I remember back when I was new to the Nazarene Church. I went to a pastor's conference and did not know anyone. People were kind when I spoke to them but I was really on the fringes of activity. I remember eating alone and watching the tables full of laughing talking pastors. I felt so left out of the fellowship that seemed to be going on all around me. I remember I drove from the restaurant to my friends house where I poured out my fear and confusion. Fear that I would never fit in and never be accepted. My friend held me while I cried and then hugged me and sent me back. And over the next months I made deep friendships.
These last couple of years I have found myself back in that same place. Feeling those old familiar feelings of not fitting in ... of being left out ... the feelings that come from trying to fit into a new position with new people. It has slowly been getting better. With every Conference, every pastors meetings ... I am getting to know my fellow pastors. Today I met with the local pastors from many different denominations for lunch and fellowship. I really enjoyed my time with them and it dawned on me as I was driving back to the church that I have toughed it out through the hard part.
And it is so worth it. To be accepted, to be valued is a wonderful feeling. There is so much that I can gain from my relationships with them. And I think there are things that I can bring to the table as well.
It reminds me that there are good things ahead if I will just work for it. I need to keep taking one step at a time in the right direction. It is so easy to try to short cut it, avoid it or to give up when it hurts. So I am choosing today to take one more step in the right direction.
Just Connie
1 comment:
Wow. You nailed the emotions right on the head. I can so relate to those feelings of being on the fringe. I am so proud of you - and all the steps you are taking. Love you, my heart friend!
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