Christmas Decorating

Yesterday the neighbor boys came and helped me take all the Christmas decorations out of the attic. That means today I began to unpack and sort things. I had not touched any of the Christmas things since Gerrald left two years ago. But I knew that it was time to sort  it and put some things away.

I did fairly well though I really drug my feet about getting started. I began to take out tree decorations and things were pretty good, until I got to the angel for the front room tree. I had a sudden flash back to the day Gerrald and I had found the angel. It was in the basement of the Mission in a pile of trash and throw aways.I can remember carefully cleaning it and how much fun we had decorating our tree together that first year. I looked at the angel in my hand and began to cry. I cried for the senseless loss of our marriage and the loneliness that frames my life now.

In time the tears stopped. I stood up, put the angel on the tree and went on to the next task. I think that sometimes all you can do is take one more step forward. I guess that this was just one more step.

Just Connie

Charlie Update

I have been tenderly caring for Charlie my sheepdog. I have mopped up blood and laundered bedding and tried to not have my house looking like an axe murderer has been at work there. One of the things I decided to do at the vet's office was to put her on large doses of antibiotics in case there was an underlying infection. In fact two different types of antibiotics. I also opted for doses of vitamin K which is supposed to help her blood clot so she does not bleed as much.

Yesterday, she only had one small nose bleed and today she has had none. I am trying hard to not get my hopes up. I realize that it could be the meds are doing what they are supposed to and clearing the symptoms but not the real problem. I also realize that it could be part of the normal ebb and flow of the tumor and might not bleed for a while. But I also realize that it could be a miracle and she might be healed.

So today I am encouraged. I have been able to clean up some of the blood and have been so blessed at perky Charlie seems. She has run and played and seems to be so well it is hard to imagine that there is something horrible growing in her head.

So I think I will keep enjoying every day I am given with her and keep praying for a miracle.

Just Connie

Charlie

I looked with disbelief at the blood on my hands. Grabbing my Charlie my 10 year old sheepdog by her hair, I pulled her closer and saw the blood streaming out of her nose. In that moment .... I knew. My heart plummeted as I realized what that probably meant. I grabbed towels and pulled a comforter over my bed and spent the night trying to clean up the sporadic bleeds she was having. As soon as the vet was open I was there, only to get the news I was expecting. It was probably a tumor and there was not much that could be done at her age.

I staggered out of the vet's office and somehow made it home. I wrapped my arms around her wept. The reality was that this dog who has so enriched my life for the last 10 years was dying and there was nothing that I could do to stop it.

I remember the wiggly fur ball she was when I brought her home. And somehow she grew into the immense giant of a dog. I also remember her adolescence .... she didn't chew shoes, she ate the deck and the side of the house. But eventually she outgrew those habits and turned into this wonderful gentle giant. A dog that I could leave with my 100 year old grand mother and not worry about her bumping her or startling her.This is a dog that loves to spend her days on the couch and loves to hike with me. She  follows me across logs and up mountains and will do anything that I ask her to do. She is fearless as we explore the Northwest together.

The one thing that I have never been able to break her of, was her distressing habit of digging .... no, a better word is excavating. She would move yards and yards of dirt. She loved it. And this past summer I discovered that she had dug under the house and had to pour 5 sacks of concrete back under the foundation to stabilize everything.

These last two years she has slowed down and I do not take her on long hikes anymore, but she is still happy and active and her joints do not seem to bother her. But this silent killer growing in her head will take her from me. I am so grieved that it is hard to even find words to express it.

So I will try to enjoy the days I have left with her. I do not want the fear of her approaching death to rob  me of the joy of being with her now. She has truly been a gift and I am very thankful for her.

Just Connie

Thanksgiving Day

Today was Thanksgiving. I spent a quiet morning doing some housework and then headed off to Lake Oswego to spend the day with my Aunt and Uncle and their family. It was good to see everyone. I seldom have the chance to sit and talk and spend much time with them. So it was very good to have some time with them.

There was lots of laughter, lots of conversation and good food to top it all off. As much as I enjoyed being with them I have to admit a lingering feeling of sadness today. I miss the days of having the family gather round and days spent cooking and preparing.

But regardless, today was good and I am thankful for so many things. And that is what Thanksgiving is really about.

Just Connie

Attitude

Pastors never have bad attitudes ..... yeah right! I had something happen this week that I have not been able to shake. I find that I am feeling taken advantage of ... shortchanged and I do not like it. And today I noticed that all those feelings have festered into one very bad attitude.

Other people probably did not  notice it, but it was there. I could feel it welling up in me and lurking around the edges of every conversation. I could feel the anger rising at unexpected moments. yes ...... there it was .... attitude and all of it bad.

You would think that being a pastor and all that it would be very easy to get rid of a bad attitude. But you have to be willing to let it go. And sometimes that is pretty difficult to do.

So tonight, I am choosing to let go of my bad attitude. I am letting go of my right to be angry and my sense of ill use. I am laying it down and I will do my best to not pick it back up. Goodbye bad attitude. I do not think I will miss it.

Just Connie

Snow Day

It is snowing! It is also bitterly cold ... about 18 degrees. I have the pellet stove going full bore trying to keep up, but it is still rather cool in the house for the most part.

Since the hill was a solid sheet of ice I worked at home today. I have been writing and doing some organization around the house today. Things that were really past due to get done.Things were going pretty smoothly until the Internet crashed. That was just downright painful.

So tonight I am bundled up in a blanket in front of the fire getting my Internet tasks caught up on. It is lightly snowing and the fire lights the room with a soft glow. I think I could use a few more nights like this. This is nice.

Just Connie

Reminder

I had a reminder tonight. It was not a reminder that I wanted and it probably was not a reminder that was intended ... but it came through loud and clear to me.

I got some news that was unwelcome and it hit me hard as I realized .... there was no one to speak for me. I was standing alone. There was no one at my back, no one to advocate for me. There was no one to protect me. There was no one who had my best interest at heart. It felt like someone punched me in the stomach and I felt my eyes tear up as I stood there.

These reminders really shake me. They sap me of drive and energy and fill me with a sense of sadness. I work hard to try to shake it off and to see it in the right perspective. But I have to admit that tonight it hurts.

But it is what it is and I need to learn to come to terms with it. So I will get a good night's sleep and wake to fight it better tomorrow.

Just Connie

Three Causes of Thankfulness

Thanksgiving Day is around the corner. Thankfulness should just be pouring out of us and yet so often we struggle to find the feelings of thankfulness in our heart and lives. The busyness of life, the obstacles and heartaches we face so often rob us of those very things we search for.

Here are three things which increase thankfulness in myself and for the people around me.
Grace
"All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God." 2 Corinthians 4:15

God's grace reconciling us and puring through our heart and lives ... the very act of receiving grace brings thankfulness. If I am struggling to feel thankfulness than I need to experience fully God's grace and express God's grace and thankfulness will flow.


Generosity
"You will be enriched in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God." 2 Corinthians 9:11


Generosity  is built into our nature through our relationship with Christ. We are created for it and our world is created for us to be generous in thought and deed. It is not just the issue of our finances, it is the issue of our time and our talents. It is being generous with everything we have and everything we are. the result of that generosity is thankfulness. But generous and thankfulness will come.
Service
"This service that you perform is not only supplying the needs of the Lord’s people but is also overflowing in many expressions of thanks to God." 2 Corinthians 9:12


When we serve it changes us and it changes the people around us. Service is a life changing choice and it meets the needs of a hurting world. When I make the choice for service I will bring thanksgiving to everyone that I come into contact with.
If you are finding it hard to give thanks, try developing these three things in your life. Grace, Generosity and Service. Scripture tells us to "give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:18.

Thanksgiving is what we are created for and it is God;s call on our lives. it is time to be thankful.

Just Connie

Christmas Spirit

They are forecasting snow in the next 24 hours and so I decided that it was time to get in the Christmas spirit. Since it was a bit early to pull out the Christmas decorations, I did the next best thing and put Bubba Bunny in his Christmas finery.

He was a pretty good sport and I have to admit

that it made me smile. He posed for a few minutes before he was done and off to other things.

It got me to thinking how those few minutes of silliness really lifted my spirits. I think perhaps there is value in allowing yourself to be silly once in a while. Value in choosing to smile and looking for joy in unexpected moments.

Come on ... admit it .... doesn't that picture make you smile?

Just Connie

Busy Day

Today has been a whirl wind of activity. It began with my volunteer reading time up at the grade school and from there I jumped in the car and headed to Salem. I got my flu shot and headed to the Conference Office to meet with the Superintendent. I am so fortunate to have such a wonderful boss. He is a godly man who has consistently supported and encouraged me. He is such an asset to all of us and I am very thankful for him.

After my meeting I met a good friend for lunch. The time flew by and it was so good to spend a few moments with her. I kissed her goodbye and then headed out to try to complete my long list of errands. I picked up items for the basket that will be auctioned off Sunday night, I found the last of the things i needed for the "Shoebox gifts" for Operation Christmas Child, I found battery operated lights for the light parade, I went to United grocers and picked up supplies for the church ... and the list just goes on.

I made it home just in time to eat something quickly and then head to the church for the board meeting. Now it is 10:00pm and I am ready to call it a night. "It's a night!".

Just Connie

Wedensday Thoughts

Busy day today. it began with a chamber of commerce meeting. Well that is not quite true, it began with me waking up with a charlie horse shrieking about 5:00. But after that there was the Chamber meeting and then it was back to the church to prepare for tomorrow's board meeting and do  a 101 small tasks. I worked steady and then headed to the gym in the afternoon to have my session with the personal trainer. 

The session with the trainer was informative and encouraged me to make positive choices in my eating and exercise habits. I ended up with a a short cardio workout that reminded met hat I have gotten out of shape. But I feel that I am headed in the right direction.

From there I ran home to get something to eat and prepare for the School of Prayer meeting. That all went very well and it was a blessing to have my boss the Conference Superintendent teaching on prayer tonight. Now I am home and winding up a long day and getting ready for tomorrow. Tomorrow is coming fast.

Just Connie

   

Sermon Day

Today is my study and sermon day. Can you picture the soft music, quiet prayer and contemplation? That is always how my study day plays out in my mind. My first clue today that it was not going to be like that was the 4th phone call. One of which was a counseling call and was a lengthy problem to unwind. About the time I got focused back on the scripture passage for Sunday the drop in visitors began to arrive. In pairs and groups and singles they kept coming. Problems, hellos, information ... they came all day long.

The amazing thing to me is that at the end of the day, the sermon was wrapped up, the closing song chosen and a myriad of other issues dealt with and put away as well. In spite of the interruptions or the way my day had been planned, ministry happened.

I think it was a good reminder for me that ministry is found more in the people moments than then quiet contemplative moments. In spite of me ... ministry happens.

Just Connie

Thankful for Who You Are

What better time to take a look at what Scripture has to say about Thankfulness than as we approach Thanksgiving. Today we are going to take at look at Thankfulness in Psalms. Focusing especially on thankfulness for who God is. Here are some thing that the Psalmist tells us to be thankful for.
Salvation
"I will give you thanks, for you answered me; you have become my salvation." Psalm 118:21


God’s Righteousness
"I will give thanks to the LORD because of his righteousness; I will sing the praises of the name of the LORD Most High." Psalm 7:17


God’s Goodness
"Praise the LORD. Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever." Psalm 106:1


God’s Love
"Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever." Psalm 107:1


God’s Works
"Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for mankind" Psalm 107:8


God’s Glory
"Save us, LORD our God, and gather us from the nations, that we may give thanks to your holy name and glory in your praise." Psalm 106:47


God’s Name
"I will praise God’s name in song and glorify him with thanksgiving." Psalm 69:30


Joy
"A psalm. For giving grateful praise. Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth." Psalm 100:1


We are called to live lives of thankfulness.
"rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness." Colossians 2:7


Knowing who God is increases our understanding of how he blesses our lives. What better way to celebrate Thanksgiving than with a grateful heart acknowledging God in all of His wonder and power. Let thankfulness become a part of us.

Just Connie

Gymboree

Over the last year my activity level has slowly changed. I used to walk two miles every morning ... that stopped when I left the Mission. As my activity level changed ... so did my weight. I found myself looking with surprise at the numbers on my scale one morning and realizing that it was past time for me to do something about it.

So I bit the bullet and joined with two friends and joined a gym today. The gym is only 5 minutes away from the house which will give me a lot of flexibility in finding in some work out time. I am supposed to meet with a personal trainer this week and get a work out routine laid out.

So this is my commitment to eating well and moving lots. I have a feeling there is lots of hard work ahead. Sigh .....

Just Connie

Friday Thoughts

Busy day today. I headed to the church early because it was the first day of the Coastal Hills Art Tour. Local artists and art guilds display all throughout the town. It is a great event and everyone in town is part of the festivities. At our church we were selling soup and breads and had local crafters selling their crafts.

I spent some time going around to the different artists to get a feel for it. It was  very interesting to me to see the scope of the artists that were displayed. There were potters, painters photographers, jewelers, wood carvers, quilters and so much more. I really enjoyed it.

So tomorrow we have one more day of Art Tour. I am hoping to get around to the artists I did not have time to see today. We will see, there is plenty of work at the church and I am hoping to go and sign up for a gym membership. That should be plenty to keep me busy.

Just Connie.

Birthday Wishes

Today is my daughter's birthday. 25 years ago another woman gave birth to a gorgeous baby girl. In love and compassion she placed that baby girl for adoption. 5 days later Joy came home with me. Her arrival brought so much into my life. I am very grateful that she was entrusted to me.

As I think about her birthday today it has made me reflect on what I wish for her. So here is my list of 25 birthday wishes for my Joy. (not necessarily in order of importance)

1.  Confidence that will sustain you
2.  Education that will teach you
3.  Purpose that will fulfill you
4.  A job that will let you work hard
5.  A partner to love you
6.  For an unbroken heart, that love will never betray you
7.  A life of  faith to bring hope to your days
8.  A home that is a sanctuary
9.  The desire and ability to dance
10. Laughter to brighten your life
11. Hobbies to bring interest and fullness
12. Family to be protection and support
13. A place to belong
14. Furry friends to give you unconditional love
15. Good Books
16. Good games to remind you to play
17. Friends to love you
18. The urge to pray, to remind you that God is near
19. Nature to bless your heart
20. Good health
21. Vision for the future
22. The knowledge that you are loved
23. An understanding of who you are in Christ
24. Hope that tomorrow will come
25. A Church family to encourage you

Happy Birthday Joy, I love you,

Just Connie, your mom

Into the Light

I sat there in the midst of my colleagues and looked at my hands. The conversation had turned to domestic abuse. I could feel the panic start to grip me as I listened. Then one of my fellow pastors said, " I do not understand what would cause a woman to stay in an an abusive relationship. Is her self image so damaged that she cannot leave?"

I quietly cleared my throat and said, "The steps to abuse are very small and you are there before you know it." The room quieted as they turned and looked at me. I sat up straight and said, "My husband was a wonderful man when he was not drinking. But when he was drinking he was ... well not so wonderful. It was a very gradual and confusing road that I walked with him. And one day I looked at where I was and was stunned. I could not believe that I was one of those women."

There was dead silence in the room and I know that it deeply shocked my colleagues that I had been an abused wife. The conversation gradually went on to other things. But I have pondered it since it happened. I am surprised at my initial panic. I was filled with fear that they might realize I had been abused. The fear of judgement and rejection and shame. That kind of secret does no one any good. I am very glad that I drug the secret out into the light.

I hope that I will have other opportunities to share my experience. I think that it will bring healing to my heart and perhaps broaden my own understanding. I also hope and pray that I do not get caught up in the shame and secret that gripped me for so many years. it is good to walk in the light and I am glad that God prompted me today.

"You, LORD, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light." Psalm 18:28


Just Connie

Tuesday Thoughts

I am wrapping up yet another day. I had a productive day at the office and finished up some desk work, my sermon, my Sunday School lesson and some other odds and ends. I even had the chance to meet with several people.

Through it all, Hope puppy was bouncing around. I usually take her with me to the office on Monday's and Tuesdays. One of her special friends gave her a squeaky ball. She has been in heaven. The whole time I was working on my sermon she was laying at my feet going squeeee-eeek, squeeee-eeek... squeeee-eeek squeeee-eeek. Whenever someone came into the office they would make her supremely happy by throwing the ball. She has learned that she can bolt the length of the sanctuary and catch the ball in the air if she is fast enough. She brings a smile to my face as I watch the joy she takes in her games.

I want that  kind of joy and enthusiasm in my own life. I think it would do me well to take a lesson from Hope puppy. I am not sure I have it in me to chase the ball though.....

Just Connie

Emotions

Sometimes my emotions run in places I do not want them to go. I try to herd them down acceptable paths, but  they break through in unexpected places. It was like that for me today as I was talking to my daughter.

My daughter is a wonderful young woman and I am very proud of her. She has built her life and done it on her own. I have really missed her since she has moved to Washington with her boyfriend. Everything was going fine as we chatted about Thanksgiving, her life and upcoming Christmas plans. But as we talked, suddenly I was struck by a flood of loneliness. Tears ran down my face as I tried to choke off the tide of sorrow that gripped me. I fought to keep my voice steady, but I suspicion that my daughter heard my tears. But we both pretended they were not there.

So tonight I am fighting to find my equilibrium again. I am determined to chase this sense of loneliness back into acceptable paths. I cannot change my reality and I will find contentment right where I am. I will ... I will ... I will!

Just Connie

Peace and Grace

Sunday is here and so is today's sermon. The text can be found in Galatians 6:11-18"


11 See what large letters I use as I write to you with my own hand!


12 Those who want to impress people by means of the flesh are trying to compel you to be circumcised. The only reason they do this is to avoid being persecuted for the cross of Christ. 13 Not even those who are circumcised keep the law, yet they want you to be circumcised that they may boast about your circumcision in the flesh. 14 May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world. 15 Neither circumcision nor uncircumcision means anything; what counts is the new creation. 16 Peace and mercy to all who follow this rule—to the Israel of God.


17 From now on, let no one cause me trouble, for I bear on my body the marks of Jesus.


18 The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit, brothers and sisters. Amen.

This passage reminds us that nothing has meaning but Christ.
" Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!"
2 Corinthians 5:17
Everything we are is determined by our relationship with Christ.There are two things that Paul mentions int his passage that are important for us. The peace of God and grace.

We are new creations in Christ and the outcome of this is peace and grace
Peace
"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7


Peace is a state of mind not the absence of problems

1.  Peace is Knowing God
2.  Experiencing God
3.  Expecting God

Grace
"so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord." Romans 5:21


1,  Grace for forgiveness
2.  Grace for relationships
3.  Grace to live in freedom
4.  Grace to be who we are in Christ

 It is not about the rules, it is not about the things I think I do well. It is about being in Christ. … peace & grace are the outcomes.

Just Connie

Christmas Plans

I worked on Christmas today. I met with a couple of others for lunch and we began planning the Christmas Candle light service. It was exciting to see the creativity at work as we planned. We looked at specials and dramas and all of the possibilities for this year. There was plenty of laughter to guide us along.

In the end we had the bare bones of an evening of beauty and celebration that will involve much of the congregation in different ways. It is filling me with anticipation for Christmas. And that has not always been the case for me in this past few years.

Today was the first step towards Christmas and I think that is a very good thing.

Just Connie

Thanksgiving Thoughts

Thanksgiving is coming, I have been eagerly awaiting my first family Thanksgiving in 12 years. MY years at the rescue Mission brought a commitment to serving the homeless on Thanksgiving which took me away from the family celebrations for 10 years. Last year my expectation for a family Thanksgiving were crushed with my father's head injury. I spent last Thanksgiving at the hospital with my mother eating turkey from the hospital cafeteria.

This year I have been busily anticipating being with my family for Thanksgiving .... only to find out this morning that the men will be gone Elk hunting and my sister and mother are going to have some friends over to my sisters ... there is no family celebration this year .... I will be on my own.

I have to admit that I am saddened. But I am trying hard to not get stuck on sad. I am going to celebrate real Thanksgiving and not just on one day but everyday.


"rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness." Colossians 2:7


Next year .... the family celebration.

Just Connie

Don't Give Up

I was so excited at our Halloween carnival that I did not post my sermon on Sunday. So here it is ... several days late, but in it's entirety.

The text is found in Galatians 6:7-10


7Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. 8The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. 9Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. 10Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.
 
This whole passage is to keep us looking up, focusing ahead. There are 12 steps found in this passage to help us to just keep going.

1. Be filled with the Spirit (the fruit of the Spirit; Chapter 5)

2. Don’t be fooled (deceived vs 7 do not be deceived)

3. Remember you can’t fool God (vs 7; God cannot be mocked)

4. Sow destruction and reap death (vs 7; a man reaps what he sows)

5. Sow life and gain eternity (vs 8 reap eternal life)

6. Live in the Spirit (vs 8 sows to please the Spirit)

7. Wait for the Proper time (vs 8 at the proper time)

8. Know that there will be a harvest (vs 9 we will reap a harvest)

9. Do good (vs 10,do good to all people)

10. Do good to believers (vs 20; especially to the believers)

11. Look for opportunity (vs 10; as we have opportunity)

12. Do not grow weary (vs 9, not become weary)

 Don’t give up, it is our corporate cry .... God calls us ever forward. We need each other to give strength and courage, we need each other to be who God created us to be. Together we can forge ahead into a brand new tomorrow.

Just Connie

The Hunt For Gold Continues

I shivered as the water ran down my back.  I took hold of a branch and braced myself as I clambered over the log. Sliding down the back side of the log I could see the countryside spread out before me. I leaned back against the log and took in the view through the driving rain.  The tall pine trees were whipping back and forth in the wind gusts. The mist laying on the hills did not obscure the bright colors of the maples and birches. There was beauty in the storm around me and my heart sang as I took in the view.

I pushed my wet hair back from my face and continued down the canyon. Blinking the rain out of my eyes I saw the peek of gold through the heavy moss. Kneeling, I brushed back the moss and fallen leaves as I pulled out my knife. I carefully uncovered my find. There it was, in all of it's glory ....a gorgeous Chantrelle mushroom. I slipped it carefully in the bag and continued the hunt.

Later as I sloshed back to the truck, I was struck by a sense of de-je-vu. I had a sudden flash back to  hours spent hiking the woods and canyons around my parents house. Rain or shine nothing kept me from being out where I felt the best. I smiled as I hitched up my sodden sagging jeans as I remembered my mother hosing us off in the side yard when we got back.

I am grateful for the chance to once again roam the hills and enjoy the beauty of the world around me. Not even the rain can dampen my enthusiasm.

Just Connie