Breathing

I used to take my breathing for granted. You don't even think about telling your body to breathe in ... Breathe out. It just does it automatically. Days like today, remind me that breathing is a wonderful thing and can be an agonizing thing.

My lung function has been dropping and I find myself breathing fast and shallow, just trying to draw air in somehow, someway. It especially frustrates me because with the amount of steroids I am on there should not even be a blip in my breathing. I have no idea what is causing this downturn in my breathing, but I know that my chest hurts and I am struggling to do simple things.

I went to drill tonight at the Fire Station. Typically on Wednesdays we meet together and work on skill development. I went tonight but I sat in a chair and watched. I knew I didn't have it in me to put on 30+ pounds of gear and even walk across the room. Not when I was struggling to breath just sitting in a chair. I find that incredibly frustrating.

After drill I headed to yoga class where I spent most of my time laying of the mat in various positions trying to find a position that I could breathe in. After class my family doctor who is my yoga instructor talked to me about perhaps pushing things too hard, being stubborn and that he had counted my respirations and it was at dangerous levels. He is getting to know me all too well.

So I have instructions to bring my nebulizer to class in the morning and use it before I start. I will try it. I will try anything that keeps me out of the hospital at this point. And perhaps, when I get up in a couple of hours I will be breathing easier.

Praying for it .... So ready for better ...

Just Connie