Stepping in the Right Direction

By nature and nurture I am a fairly happy and optimistic person. When I find myself in other than that state it is always surprising to me. That does not mean that I do not get sad because I do. Loss and grief touches all of our lives, mine included. But it means there are those time when I feel the weight of something other than an appropriate sadness.

The last few weeks I have been struggling with a lingering heaviness of heart. That is unusual enough that I know I need to pay attention and begin to sort this out.

Some of it I have come to realize has centered around the issue with my car. It is such an overwhelming topic for me that I find tears are often the result as I have waded through the problem of how to get my car fixed. I have finally found a solution and I will be taking the car into the shop at the end of the week for the first of several repairs. That will be a huge weight off my shoulders.

Another thing that has contributed is that I need a vacation. I have only taken a week and a half in the last three years and I need to take several weeks before July rolls around. So I have actually scheduled vacation for the 4th week of May. I am looking forward to some rest and reading and time with my parents. I know that this is a step in the right direction as well. I am hoping to take two consecutive weeks in June as well.

I have also realized that my daughter's upcoming wedding has stirred some issues and hurts up in me. It is not "wrong" or "bad" it just is what it is. I think I will just need to feel the feelings and walk through this. I do not want anything to mar the day for my daughter and her husband. I am very happy for them and I want this to be a wonderful day for them.

I also realize that there are some peripheral issues floating around too. The issue of the stacks of boxes in my living room that have to be gone through. The issue of learning to live with my son and his dog for a while. I love having them, but it is stressful to learn new living patterns that will be okay for both of us.

So I will try to keep chipping away at this. I will choose to keep trying to make positive choices that will help lift the pressure. The interesting thing I am finding that the process of identifying the stressors is almost as painful as the process itself.

But it is still a step in the right direction.

Just Connie