put my sunglasses on and cried. I felt like an absolute idiot, but there I was at Albertsons crying.

When they finally called for my name, took all of my insurance information and gave me the antibiotics I headed to the car before I could socially embarrass myself any more than I already had. I got back into the 150 degree car and headed home.

So now I have the drugs that will get me through the weekend. Hopefully getting my blood sugar and the infection under control with help with my rollercoaster of emotions. I am just so sick of being sick today. All of this seems way too familiar. And yes I remember that all my doctors told me I was not done with infections and they would come back ... but I was so hopeful they were wrong or at least there would be a longer break than I have had. I also realize that I am tired and I am sick. And emotions are effected by our bodies and the drugs we pour into them. It is just not like me to feel sooooo ... well overwhelmed with everything and so grieved at the things I have not been able to do this past week. Things that not only were important to me, but important to others as well. I feel like I have let them down.

So tonight I am taking my meds, rehydrating and going to try to get some good sleep. I am also looking for the Comforter and will try to attune myself for what God wants to say to my hurting heart.

Just Connie