Overwhelmed

There are few things in life that I find overwhelming. But I have to say that "car stuff" is one that is completely overwhelming. I do not have the expertise or knowledge to even remotely understand how they work. It is kind of like magic to me. I turn the key and it magically comes alive. Every once in a while I put gas in it and even more infrequently I change the oil, but other than that I expect the car to take car of itself.

But every once in a while my car does not meet those expectations. I love my car but it is a 13 year old Toyota Rav 4 with over 200,000 miles on it. It has been making funny noises and today someone looked at it for me. They hemmed and hawed and finally said ..... "it is old .... it has a lot of miles on it, how about a new one?" I laughed and said oh no ... I need to keep this one going. And then I walked into my office and cried all afternoon.

I have been trying to figure out what distressed me so badly. I think part of it is the realization that I do not have the financial resources to either fix a serious problem or to replace it. I also think that some of it is that I have not had to deal with a serious vehicle problem by myself. It is scary to contemplate. I know I do not have the knowledge to pick out a vehicle or fund one by myself.

I do not want to stay in this fear and I am trying to lay it aside. My mind says that people will lend their knowledge and expertise to me but I can still feel the emotions swirling around those rational thoughts.

So for tonight I am reminding myself that I am not really alone. I have family and friends who love me and actually know things that can help me.

I am not alone ......

Just Connie