Long Day ... Long Meeting

Long day  ... followed by a long long meeting tonight. But at least the budget is mostly done for the year. Tomorrow I will be glad that it is done, tonight I am just tired.

I am already looking to the next project. I am reminded that so often the rewards of finishing a project get lost in the frailty of my body and the long list of thing still to be accomplished. I am not sure that us a good thing, but it seems to be my reality.

Tonight I will listen to my body and get some sleep. Tomorrow I will work on the list once again.

Just Connie

Today's Surpise

For the last couple of years I have struggled with a small growth on my hand. I have tried over the counter remedies, tried freezing it off, even have cut it off on several occasions. Today I gave up and went to the doctor where I found out it was a cyst.

After poking and prodding it, my doctor decided to take it off. It turned out to be a bigger deal than I was expecting. So I am now sitting here wrapped in pressure bandages with my hand elevated. Tomorrow the bandages come off and it will be much easier to type.

Sigh ...

Just Connie

My Vacation

Well after a week of "kind of" vacation, I am back at the office. It has been a very busy week off. I chopped vegetables for the the community dinner (100 pounds of onions and 50 pounds of celery). I went clamming, I picked up 800 pounds of veggies. I spent countless time on the phone trying to make the arrangements for everything and I served for the community dinner on Christmas Day. (we fed over 500 people) And of course I drove to Portland to be with my family.

Today I am back to to a somewhat normal schedule. I have sorted the mail, worked on my sermon, answered lots of phone messages and already began my meeting schedules again.

Tonight I will begin to take down the Christmas decor and reclaim my house. That will be a process of several days. Then I get to begin to shovel out my spare room so my son has an actual room to stay in.

Oh boy .... the fun never stops at my house.

Just Connie

Christmas Clams

I went clamming today. I decided that I wanted to spend some hours of my vacation with friends. So we packed up and drove 3 hours to Seaside. It was a beautiful cold, frosty day. The sun was shining bright when we got there. You could not have asked for better December wather at the beach.

I drug my net and my clam gun up and down the beach and found ...... sand dollars. Lots and lots of sand dollars. Big ones, little ones, whole ones .... broken ones. Every kind and color you could imagine. It was like a wonderful treasure hunt.

I came home with a net full of wonderful things, but not one clam. I have to admit that I was not really disapointed. It is a whole lot easier to clean a sand dollar than a clam.

Just Connie

Reflexes of a Cat

I have the reflexes of a cat. At least that is what I keep telling myself. My years of gymnastics has blessed me with good balance and endurance. In fact, you might say I take pride in my physical ability.


Recently I got to practice my physical dexterity when I went mushroom hunting with friends. I love being out in the woods, it fills me with a sense of God’s goodness and His infinite creativity. I was having a good time climbing up and down steep canyon walls while searching for Chantrelles. As I searched, I walked across a mossy log on the edge of a precipice looked out over the misty vista and sighed with pleasure. Turning back to the task at hand, I took another step. Just as I was ready to put my foot down, I saw it … there right under my foot was a beautiful golden mushroom. I balanced easily on one foot and called to my mushroom partner.

With glee, I did a half pirouette on the log and bent down to capture my prize …. and that was the moment the log gave way. My “cat like reflexes” and I went tumbling over the edge. Head over heels … over and over and over I went until I finally came to a crashing halt in a pile of brush. As I laid there with my head in the ferns and waited for the world to stop spinning, this Bible verse came to mind:

“First pride, then the crash— the bigger the ego, the harder the fall.” Proverbs 16:18 (The Message)

And people say that God has no sense of humor ….

Family

Family has always been important to me. It is part of what has held me together in the tough times and gives me a sense of love and security through daily life. But I live a couple of hours away from my family and that means that the time I do get to spend with them is especially precious to me.

This week I took a trip to my parents house to be with my children and the rest of the family. It was a very rare treat for me. It meant that I got to see my 2 year old grandson and play with my great nephew and just enjoy the sense of being surrounded by people who know me and love me anyway.

I have to admit I miss having my family around me everyday, but I have been blessed with love and friendship here in Willamina and that fills up a lot of the lonely places for me.

But still .... there is nothing like family.

Just Connie

Christmas Love

It is beginning to look a lot like Christmas at my house. The stockings are hung and Hope Puppy is decked out in her antlers. I have the first of the presents wrapped and cookies are baking in the oven.

Tomorrow I will head to Portland to have Christmas with my son and daughter. I will also get to see my grandson who will be two in just a few weeks. There is nothing like being surrounded by family. It fills my heart with love and fills me with a confidence that the rough patches in life cannot shake.

And really .... isn't Christmas the perfect time to remember that love is what it is all about

Just Connie

Hurts of the Past

There are times that the hurts of the past seem to flood my present. Today was one of those days. It seemed like such a simple conversation, but yet there it was .... the past leaping up and grabbing me by the throat. I sat there and fought tears as I tried to find a graceful way out of the conversation. In the end there was no grace to it, I just sat there and cried.

Most of the time I feel like a competent, confident woman, but when the past intrudes  .... it fills me with insecurities and pain. Unwanted and  unexpected yet there it is.

So what do I do with this stuff that I am feeling? My natural instinct is to pull back and hide, yet experience has taught me that is not healthy or wise. And as much as I would like to wave a magic wand over the hurt and make it go away, I think the only way through it is to feel what I am feeling and take another step forward.

So tonight I am choosing to feel and choosing to believe that there is hope for tomorrow.

Just Connie

Fearless Me

I drug my son up to the attic last night in search of Christmas boxes. It is always a major undertaking because first of all I have no direct access to the attic, just a hole in the ceiling with a panel over it and the fact that I have 20 some boxes of Christmas decorations.

So I carried the ladder in, set it up, pulled myself through the crawl hole in the ceiling and began handing boxes down to my son. Everything went well until I found the dead mouse. I did not know that it was dead when I first saw it, it looked like it was laying in wait for me ... just waiting for me to bend down so it could spring for my jugular vein and wrestle me to the floor. But after running around in circles screaming, "Mouse! Mouse!" it still had not moved. That is when my son came up and pronounced it dead.

Being absolutely fearless in the face of certain doom, I turned to my son and said, "If you love your mother you will dispose of the mouse." So being the big strong brave man that he is, he turned to me and said .... "Uh do you have some pliers or something I can pick it up with?" So I went and got the pliers from his tool bag. (I was not going to let him use mine for that) I got a plastic garbage bag and stood at the foot of the ladder waiting for him to come down and use the bag to dispose of the mouse. About then his head popped through the ceiling and I looked up to see dead mouse dropping from the attic. At that point my body hijacked the rest of me and went screaming to the other end of the house.

By the time my son got down the ladder and came in search of me, I was hiding behind the couch. He looked at me and said, "You moved the bag .... if you had stayed still the mouse would have dropped in the bag." I pulled myself up to every one of my 4 foot 11inches and said, "You dropped a dead mouse on me!" while giving him the kind of look that only a mother can give. He vehemently denied it but went and fished the dead mouse out from where it had fallen and disposed of it in the outside garbage can.

He still insists that he was aiming for the bag, and is sticking with his story. As for me ... I am thinking that at some point I must have dropped him on his head as a baby, because there is nothing in our history as mother and son that should have made him think I would stand there with aplomb while a dead mouse was hurtling towards my head.

I am also thinking ..... that next year I send him up to the attic first.

Just Connie

Family

Family has always been important to me. For me family has been a place to love and be loved unconditionally. As a teen I was not anxious to spread my wings and leave the warmth and safety of my family. family has been a a large part of defining who I am in the world.

About 13 years ago my life took a drastic turn that changed the entire structure of my family. The thing that had given me stability and support was suddenly gone. It thrust me into a whole new life. Unwelcome, but all too real.

I struggled to learn how to live in my new life and little by little I learned to navigate through my new world. Over time my life gained many positive things, but within me was a continual sense of grief over my "aloneness".

These past two weeks with my son has filled a void I had almost forgotten was there. It has been wonderful to have someone else in the house. Yes there are differences and it means that I must share my space, but it is worth it to have family with me once again.

So I am enjoying this time and enjoying my new family. With the realization that this is temporary, comes the realization that I need to cherish these moments. Each of these moments are gift. And I rather think that this gift will enrich my life in ways I cannot even forsee right now.

Just Connie

Thanksgiving Thoughts

It has been years since I have prepared a traditional Thanksgiving meal at my home. For 10 years I was at the Mission serving Thanksgiving to the homeless and needy. Last year I spent with my Aunt and Uncle and their family. It was good to be with them but I still yearned for a family celebration that all my family would be at. I guess in reality I yearned for how it used to be .... in my other life time.

This year with my son at home, we decided to have Thanksgiving at my place for the two of us. Early Thanksgiving morning I began baking and preparing for our meal. In between preparations we watched movies, played Wii games and relaxed. It was a good day together.

But I found even though I enjoyed my time with him there was a lingering sense of sadness for both of us. Life is very different than it was the last time we had a Thanksgiving meal together. Many of those differences represent loss and grief for us.

Each time that sense of sadness intruded I acknowledged the losses that it represented, but I made a conscious choice to not lose sight of the good that we had. I had the chance to spend Thanksgiving with my son and that is something I have not had in many years.

It reminded me of how often the hurts of my past can rob me of the joy of my present. I know that hope in Christ draws us ever forward ... but I have to choose to set my eyes on Him who offers grace and forgiveness.

It is time to look ahead ....

Just Connie

Something

I just found out something that frightens me. I can feel the fear making my heart race, as I think about all the possibilities. I checked all the doors and windows and now I am curled up on the couch with Hope Puppy. As I reflect on this fear that is gripping me several things come to mind.

• Fear is a response that God gave me to help keep me safe.
• Fear can be a catalyst for positive change.
• Fear can be paralyzing.
• Fear can destroy my peace of mind.

Now .... I need to utilize the positives and neutralize the negatives ......

Just Connie

A Man in the House

Over the years of my singleness,  there have been certain things that  have been pretty overwhelming for me on my own. Things like doors that will not open, locks that won't lock, broken moldings, leaky roofs and so on. Every once in a while I will ask for help when something gets in a critical state, but I never really share all the 101 little things that are actually wrong with the house when they come to work on something. I always have this slight feeling of embarrassment that I cannot do this myself. Or perhaps it would be accurate to say that I feel I should be able to do this.

Over the last week, it became evident that I would soon have a house guest. Yesterday my guest arrived .... my 28 year old son and his dog Hennesee. My song Tony has not even been here a full day yet and already there is a huge difference in having a man around the house.

He started by fixing my entry closet that would not open and close. Today he is cleaning out my garage and starting a burn pile. He has already made a list of doors that are warped, paint that is uneven and was happily making a long list of repairs that he can do.

I am discovering that even though it interrupts my daily routine, I really like having someone in the house. I am looking forward to cooking a dinner for someone besides me and having someone to converse with over dinner.

In fact I think I might be able to get used to having a man in the house. This is rather nice ....

Just Connie

Tough Meeting

I was in a really tough meeting today. That is not unusual, as a pastor I am in a lot of meetings and the law of averages say that some of them have to be tough. So today was the day.

Today was tough, people yelled at each other, some walked out and the rest of us dropped our heads and tried to ride it out. I came out of the meeting realizing several things.

I realized that some people have the people skills of a wildebeast. If there was a kind way to say something and an agressive way to say something, agression seemed to always be the winner.

I realized that some people are so wounded that the conflict was a very personal, hurtful experience.

I also realized that it was very different to have conflict when I was not leading the meeting. That meant that I was not the responsible party to reign things in. However I found that I wanted to be.

All in all the meeting made me sad, brought some concerns to the surface and reminded me that a diverse group of people have diverse outlooks and personalities.

Now the trick will be to somehow keep us all friends in the process ...

Just Connie

Hunt For Gold 2011

I spent the afternoon traversing canyons, crawling under and over logs and gazing out over misty vistas. I was hunting ... hunting for elusive gold. The hunt had pulled me out of my office and lured me to remote hills on a rainy November afternoon. Hope puppy was bouncing at my side as searched through moss and ferns for that glint of gold.

We hiked and searched and then .... there it was .... a beautiful golden Chantrelle mushroom. I knelt and pulled my knife out as I softly pulled the moss and pine needles away. It was with great satisfaction that I continued the search.

Four hours later, tired, wet, muddy and satisfied I loaded a very happy Hope Puppy and 6 pounds of fresh mushrooms into my rig.

I really enjoy these treks, it is a lot like a treasure hunt. But even more than the fresh mushrooms, I love being outside. I love the smell of fir trees and damp moss. I love the gentle patter of rain as I see misty vistas that not everyone gets to see.

It is good to have an excuse to be out in the fresh air and the woods that I love .... I wonder what I can hunt after mushrooms are out of season?

Just Connie

Why I Believe

It is Sunday and here is today's sermon.


"Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have." 1 Peter 3:15

Here we are called to be prepared to tell people why we beleive. Here are 11 reasons I believe.
1. Because of creation itself


2. Because of the miracle of life


3. Because of Scripture


4. Because of love


5. Because I have been forgiven.


6. Because I have been changed.


7. Because I have been healed


8. Because of science


9. Because it improves my life


10. Because it improves the lives of those around me


11. Because it’s real.

Because it is real, because God evidences Himself in my heart and in my life …. In the lives of other Christians. Because life is better, sweeter, richer in Christ.

Thought For Today

What we believe should shape our lives,

guide our steps and give hope for tomorrow.

What do you believe?

The New Neighbor

It started out as a very normal morning. I got up, built a fire, got ready for work and then went out in the cold morning mist to wheel the garbage can to the street. The thumping bumping noise rang out in the early morning stillness. The noise and commotion unfortunately startled my new neighbor. It was a neighbor that I did not even realize had moved in.

I learned quickly that it was a really bad idea to startle my new neighbor.The first I knew of the coming disaster was a quick movement in the culvert next to the road. I caught a glimpse of black and white as the stench filled the air. I beat a fast retreat to the house with my eyes and nose streaming in protest. I took inventory of the damage and realized that the skunk ....... had missed me.

Luckily my new neighbor had missed me. I came out of the encounter very well. My garbage can that was actually between the irate skunk and myself ....... not so good.

This gives the term stinky garbage a whole new meaning .....

Just Connie

People Thoughts

I love people. I love their differences and the way they enrich my life. But sometimes ....... every once in a while ..... people drive me crazy!

I should have a deep appreciation for people at every point of difference. But the reality is that sometimes those very differences grate on me. Sometimes I cannot wrap my head around what in the world they are thinking .... or understand the words they are saying. Then there are all the underlying motives and agendas. At times it makes me want to pound my head on my desk.

So tonight I admit that people drive me crazy! Hopefully that will be enough to keep me from pounding my head on my desk.

Just Connie

More Time

There are some days that there are just not enough hours in the day to get it all done. There are some weeks that there are not enough days to get it all done, This week really needs a couple of extra days in it because there is no way I am going to get it all done in just 7 days.

But that is not all that rare of an occurrence for me. It is not all that rare for any pastor. Our days fill up fast. This week has been filled with counseling appointments, meetings, organizing, events, problems and this is only Wednesday.

Tomorrow I will begin with some writing, then meet another community leader to paint some peg boards for the upcoming Art Tour, then meet with a couple of people to plan an agenda for a brand new community ministry, following that is the Pastor Cabinet meeting ..... and following that I will hopefully be trundling to bed.

Yep ... I need more days in the week ...... I wonder though if that would really help.

Just Connie

Halloween 2011

My feet hurt, my head hurts and I am achy tired .... no way past  tired. I am beat ... exhausted. But it has been a great night.

Tonight was Halloween. We have a community event called Trunk or Treat. Area businesses set up around the park and pass out candy. I started my evening there at the park. It was clear and cold and I was bundled up and still cold, cold, cold. We passed out candy to over 500 children in the first hour. We also passed out flyers to let everyone know about the free carnival at the church. But the time we had closed down at the park and headed to the church, the church was wall to wall people.

So for the next couple of hours I ran and laughed and greeted people. I played games and cleaned up messes. Now the event is over. It was a rousing success. Everyone seemed to have a wonderful time. The mess is mostly cleaned up and the day is finished.

Now I just need to find the aspirin ....

Just Connie

Difficult Things

There are things that I find as a pastor are difficult to do. This past week has been a privilege and an honor but also ... so very hard. We had a death in community as I prepared for it I found that it brought my sister's death back to me in very real ways.

I remember all too clearly those first terrible days after my sister died. The mind numbing grief and the disbelief that this terrible thing had really happened. I remember waiting, waiting ... waiting for it to be time to go to her funeral. It seemed that the minutes crawled by. I can remember thinking that nothing should hurt that bad that did not kill you. Though the years has softened the pain, it does not go away.

I find that I still miss her. I miss her sense of humor and her ability to just be who she was. I remember her fierce love of her family and her desire for us to know that she loved us. Remembering her brings me joy, but there is still pain at the loss. There is a hole in our family that nothing else will ever fill.

So this past week as I ministered to another family who is facing the same dreadful loss, I remembered and I grieved for them and all they will face in the days ahead. And yet in the ashes of grief I know that God will plant seeds of hope for a new tomorrow.

And yet ..... it hurts.

Just Connie

Some Days

Some days make you feel like you do something worthwhile as a pastor. Today was one of those days for me. I met with a family about there upcoming memorial service. We laughed and cried and worked to plan the best possible service. As they left I fielded a string of problems and people while polishing up the newsletter. Then I spent about an hour with a counseling client I was not expecting. That was a challenging and wonderful time together. I felt like I actually helped and that was a very good feeling.

I had a quick lunch while I worked on the grant that needed to go out in today's mail. As I finished that up, I printed the final copy of the memorial service and laid out the things for Sunday, It was with a feeling of satisfaction that I packed everything up and headed to the old High School to put in a couple of hours working on the roof.

Later as I drove home tired but satisfied, it dawned on me that much of what I do is not very measurable. That is not a bad thing, it just means that sometimes it is hard to tell that you are making a difference. Today was a reminder that sometimes you can tell ..... you are actually making a positive difference.

That is a feeling .... I could get used to.

Just Connie

Mystery

I struggled into the church with my laptop, briefcase, backpack, purse and stack of materials from my Chamber of Commerce meeting. I stood at my office door trying to get my key in the lock without putting anything down. As the door swung open I looked with disbelief at the door frame. Letting my bags and books drop to the floor I ran my hand over the broken and splintered wood. As I tried to make sense of what I was seeing, someone looked over my shoulder and said, "Hey someone tried to break into your office".


And that was the moment that my day grew a life of its own. Suddenly there were searches that had to be done, facility people to call and police reports to file. Through it all I kept trying to make sense of what had happened. Someone had gained access to the church and sometime between 3:00 yesterday and 9:00 this morning kicked in my office door. They took nothing, caused no other damage. Even the deputy was at a loss to explain what had happened.

Though he did ask me about former employees .... once I stopped giggling I did tell him I did not think the former pastor or the 80 year old former secretary had kicked my door in.

I don't know perhaps I should check on what the former pastor was doing last night .... Nah.....I really would think he would have used his key instead.

Just Connie

The Group

I met with one of my community groups tonight. We had dinner and then went over the progress of our project. Everything is moving ahead and our leaders are very pleased with us.  It was good to know that we were doing a good job and some very positive things have been happening. But the very best thing thing that happened was that people lingered after the meeting and we just sat and talked ... and laughed and laughed and laughed.

I really like these people. We all come from such different walks of life and backgrounds, yet I have come to love our differences and the unique nature of every one of them. I realized as I was driving home that I was still smiling. That is a pretty good feeling.

I realized as I thought about it that tonight is not a rare event for most of my meetings. There is plenty of laughter and love in all of my groups.  I am very grateful for what these groups and these people add into my life. I think things would be pretty empty and lonely without them.

This is a good reminder that I am blessed in such wonderful and unexpected ways.

Just Connie

Mom's Visit Day 4

Here it is .... Just like this sunset, Mom's visit is already  drawing to a close. There just has not been enough time. We had church this morning and then went to lunch with old friends of ours. It was so good to spend time with them. We laughed and teased and laughed some more. They always bless me.

We have relaxed this afternoon and spent it with our computers on our lap and movies on TV. Totally relaxing and just enjoyable. There is a real comfort in having her here. I do not have to entertain her or worry about anything. I can just sit back and enjoy my very rare time with her.

I find that I am not looking forward to her leaving tomorrow. I would like this visit to continue. I guess when you think about it, that is a good thing. But I sure wish that I had more time with her. I rather have a feeling that you never get to old to want your mommy.

At least I hope I don't.

Just Connie

Mom's Visit Day 3

Today started off busy. I had to be at the church early to preach at the regional quiz meet. I enjoyed my time with the kids. I am so thankful for people who minister faithfully to our youth and share the joy of God's Word in such a meaningful way.

I headed home afterwards and spent a couple of hours with mom watching old movies and playing games. Then we headed down to the Willamina Museum and I showed mom the joys of a small town museum and history. It is such a wonderful museum and I love spending time there.

We have spent the rest of the day quietly. Just relaxing and enjoying our time together. No great plans ... just lots of conversation and lots of laughter. Pretty soon I will head to bed and get ready for the normal Sunday frenzy.

I have to say that I wish I had more time with my mother. I love being with her. I love her wit and her humor and her unfailing love and support. How could I not love that?

Just Connie

Mom's Visit Day 2

Day two of my mother's stay is already drawing to a close. We have watched movies, gone shopping, talked and talked and of course laughed and laughed. It has been so good to have her here ... it just does not happen often enough.

Over the next few days I will take the opportunity to relax with my mother and enjoy this very rare time with her. And of course take the opportunity to tease and torment her .... I can never get enough of that.

yes ..... this will be very fun .....

Just Connie

House Guest Like Me

I have a house guest. It is a greatly anticipated guest. My mother has come to spend a few days with me. I do not often get the chance to spend time with her so this is a rare treat. We spent the afternoon balancing her checkbook, watching an old musical and just enjoying being together.

My mother has my quirky humor. She likes to tell people that Grandma's humor skipped a generation but that is just not true, we are a lot alike. So I think I will drag a game out, light a fire and spend some time teasing the woman who gave me life. I rther think I am a lot like her.

It is good to have someone to blame me on ....

Just Connie

An Unlikely Friend

Kevin was an unlikely friend. He was the maintenance man at the Mission where I worked. But over the years I came to love him. He had a mild form of cerebral palsy and had had a stroke a couple of years before I met him. But neither of those things dimmed his cheerfulness and his unexpected wit and humor.

As we got to know each other, I also learned of his unfailing loyalty for those he loved. He tenderly watched out for me, teased me unmercifully and protected me. He encouraged me, worried about me and always helped me. He was a man of character and he added incredible dimensions to my life.

It was six years ago tonight that I pulled into my driveway to find two friends waiting for me. The look on their faces told me that something horrible had happened. Gently they let me know that my friend, my Kevin had a fatal heart attack.

His death impacted me, caused a deep grief that still brings tears to my eyes. But it was his life not his death that changed my life. Everything that he was brought new understanding and new experiences to me. I am very grateful for the years that I knew him.

So tonight I acknowledge an unlikely friend and extraordinary man, Kevin Stephenson ... I miss you Kev.

Just Connie

Roof Work - Day 5

I was back on the roof of the high school today. I spread tar, hauled roofing, screwed boards down and my very favorite ..... hung over the edge to hold boards for nailing. It made me laugh because it was just too  ... well I guess surreal. As I was laying on my stomach hanging over the edge with two of the guys it made me wonder if we looked like little ducklings all in a row.

So now at the end of a long day, I find that I am tired, very sore and sooooo ready to call it a night. It has been a long time since I have done so much heavy work, for so many days in a row. I think this is probably pretty good for me. What doesn't kill me, will make me stronger..... right? Or does it just make me wish it had killed me?

Just Connie

Roof Work - Day 4

I groaned as I struggled out of the car. My aching muscles complained every step  as I headed into the house. Day 4 of the roof project was finished.  For 4 days I have scraped, pounded, hauled, shoveled, and crawled around on my hands and knees. I have pried nails out while balancing two stories above ground. All of it has been ..... wonderful, exhausting and challenging.

This project has the potential to be something very exciting for our community. However it will take all us working together to make it happen. There is a lot of hard work ahead. Not just the physical work of restoration, but the hard work of team work and joint goals and dreams.

I think we can do it. But tonight what I think is .... I need a long hot bath.

Just Connie

Roof Work - Day 3

Today, I woke up tired .... and sore. but the more I moved around the better I felt. So I packed up and headed back to the roofing project. I spent the morning ripping out old nails, hauling debris and running up and down the ladder. And then .... it started to rain.

However the work was there and we carried on. As the day went on I found myself moving slower and slower. As I slowly moved down the roofline pulling old nails out of the eaves I noticed that it was taking longer and longer to get up and down from my knees.

When we finally called it quits for the day, I was down right glad to be heading home. This project is wonderful and I love working with people who have a heart to serve. But my body does not always hold up as well as I would like it to. In fact I think someone traded my body in for a much older model.

I wonder if I can prosecute?

Just Connie

Roof Work Day 2

I spent the day on the roof again today. I started the day sore and tired. I ended the day sore, tired and wet. About 1:00 it began raining and rained on and off all afternoon. The rain made the job which was strenuous and tiring, downright uncomfortable.

There is something about having your leather gloves wet, your feet wet, and wet everywhere else that is just kind of miserable. I cam home about 5:00 to huddle in front of the fire and try to warm up. Of course it was not the easy since I had a string of visitors, phone calls and interruptions that pulled me away from the fire.

But things have finally quieted down. Soon I will head to bed, get a good nights sleep and head back to the roof in the morning. With any luck it will not rain tomorrow.

Hopefully ......

Just Connie

Roof Work

I spent the day on the roof of the old Willamina High School. I have to say that the view is wonderful from there. But I was not there to enjoy the view. I was there as part of a volunteer work crew to replace the leaky roof.

The roof of the high school is an amazing hodge-podge of buildings of different heights, ages and problems. Some parts of the roof feels squishy when you walk on it. They tell me that is not a good thing. So we spent the day peeling old roofing off, the prying the flashings and rotten wood off  as we came across it.

By late afternoon I was tired and my muscles were hurting. By five o clock my wrists and hands were protesting. It was heartening to find out that my fellow workers were also sore and tired. But we had gotten a lot done and tomorrow morning we will be at it once again.

All of this work, is reclaiming our former high school for a community center. That is more than worth a few sore muscles. I am excited for the possibilities this will bring to our commuity and our local agencies.

There are good things ahead.

Just Connie

Women Clergy Group

Tonight I met with a group of women clergy. We were supposed to share our hearts in open and honest evaluation. We were asked this question "What unhealed hurt do you have in regards to your ministry?" As I prayed about that in my quiet time I realized that I did not have any unhealed hurts. I felt almost guilty that I had nothing of substance to share.

I also realized as I thought about it that my experience with the Free Methodists has been very positive. I feel like my gifts have been recognized and I have been offered a place of ministry commensurate with my gifts and skills. I have been given conference wide responsibility and I feel that I am not only tolerated but liked and appreciated by most of my fellow Free Methodist pastors.

I wish that my experience had been the case for all of my fellow women clergy. Many of them have struggled for acceptance and for  a place for meaningful ministry. My heart grieves for their hurts and yet I realize that their sacrifice paved the way for my very positive experience.

I think tonight was a positive step towards healing. I hope that we can keep the conversation going without acrimony and blame. I have a feeling that love will light the path before us if we are brave enough to take it.

Just Connie

A Different Life

15 years ago I lived a different life. I had a husband and family. I was happy in ministry and in my position in the world. Part of that life was a wonderful friendship with another family. We all meshed so well. I loved their children like my own and their extended family became part of my own. When my life blew apart it separated me from these friends that I loved.

Over the years that loss was a heavy grief for me. About a year ago I was able to make contact with these heart friends and then amazingly several months ago I was able to spend some time with them. It was an incredible blessing and I was thankful for the chance to rebuild.

Today I headed to OHSU because one of these friends, Cliff was having open heart surgery. it was hard for me to decide to go. I did not want to intrude, I just wanted to let them know I loved them.  I did not tell them I was coming, I just showed up, All of the extended family that I knew so well, so long ago were there. As I hugged and kissed them it felt like the years peeled back. We talked and laughed and laughed some more.

I drove home tonight with a heart full of love and gratefulness. Something that was so important to me, something that I had long grieved over was restored today. If I had stayed safely home I would not have had this wonderful time. And of course the best blessing was that Cliff came through the surgery very well.

Yes .....Sometimes the things that are the hardest to do are the most worthwhile.

Just Connie

The Gift of Submission; Wives

Today's sermon:

1 Peter 3:1-6


1 Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. 4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 5 For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, 6 like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

The call to submit is primary in the life of any Christian. To submit to God and to submit each other. Here, submission is looked at within the context of a marriage relationship.

Submission Is not:

• Being a Doormat
• Being a Yes person
• Unthinking slavery
• An excuse for abuse

Submission Is:

• Witness of the reality of God
• Proof of the validity of the scriptures
• Inward beauty
• Purity
• Reverence
• Gentlenes
• Quiet spirit

Submission is a gift a wife chooses to give. This gift honors her husband and it glorifies God. Submission is holiness lived out every day and it builds strong marriages.

Thought For Today

Submission is me choosing you … and that is a God thing

Aldersgate Work Day

For the second day in a row I worked with the Men's Ministry group. Today we were working at Aldersgate which is our denomination retreat and camp. My job was splitting wood. Specifically to load the log splitter. I  have some observations after spending the day hauling and splitting logs.

Observation #1
I am waaaaaay out of shape. I was tired after the first 30 minutes. After 6 hours I was the walking dead.

Observation #2
Logs get heavier in the afternoon. I think there is a mathematical scientific fact to prove that the same logs you were tossing around at 10:00 in the morning are twice as heavy at 2:00 in the afternoon.

Observation #3
Hard work, with friends is a lot of fun.

The bottom line is that going and helping at Aldersgate is always a blessing. It is good to be together, good to break out of the routine and good to work hard.

So today I worked hard and  .... it was good.

Just Connie

Insulating Thoughts

I worked with the Men's Ministry group today. That is not unusual I am usually in the midst of any project they have going. Today's project was a little different .... it was for me! The guys decided last year that they were going to insulate my house and today was the day.

I got up at 6:00 and headed into Mac to pick up the materials and the blower. We loaded everything into two pickups and then headed back home to get  started. I have never blown in insulation before. It comes in big bales and goes into a machine that grinds it up and then is blown into the areas needing insulation. That sounds very easy.

The reality turned out to be a little different than that. First of all, the first 10 bales are fairly light. The next 40 get progressively heavier. (I think it is a little known scientific fact) Secondly, when you break up the bales and mix them into the hopper, it creates a cloud of fluff. That "fluff" is a direct attack of Satan on an unsuspecting world. It gets everywhere! Every hair is perfectly frosted and nose and eyes are caked within minutes. I spent almost as much time laughing at my frosted fellow workers as I did in coughing and hacking.

But finally, the last bale went in and we were done. So now my house is insulated and I have some cleanup to do beginning with me and then the house.

I guess I am lucky there were no cameras today.

Just Connie

Some Days Are like This

A day of meetings and running around. Some days are just like this and I try to take them in stride. It started with a church planting committee meeting. It was ... sigh .... often uncomfortable but committee meetings are often like that. Different personalities and sometime differing agendas as well, but the bottom line is that we are all working towards the same purpose and that got us through., so I

From there I need to do a supply run for the church, and then it was back to the church to unload supplies and put some time in at the office. Then I needed to go and pick up dog food for a needy family. Sigh  .... cases of paper ... 50 pound sacks of food ... some days are just like that.

Tonight I had pastor's cabinet. A wonderful group of people who are positive and uplifting and bring a smile to my face. We had a great meeting and I left feeling tired but blessed.

Yep .... some days are just like this.

Just Connie

The Seeds of Change

I spent time with two old friends today. 2 years ago they were an integral part of my life. One of them was my assistant at the Mission. We worked together every day, laughed, cried and shared our lives. The other was the wife of my associate pastor. We worshipped, taught and shepherded the flock together. Now our lives are spread across the country from each other.


As I drove home I reflected on how life changes and moves in directions that we never could have foreseen. Three years ago I was working at the Mission and could not imagine being anywhere else.  I was also pastoring a church in Gladstone and thrilled to be back in the pastorate. I was happy and content with my life.

And yet changes came, some changes I welcomed, but other changes brought me pain and confusion. But in those changes were the seeds of something amazing. A brand new chapter was being written. Perhaps not the one I was expecting, but something new and wonderful.

In those seeds of change are all the potential for the future. It makes me wonder why I so often fight against it.

Just Connie

Thoughts on Friends

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It is another rainy stormy evening in Willamina. I had a great dinner with friends and then slowly drove home through the downpour. As I drove I reflected on how good it is to be with people who bless you. the evening had been full of laughter and sharing and looking ahead. I left feeling good.

Friends are a blessing. They bring us out of ourselves and fill our lives with things we do not have by ourselves. I am very grateful for parishioners and friends who take the time to welcome me into their homes and their lives.

In all it is a reminder that I am blessed. Now if I can just be a blessing in return.

Just Connie
















































































































































































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Dark and Stormy

It is a dark and stormy night. The rain is pelting against the windows and I am curled up in front of the fire enjoying the warmth. Suddenly Fall is here, not so much by the date of the calendar but by the nip in the air and the leaves swirling in the wind and rain.

Hope Puppy is curled up with her head on my lap and there is an old movie playing. I guess that this is about as good as a quiet evening can get. And yet ..... I have to admit that tonight it feels a bit flat. There is a lingering sense of loneliness as I look around this peaceful scene.

This is probably a perfect evening to head to bed with a good book. Yes ... I am thinking that sounds like a good plan. It is hard to feel lonely curled in my nice soft bed with Hope Puppy curled up next to me while lost in the midst of a good story line.

I am thinking sci-fi is the perfect antidote for what ails me.

Just Connie

Marketable Skills

It is Sunday and today's text is found in1 Peter 2:18-25.

18 Slaves, in reverent fear of God submit yourselves to your masters, not only to those who are good and considerate, but also to those who are harsh. 19 For it is commendable if someone bears up under the pain of unjust suffering because they are conscious of God. 20 But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. 21 To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps.



22 “He committed no sin, and no deceit was found in his mouth.”

23 When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. 24 “He himself bore our sins” in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; “by his wounds you have been healed.” 25 For “you were like sheep going astray,” but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls.



Here we are given the attitudes and actions that should be the core of our work skills.  We are told in this passage to:

1.   Submit to our Employers/Leaders


2.   Suffer for Christ’s sake


3.   Let insults roll off


4.   Make no threats


5.   No retaliation

6.   Trust to God who is just.


Christ is our model for life. What kind of employee we are is not determined by how good a boss we have. It is determined by how committed I am to live a Christ like life.

Thought For Today

Submission is the gateway to true service.

Lonely Thoughts

Loneliness is a strange thing. It can come over you at the strangest times. Tonight it hit me as I walked into the house. Hope Puppy was leaping and jumping around me and yet the house felt so very, very empty.

I am learning that living alone means that loneliness is part of my life. It is there in crowded rooms and in still houses. It is there when I roll over in the middle of the night and search for someone who is not there. It is there when I realize that I am avoiding couples based activities.

So the question is ... if loneliness is part of my life what do I do with that? Or perhaps a better question might be .... is loneliness a bad thing? I have a feeling it is a natural outcome of being alone. Loneliness is not the end, it is just part of the process.

But I find that I do not want to remain submerged in this feeling so I am striving to do things that are healthy for me. I am choosing to fill my days with people and projects. I am sleeping with Hope Puppy and hugging her tight during long nights. And I am facing the reality of where I am and that means feeling the feelings that I feel. Tonight .... I am feeling lonely.

Just Connie

Busy Day

I am tired. I headed to Portland first thing this Morning for a pastors meeting. On my way up I got the news that a former parishioner was in the hospital. So I was making phone calls and trying to get info while I was traveling. By the time I got out of the meeting it was time to fly back to Willamina to officiate a wedding. As soon as the wedding wrapped up it was time to get ready for the church board meeting.

Now the meetings are over and I am home. it has been a full day. I have met with other pastors and the superintendent, I have counseled and officiated and chaired a meeting. I am tired. I am so ready to head to bed and to have a slower day tomorrow.

Yep ... bed is sounding better all the time ....

Just Connie

Writing Day 2

A second day spent writing like mad. It often seems to fall like that. I got my column for the paper turned in, the newsletter written and run off, all the board reports run and collated. I went to two meetings and even got the old flowers hauled out of the sanctuary so it is ready for tomorrows wedding. In between I made a bank run, gave out a food box, had a counseling session and wrapped up with dinner with another minister.

Tomorrow I will head to Portland for a Pastors meeting. Then I will rush back to Willamina to officiate a wedding and then chair the Church board meeting. it will be a busy, busy day.

Some weeks seem to run like this, go ... go ... go! It is not a bad thing, but I am always concerned that something will fall through the cracks. There is not much time to sit and think about. But I will keep forging ahead.

But for now I will sit with my feet on the coffee table and enjoy a couple of hours throwing the ball for Hope Puppy and some mindless TV. At this point that sounds very good to me.

Just Connie

Writing Day

I've been writing today. I had a paper to write, a column was due for the newspaper, minutes to prepare from last weeks meetings and a newsletter to finish. So I have been writing and proofing all day. By late afternoon I found myself struggling to find anything worthwhile to write. The words were just not coming.

Sighing I shrugged my stiff shoulders and headed to the piano. For 20 minutes I played and let the music wash over me. Slowly I could feel the tenseness flowing out of me. It was with a feeling of peace that I headed back to my desk and finished up my column.

I did not get everything done today that I had hoped to do, but I got quite a bit done. Tomorrow is another day and I will try to get it all finished up. At least that is the plan.

We will se if the plan lasts longer than the first battle.

Just Connie

Study Day

In my mind my sermon and study day is full of soft music, a stack of reference books and hours of prayer and quiet contemplation. In reality it usually turns out somewhat different than that.

This morning as I began looking up scripture, Hope Puppy lay under my desk chewing on her squeak ball sqeeeeeeek ... sqeeeeeeek .... sqeeeeeeek. Every once in a while she would hopefully drop the wet slimy ball on my lap. By the time I was beginning to tune out the distractions, my volunteer secretary came in with the list of phone messages. Putting those aside I applied myself to the scripture at hand and put some soft music on. That was about the time the first of the drop in visitors began to come by.

As each visitor left I tried to pick up the threads of my study and sermon preparation once again. Little by little between interruptions the sermon began to develop. By the time I left the office, the sermon was done and printed. The sermon outline had been sent to my sound guys for projection and to the secretary for the bulletin.

Somehow my study day is never quite like I think it should be, but yet God manages to speak to me, in the midst of the squeaky ball, the interruptions and the problems. I rather think that the interruptions might be just as important as the quiet contemplation I plan.

How come they don't teach us that in seminary.

Just Connie

Productive Day

I slept in this morning and have spent the rest of the day trying to catch up. Now the roofing debris is picked up, I harvested the garlic and cut wood with the fellas. Now I am sitting in the family room with my feet on the coffee table. Enjoying the evening breeze while I watch Science Fiction movies. The only thing that would make this evening better I if I had company. But this is right next to perfect.

This is a great way to end a busy week. I feel like I have been productive today and that is always a good feeling. I think that it just might be time to get up and pop some popcorn ... yep that would be the perfect end to the evening.

Just Connie

Alumni Dinner

Last night I had dinner with 500 alumni of Roosevelt High School in Portland. I had mixed feelings about going. I am always afraid that I will feel like an outsider, that I will not have people to talk to ... that I will not know anyone. Every reunion event I have gone too that has not been true but still those fears crawl out of the woodwork.

Instead of my fears coming true, I shared a table with good friends and my choir teacher. I had good conversation, felt welcomed and saw some people I had not seen in years. All in all it was a wonderful evening.

It is curious at how hard things like this are to go to alone. My fear of this event almost kept me from attending. It just seemed too hard, too scary and too difficult. I guess this was a reminder that some of the things that are the best for me are actually the ones that are hardest to make myself do.

So one more hard thing tackled and gained from ..... on to the next one.

Just Connie

Rehearsal Thoughts

I like to sing. I have always liked to sing. I sing loud and long and often. But over the past 10 years I have not had much chance to sing choral work. I have missed it but there is just not much opportunity during this phase of my life.

Tonight I met with a group led by my high school choral director. It was an alumni choir made up of graduates of Roosevelt High School. There were all ages there, though at this rehearsal I was one of the youngest. Which is surprising given my advancing age.

I have to say that was rather nervous. Nervous about not knowing anyone and nervous about not singing well. But the rehearsal went very well. There was even a couple of people that went to school during my years and actually remembered me. One of the girls recognized me as soon as I walked in the door and said that I had not changed at all. She did not look blind but I have a feeling her eyesight might be impaired or she was just very kind.

I enjoyed being stretched and challenged tonight. I will really enjoy singing with this group tomorrow. I found out that there will be over 500 people at this dinner. That is rather amazing. All years of classes together. I am not sure what to expect but I have a feeling that it will go pretty well. I loved my high school years and I think I will enjoy supporting the school and seeing a few people that I know.

But that is tomorrow, tonight I am humming the music and enjoying running through it in my mind.

Just Connie

Nervous Thoughts

Busy, busy week. I am playing catch up from my backpacking trip. That means there is a lot to fit in a very short period of time. But my sermon is done for Sunday, my Sunday School lesson is done, I have prepared the minutes for tomorrow's meeting and I have worked through my list of phone calls.

Tomorrow following the Chamber of Commerce meeting I will head to Burlington. I am going to sing at an Alumni function. I am excited and nervous all at the same time. I always have a good time when I force myself to go, to Alumni functions but I am always afraid that I will not know anyone and there will be no one to talk to. This will probably be good for me. .... sigh why is it that the things that are good for us are the hardest things to do?

So tomorrow I will stretch myself.... right now the nervous is outweighing the exctied, STretching is good for me right?

Just Connie

Pastoral Thoughts

I love being a pastor. It is a privilege to share my life's journey with others. But I have to say that sometimes the journey is difficult. Recently I spent time with a parishioner with terminal cancer whose days were getting short on this earth. As I laughed and cried with him we planned his memorial, spoke of his family and he shared the things in life that were truly important to him. It was an incredible privilege to spend those moments with him ... but yet oh so hard.

When the call came in the early morning hours that he had stepped into glory I was glad for his release but oh so sad for me, for his family ... for the church. There is so much we will miss about him. But even in the sadness I recognize that there is so much that he has added to our lives.

Today we celebrated his life. We shared stories, we laughed, we cried and we recognized this incredible man and the life he lived.  I came from that service knowing that we were fortunate to share our lives, honored to have the privilege to minister to the family and sad for the loss that will become even more apparent in the days ahead.

And that loss hurts .....

Just Connie

Aventure

I need adventure in my life. I learned that as a teenager. I was happier when I was incorporating trips into the woods, climbing to the tops of trees and building jumps for my motorcycle. That need for adventure is still there. There is a ringing rightness when I find myself doing something that few people get the opportunity to do.

My recent backpacking trip fulfilled my sense of adventure in a big way. First of all we headed to the back country that not many people get to see. We also had the chance to head off the beaten path and see a beautiful waterfall. it was about 50 feet tall. That is so tall I could not get all of it in one picture.

We climbed to the top of the falls and watched the water plummet over the edge. Then we walked up the river and watched the springs bubbling up in the middle of the stream bed. I was struck by a sense of wonder as I watched the beauty all around me.

We crossed on logs high over rushing streams and climbed sheer rocky precipices and looked out over misty vistas. I swam in an icy lake with the mountain looming over me while Hope puppy swam alongside me.

This trip has fulfilled my need for adventure ... at least for now. I wonder where my next adventure will take me.

Just Connie

Hope Puppy Thoughts

Hope Puppy made a faithful and interesting hiking partner during my backpacking trip. She stayed close to me all the time. Well except on the trip back down when she kept disappearing with Billy. I called her a Benedict Arnold but that did not seem to bother her at all as she ran down the trail with her new friend. But most of the time she was close at hand. I never had to worry about her wandering off or going to explore.

I also had fun teaching her some new skills. She was a champ and learned to cross the rivers on logs and carried a pack filled with all her own supplies.

She went swimming in the lake for the first time. She was having a blast chasing her ball as we splashed in waist deep water, then I headed out to deep water and she got anxious. She kept trying to herd me back to shore. But I would wrap my arms around her and let her take a breather and then launch her towards the shore. She would only stay on shore for a little while until she swam back out to me to try to herd me in a little closer.

I came out of this trip with a deep appreciation for this dog. She works hard, is unfailingly cheerful and is willing to learn new things. I am so thankful for her, but I am also challenged. Challenged to put those qualities I see in her to work in my own life.

Yes .... I think being more like my dog just might be a very good thing.

Just Connie

Backpacking 2011

What a great trip! What a challenging trip. We unloaded, strapped on our packs and headed up the mountain. It was a mostly gentle, steady incline. The sun was hot and I could feel the sweat trickling down my back.



As I climbed I began to feel ... well downright bad. My head hurt, I was nauseous, every step was agony. About halfway up we sat down for a break, and that is when I began throwing up. Now that makes for a pleasant hiking partner. Embarrassed and shaky, they finally had me lay down for a while. I took a short nap curled on my sleeping bag under the trees. I woke up to the forest service rangers checking on me to make sure they did not need to shlep me back down the mountain. Embarrassed but feeling better. I put my pack back on and headed up the trail.

 The views just kept getting better and better the higher I climbed. I tried to keep my mind on the views and not on my aching, miserable body. We crossed streams while balanced on logs high above the rushing water and clambered up rocks. But at long last we saw the lake glinting through the trees. I do not know when I have been so relieved to see the end in sight.

We found a lovely spot right on the lake to set up camp. So over the next couple of days we hiked, swam and enjoyed incredible views that very few people get to see. I also had the joy of watching Hope Puppy learn some new skills. She learned to carry her packs, cross on a log over the stream and to swim in the lake with me.

All in all it was a good trip, even with me getting sick on the way up. Next time I will take it slower and allow myself to acclimate to the altitude. It was a good trip .... and it was a trip that was good for me.

I guess you cannot ask for more than that.

Just Connie

I am in a flurry of packing .... packing and repacking. Tomorrow I leave on my backpacking trip. I am trying to get the weight down on my backpack. I think it would be easier to hire a Sherpa,  bu since that is probably not a possibility, I will keep trying to  reduce this massive pile of stuff.

I have not been backpacking in three years and I am very excited but also a little nervous. I want to be able to keep up, I want this to be fun, I do not want to freeze at night. So the very smart thing I am doing is taking Hope Puppy with me, She will be my portable heating unit at night.

So in just a few hours I will be off to the mountains, but for now I will continue to pack and reduce. Sigh ... wonder if I can find a Sherpa at this short a notice?

Just Connie

Surprise Visitors

I stood with disbelief as I tried to make sense of the face at my door. With shaking hands I opened the door to my former mother-in-law. She lives in Texas and I have not seen here in years. I have not even heard from them in almost a year. But here she was. She and her husband were taking a flying trip through town and decided to stop and see me.

For the next 30 minutes we talked and laughed and cried and then finally approached the subject we had been avoiding. Did we know where Gerrald was? Did we think he was okay? How long since anyone heard from him. With tears I realized that no one has heard from him and we do not know where he is.

I hugged and kissed them and sent them on their way and since then  I have been sitting here with a heavy heart. I am so saddened by Gerrald's choice to drink. I am saddened at the incredible waste of his gifts and abilities. I grieve over his isolation and loneliness and the struggles he must face. And I fear that something will happen to him and we will never know it.

So tonight I feel sad ... sad for Gerrald, sad for me and the losses that his choice to drink brought to my life. Tonight I remember .....

Just Connie

Family Thoughts

I live a couple of hours away from my family. I do not get to see them very often. I love my family. I have a large, intense and gregarious family and extended family. I speak with my mother most days but it is a very special day when I get to actually see them. When I found out my cousin from North Dakota was coming into town, I began to rearrange my schedule so I could see her while she is in Oregon.


So tomorrow I will head to my hometown of Burlington and spend a couple of days with my mom and dad and of course my cousin that I love so much. We will talk and laugh and talk some more. I cannot imagine a better way to spend the next two days.

I can hardly wait .....

Just Connie

Camp Out

I just spent the last weekend camping out. I love being outside it is very restful and restorative to me. It was also the perfect time to double check my equipment for the upcoming backpack trip.

Memorable moments from the camp out:

• Watching Hope Puppy swim
• Good conversation
• Moon dancing in the meadow
• The sunrise over the meadow
• The bats swirling and dipping at dusk

I am glad I went to the exdtra effort to make this happen it was good for me.

Just Connie

Camp Out

I decided to do something to break away from the routine so I am packing up Hope Puppy and heading out to do some camping. I am looking forward to being away from phones and frenetic activity for a while. I am also planning on doing some reading, sleeping and reflecting while I enjoy the quietness of the great outdoors.

I think this will be the perfect time to just  double check that I am well, that my faith is fresh and that I can see clearly the path set before me.

Yes .... this will be a good time for me.

Just Connie

Life in a Minor Key

I have to say that I have been surprised and at times dismayed over the sadness I am feeling over the loss of Charlie my 10 year old sheepdog. It has brought a sadness that seems to permeate my daily life. I told a friend that I feel like I am singing a song in a minor key. There is a dissonance in the chords that is not always easy to listen to.

As I have pondered that statement today, I was reminded that I have often chosen to sing songs in a minor key. There seems to be a reflectiveness or an expression of emotion in the minor that often just seems to fit.

So today I acknowledge that for now the chords of my life are playing in a minor key ... and that is okay. There is beauty in these notes if I am brave enough to listen.

Just Connie

Sadness

I am fighting sadness. I keep trying to hold it at arms length ... but I can feel the long tendrils slipping into my daily life, stripping me of drive, energy and the optimism that usually frames my day. I do not like it, I do not want it here, but yet here it is.

So the question is, what do I do now? I can recognize that I have had a loss, but somehow I think I have the expectation that I will do better, be "more adult", be more together than this. I can even recognize that those expectations  are not healthy, but they seem to keep cropping up.

So I will strive to do what I tell other to do .... I will allow it to be what it is. That means instead of fighting the sadness, I need to fight my false expectations.

I am sad .... and I guess that is an appropriate response to the loss of my companion and friend.

Just Connie

Concert

There was a concert tonight at the church. It was a fundraising concert for the kitchen upgrades for the community kitchen. The music was fabulous. I so enjoyed it! It is rare for me to get to sit and enjoy music. There was an accapella group who did a large part of the concert. They were soooo good.

There is something about great music and good friends that really raises my spirits. It was the perfect way to end a sad and difficult week. I am feeling more at peace and not nearly so tired as I have been. This is a great way to wrap up my Saturday.

Now, I am ready for worship tomorrow.

Just Connie

Thinking ...

I am thinking that I am tired and headachy and have been dragging all week. I know that it is the fall out of losing Charlie. But that has not made it easier. I feel like I am trying to swim through Jello. No drive, no energy and just an overwhelming tiredness, overlaid with sadness.

So I will take tomorrow to rest, reflect and hope that it will help restore me to normal. Normal would be a good thing .....

Just Connie