Steaming Mad

I am steamed and I can’t decide if I angrier at Gerrald or myself. I have been slowly paying off the many bills that Gerrald left me with. Which, is challenging since I am unemployed. One of those bills is a gas card. The card is in my name and Gerrald told me that he would not use it anymore after he left 8 months ago.

Surprise, surprise when I got the monthly bill today from the gas company and there was over $130 of charges from him. When I called the credit card company they alerted me to hundreds of dollars of outstanding charges that have not been billed yet.

I was floored … and I was angry. Angry that he would not follow through and do what he told me he was going to do. Angry, that he would continue to take advantage of me. Angry, that he has continued in a life style that is foreign and completely incomprehensionable to me.

I am also angry at myself. Angry that I believed that he would do what he told me he would do. Angry, that I allowed myself to be taken advantage of again. Angry, that I could have been so stupid.

I also find that I am grieved. How could he care so little about me, how could he care so little about my life to impose these additional financial burdens on me? I do not understand. How can he profess love and care for me and yet act in such a thoughtless and selfish way? This hurts in away that is all too familiar and yet is now fresh and raw again.

I am tired of crying. I am tired of hurting. I am weary to my very heart.

“My face is red with weeping, deep shadows ring my eyes” Job 16:16

Just Connie