Living Alone

I had conversation with Gerrald a few days ago and that usually makes me a bit introspective. This time it made me sad as well. He sounded hoarse and when I asked him if he was sick, he told me he had been “poorly”. In the past that was a euphuism for “I’ve been on a week long drunk”. He has changed jobs and seems to be in upheaval. My heart hurt for him and I struggled to find common safe ground to talk about with him. There is a part of me that wishes I didn’t still care so deeply about what happens to him. But I do and I am grieved.

The conversation with my husband reminded me that there are worse things than being alone. I am trying hard to hold onto that. But it has been an uphill battle for me this past week. I do not like living alone. I guess I have always kind of known that. It just has been ringing in my mind today. I hate coming home to an empty house every day. I miss the companionship of a marriage partner. I miss having someone care about my day, care about me, someone to share my life with. It is like a toothache that does not go away.

So here I am. Life is not what I would like, but it is what it is. I am trying to embrace the life I have and not waste my days grieving for I have lost. I do that better some days than others. I want to look ahead. I need to look ahead. I guess it is all a matter of focus.

“He has preserved our lives and kept our feet from slipping” Psalm 66:9

God has never let me down and He will not let me down now. I need to keep living like I believe that.

Just Connie