Into the Light

I sat there in the midst of my colleagues and looked at my hands. The conversation had turned to domestic abuse. I could feel the panic start to grip me as I listened. Then one of my fellow pastors said, " I do not understand what would cause a woman to stay in an an abusive relationship. Is her self image so damaged that she cannot leave?"

I quietly cleared my throat and said, "The steps to abuse are very small and you are there before you know it." The room quieted as they turned and looked at me. I sat up straight and said, "My husband was a wonderful man when he was not drinking. But when he was drinking he was ... well not so wonderful. It was a very gradual and confusing road that I walked with him. And one day I looked at where I was and was stunned. I could not believe that I was one of those women."

There was dead silence in the room and I know that it deeply shocked my colleagues that I had been an abused wife. The conversation gradually went on to other things. But I have pondered it since it happened. I am surprised at my initial panic. I was filled with fear that they might realize I had been abused. The fear of judgement and rejection and shame. That kind of secret does no one any good. I am very glad that I drug the secret out into the light.

I hope that I will have other opportunities to share my experience. I think that it will bring healing to my heart and perhaps broaden my own understanding. I also hope and pray that I do not get caught up in the shame and secret that gripped me for so many years. it is good to walk in the light and I am glad that God prompted me today.

"You, LORD, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light." Psalm 18:28


Just Connie