Alone Thoughts

For the most part I think I have adjusted to life on my own fairly well. But I have found over the past couple of years that I have needed help just keeping up with everyday life. I have a very kind neighbor man who carries in the 40 pound bag of pellets and loads my stove for me when I am sick. I have an incredible woman from the church who has been helping me with floors every week. And I had a group from church and town who came and rescued my flower beds. Lots of people helping and breathing life into me.

At the church, the staff have come around and taken extra office hours, preached often and faithfully pray for me. The congregation has been there right beside me, loving me, encouraging me and praying. The fire department checks on me often, helps with setting my needles and makes sure I am doing well.

Yesterday, I had a conversation with my immunologist about being alone during treatment. I was pleased when he decided that I did not have to have a babysitter through the entire treatment. But he was pleased that there are people checking on me during and after treatment. I also told him that if my mother does not hear from me, she tattles to the fire department. That made him laugh. He said to keep the Epi pen close, as well as my phone and call when I need help, but he thought I would do fine.

When I find that I want someone with me is afternoons like today when I am struggling with miserable side effects from treatment. It is not that I think someone could do anything different than what I am doing ... I just ... Sometimes want the comfort of someone with me. Doesn't really make sense .... But I recognize the desire in me. If I was dangerously sick I would call for input or help as I have in the past. Today was not like that ... It was just sick and miserable.

And I am finding that you are never too old to not want your mommy when you are sick. I was glad for the chance last week to train my mother to place my needles and have my treatment up at their place.

Tomorrow after church I will have treatment with the increased dosage and 3 needles. 2 of my ministerial students are coming to help me place the needles. I really am blessed by incredible friends and support. The reality is that I am never alone.

All of you are just a phone call away ... And Hope Puppy is curled up alongside me right now.

Never alone ....

Just Connie