Grandma's Things

Yesterday we went through Grandma’s things. My family is very civilized about it. We draw numbers and everyone takes their turn choosing an item of Grandma’s that is meaningful to them. I was blessed, challenged and grieved. I found it to be a very difficult process.

I was blessed to remember moments with my grandmother and to pick up and touch things that took me back to years gone by. There were things that reminded me of love and laughter and the sheer joy of spending time with her.

I was challenged to try to quantify what I “wanted”. Well what I wanted wasn’t possible and Grandma’s belonging’s were a poor second. And sometimes I just wandered around and touched things unable to force myself to choose,

And then there is the grieved part. There were times that I was just overwhelmed. I worked hard to try stay calm and tear-free so as to not cause my mother, sister or the others pain. But inside I was shrieking. I did not want to be doing this thing. I wanted to fling myself on Grandma’s bed and cry, while I breathed in her scent and wrapped her blankets around me. I wanted everyone else to go away and stop touching her things.

But instead, I took my turn and chose her satin covered pillow and held it to my face and remembered Grandma. I remembered her humor, her determination her independence and her love for all of us. I remembered the many ways that she shaped and changed my life.

29 "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all."
30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Proverbs 31:29-30

I am coming to realize that grief is a fairly selfish emotion. It is all about me and my loss. I really do not think that I want Grandma’s death to be about me. I need to look beyond myself and my loss. (I think I’ve heard me say that before) I want to live a life that reflects Grandma’s faith, her love and her vibrancy. That means I've got a whole lot of living to do and I guess it is time to start.

Just Connie