Charlie

I looked with disbelief at the blood on my hands. Grabbing my Charlie my 10 year old sheepdog by her hair, I pulled her closer and saw the blood streaming out of her nose. In that moment .... I knew. My heart plummeted as I realized what that probably meant. I grabbed towels and pulled a comforter over my bed and spent the night trying to clean up the sporadic bleeds she was having. As soon as the vet was open I was there, only to get the news I was expecting. It was probably a tumor and there was not much that could be done at her age.

I staggered out of the vet's office and somehow made it home. I wrapped my arms around her wept. The reality was that this dog who has so enriched my life for the last 10 years was dying and there was nothing that I could do to stop it.

I remember the wiggly fur ball she was when I brought her home. And somehow she grew into the immense giant of a dog. I also remember her adolescence .... she didn't chew shoes, she ate the deck and the side of the house. But eventually she outgrew those habits and turned into this wonderful gentle giant. A dog that I could leave with my 100 year old grand mother and not worry about her bumping her or startling her.This is a dog that loves to spend her days on the couch and loves to hike with me. She  follows me across logs and up mountains and will do anything that I ask her to do. She is fearless as we explore the Northwest together.

The one thing that I have never been able to break her of, was her distressing habit of digging .... no, a better word is excavating. She would move yards and yards of dirt. She loved it. And this past summer I discovered that she had dug under the house and had to pour 5 sacks of concrete back under the foundation to stabilize everything.

These last two years she has slowed down and I do not take her on long hikes anymore, but she is still happy and active and her joints do not seem to bother her. But this silent killer growing in her head will take her from me. I am so grieved that it is hard to even find words to express it.

So I will try to enjoy the days I have left with her. I do not want the fear of her approaching death to rob  me of the joy of being with her now. She has truly been a gift and I am very thankful for her.

Just Connie