The Hike

As I have journeyed through my health crisis over the past few years I have made several commitments. One of those commitments has been to keep moving and stay active. The doctors all say that this is the right thing to do and will not only help me in the short term but has great long term benefits for my lungs and immune system. I have also found that getting outdoors breathes life into me.

I have been struggling with lung function over the past couple weeks and have recently had to go back on night  time oxygen. But I have really been feeling the need to get outside and soak up some of Gods beautiful creation. So yesterday I packed up and went hiking with a friend to a hike I have done many times.

The air was a bit smoky from the wild fires in the Mt Jefferson Wilderness area, but I was not that concerned. I brought my inhaler and a nebulizer with me if needed. And oh my goodness ... Did I end up needing them.

I began struggling pretty early in the hike and was making frequents stops, trying to slow down my breathing and take deeper breaths. At about 3.5 miles my hiking partner looked at me and said, "You need to sit down." And it was at that point the nausea hit like a sledge hammer and right behind that came the overwhelming feeling of discouragement. Suddenly I was so done with being sick all the time, struggling with things that should be easy and sick and tired of being sick and tired.

As usual my hiking partner was wonderful, supportive and wise ... We turned around and headed back. I got to the car and did two back to back breathing treatments and began to do better. We went to dinner (which stayed down) thanks to my great anti nausea drugs and enjoyed some time poking through the shops next to the restaurant.

As I have been thinking about the hike, I am blessed by the beauty that we saw, blessed by a great friendship and realizing that I have pretty high expectations of myself. I still have this feeling that I should have been able to finish the hike I have done so many times in the past. My brain tells me that is unreasonable, but my emotions are telling me I am a wimp and I need to push harder.

So tonight I am thinking and feeling and sorting things out.....

Just Connie