I have really been struggling the last couple of days with loneliness. I try hard to keep myself busy and focused, but I still find myself kind of sad around the edges. I think it is probably to be expected as part of the healing process, but I really do not like it. I would love to find a way to completely snap out of this or maybe even bypass it completely. However, as I have said before I think there is value in the process itself. So it is important to not bypass it or short change it. it is what it is and I need to find a way to embrace it, learn and keep moving ahead.
This afternoon I had a respite from the loneliness. I had hitched a ride with a couple from church for the community picnic. We had a nice time together at the picnic and on the way home, we began to stop at garage sales. What fun it was. Besides the fact that I found some wonderful antique kitchen implements and even some depression glass, I just had such a good time with them. They are such fun and it was so nice to just relax and have fun with someone.
It brought home to me, how rare it is for me to “play” with anyone. I used to have all kinds of playmates. I had Gerrald, I had my friends from the Mission, I had people who would go and recreate with me. But, at this point in my life I really do not have any drop in friends. You know friends that you can just drop in on or who would just drop in on you. I have really missed that.
I really do want to develop friends I can be real with, friends I can be comfortable with, friends that will stretch me … friends who will love me. That is a pretty big order. But I want it so much.
I think to make a friend like that I will have to be a friend like that. I will have to work on that.
“Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” John 15:13
Just Connie
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