Ouch

As a pastor, I have found over the years that we are great targets. You cannot please everyone and everyone has an opinion and usually I can let things just roll off without too much pain involved.

But today as I came into service, I knew I was struggling physically. I was very nauseous, struggling with my breathing, but ready to worship and to celebrate. I knew when I was diagnosed that there would be people who would be frightened for me, people who would be sure that they knew what I should do, how much rest I needed, etc. I have also said that when the pastor is sick the church gets twitchy. But the Church for the most part has surprised and blessed me by their love and support.

Today, some of the roosters came home to rest so to speak. I heard that there were those who feel I need to just go home, let someone else pastor and get better. What they do not understand is that first of all I am called to this church and this community. I am not only called of God, that call is recognized and affirmed by my denomination. Secondly, I will not get better if I just go home and rest. It is the opposite of what I need. Spiritually, physically and emotionally I need to answer the call of ministry, I need to push myself and keep moving ahead. Every Dr I have is in full agreement.

I was still processing the information I had been given when I got a complaint about my preaching. That one really surprised me and I have to say was really discouraging. I left the church feeling very alone and very hurt. My brain reminds me that this is a normal part of leadership, but right now my emotions are beating me up.

But the thing I know is that as I pray about it, God will let the truth rise up out of all the other stuff. So tonight I am thinking, praying and let God weigh in on everything. He is big enough for this and I am so very grateful.

Just Connie