Alone

Loneliness is an odd feeling. It is like a wisp of fog. It wraps itself around you at unexpected moments. Sometimes in the midst of people and busyness , sometimes when I am all alone. It almost always assails me as I drive into the garage at night. It strikes me as if fresh and new, there is no pickup in the driveway, there is no one waiting for me inside… I am all alone.

I am seeking to learn how to navigate through this season of aloneness and to not be defeated by it. I am not sure that I always do that very well. My natural tendency is to hide by myself and grieve. But intellectually I know that doing so for very long will not help me and will actually make things worse.

I think that sometimes my heart and my mind are speaking different languages. My heart says, “Alone, empty, all by yourself.” My mind says, “God loves you, God will never leave you, you are not alone.” There is a such a dissonance between them at times.

I need to remember that what I feel is just what I feel. Emotions are not reality. Emotions are just that … emotions. I can feel them, experience them and recognize them for what they are. It is then that I can look for the lesson that God has for me in this moment.