Blue Tuesday seems to have spilled over into Wednesday. I have been sad and tense all day. I am probably paying the piper for not dealing with this yesterday. I was really expecting to pop out of bed this morning feeling better. But it didn't happen that way.
I woke up this morning with a feeling of sadness that covered me like a damp blanket. I just could not seem to crawl out from underneath it. I went to the office, I got work done, had a staff meeting and yet the sadness was there. All I wanted to do was go home and crawl into bed and cry. But there were things to do and commitments that needed to be met.
So here I sit tonight, my head hurts, I am tearful and I am filled with sadness. I am sad for the choices my husband made. I am sad for the horrific things that happened to me before he left. I am sad that I am facing life alone. I am sad at where my life is right now. I am so filled with sadness that I feel as if there will never be anything but this wrenching grief and loss.
I guess that this is where faith really counts. I believe that God loves me. I believe that He has a plan for me. I believe that he has not abandoned me. Even though my emotions scream unloved, unwanted ... worthless. Faith believes in the light even when standing in the darkness.
So tonight I stand in the dark and wait for the light. Faith gives me hope.
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord you God will be with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9
Just Connie
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