New Year's Eve

Tonight is the last night of 2010. I always find year end a time of reflection for me. As I look back over this past year, there has been many changes for me. Primarily of course becoming the senior pastor of the Willamina Church. It has been sooooo good to be doing what I know God has called me to do. To be able to really give myself to ministry ... heart and soul.

Another change that has been remarkable have been my house remodel. It is such a wonderful space for me. I love the view and the sense of light and openness. It was worth every penny I sacrificed to do it.

All in all it was an okay year. Much of it was spent in transition. Transition is often uncomfortable but it is a bridge for tomorrow. I am looking with anticipation to what God will bring in 2011. It is a blank page waiting to be written.

Just Connie

Finance Committee

I had a finance committee meeting tonight. It went very well and I think we have good solid numbers to present to the board next week. It was so very different from last year's finance committee.

Last year I had spent weeks trying to make heads or tails of the numbers I had been given. It was a frustrating mess. This year we actually know what our expenses have been and what our income is. We have come a long way in just a year. I thought tonight was a good example of how far we had come.

Now next Thursday we will present the numbers to the Board and be ready for our annual meeting. We still have some wiggle room and I have a couple of areas that I am really praying about. I think we are being faithful stewards and that is a good feeling. I can't imagine how far we will go in the next year. it will be exciting to see where God will lead us.

Just Connie

Flu Bug

I have picked up the flu bug that the rest of the family had at Christmas. Over the last couple of days I have been taking meds and sleeping lots and trying to keep everything on the inside where it belongs .... on the inside. I am on the healing end of it all now .... I think.

I think it is time for more aspirin and sleep. I will write more tomorrow.

Just Connie

Sunday Thoughts

I curled up on the couch in front of the fire this afternoon. I woke up three hours later when the dogs were demanding to to be let out. I felt like I could have slept for much longer. It felt good but is such a lazy way to spend a Sunday afternoon. I should feel guilty but I don't

After church today I had lunch with good friends today. People who knew me from back in my Nazarene days. People who have stood by me when life got hard and have been with me in the joyous times as well. It was so good to be with them and we laughed and laughed and laughed.

It reminded me that I really need to spend more time with  people. I need to play and recreate and do more than just work and be with the dogs. It adds something rich and wonderful to the fabric of my life when I do. I find that tonight I am filled with a feeling of peace and contentment. That is a feeling I would like to hang onto. I am grateful for the gift of friendship and all that it brings to my life.

Just Connie

Christmas

Merry Christmas! It is now Christmas evening and I am sitting in front of a roaring fire reflecting on the day. I woke up early (thanks to my dogs) and went and jumped on mom and dad's bed. Of course they were already awake and I drug the stocking presents in and we opened presents and laughed at the dogs.

Charlie (my sheepdog) having years of experience, knew what to do with her stocking gifts and ripped them open to get the good stuff inside. Hope puppy was pretty confused about why we kept trying to get her to tear open the presents when we always tell her "No, no don't chew". But once she had a ball opened she was useless for anything but chasing the ball. She had a grand Christmas and loved her new balls.

After gifts, I packed up the doggies and headed back home to Willamina. I have to admit to feeling a bit sad. I missed the kids, missed the companionship of married life and hated being alone on Christmas. But as I unpacked the car I decided I was going to just enjoy the day I was given. I unpacked, put on Christmas music and turned on all the tree lights. About the time I was beginning to feel sad again, I had friends stop in to say Merry Christmas. it was a wonderful blessing and really cheered me up.

I ended the day with dinner with friends. I had such a good time with them. Fabulous food and  wonderful friends. The evening was filled with love and laughter. It was a balm to my heart. I am so grateful for their kindness.

All in all Christmas was a good day. I came away from the holiday celebrations knowing I am loved. I also came away knowing that I need to develop new traditions. I need to steer away from trying to make Christmas like it used to be and just let it be what it is. It is not about the trappings and the traditions, it is about the gift of Christ. God wrapped in humanity. That is enough .... for even me.

Just Connie

Pre Christmas Thoughts

I made the trip to my parents today. With the dogs and the presents and all of the baked goods I have been baking this past week.I packed up the car, herded the dogs in the car and headed down to the low lands.  It is always good to see my parents. I love spending time with them and I am glad to be here to lend a hand as all the family comes to their house tomorrow.

I find it amazing how things have changed over the decades. My nieces and nephews are grown and married. My own children have lives of their own. I just never thought it would all happen so quickly. The years have passed too fast. This time of year I find that I have  desire to turn back the clock, to have my children at home and have the family gathering around.

But my life is what it is and I am determined to find the joy right where I am. So I will head to bed tonight and look with anticipation for tomorrow's gathering. It might not be what I wished for or wanted but I am convinced that there is love and joy to be found there.

Just Connie

Feelings

As a pastor, I live my life to serve other people. It is not a hardship I  love to help, it brings a deep joy to me. But every once in a while I find myself asking, "Is it ever about me?" Of course I immediately feel guilty for thinking such thoughts. But the thought still pops up every now and again regardless of how hard I try to beat it down.

Today the thought has popped up again. I find the holidays hard as people are making family plans and excited to be with each other. As hard as I try to make everything okay, my reality saddens me. I miss the companionship of a family. I miss being special to someone. I miss being the hub of family activity and I am tired tonight of being on the outside looking in.

But I realize that these feelings are just that .... feelings. They are not permanent and they point the way to something that I need to pay attention to. Feelings "warn and inform". I am not sure exactly what this sadness is telling me, but I guess it will come clear to me in time. I think it is time to get a good night's sleep and try again tomorrow.

Just Connie

Defining Moments

I had a defining moment today.  Every Christmas Day one of our local restaurants have a free dinner for the homeless and needy in our community. As I was chatting with the restaurant owner today he shared that they had 300 pounds of potatoes and did not know how they were going to get them peeled for the dinner. It was one of those moments  .... you know the moments when everything in you is saying, "You have a full schedule, you have no time ... this is Christmas week." But instead of listening to the ration and reason of my brain, I found myself saying, "I know how to peel potatoes. I can help". So this afternoon I peeled 80 pounds of potatoes in about 2 hours.  That still left 220 pounds left to peel. I am glad there are still 3 more days to go.

I think those "moments" are defining moments for us. Those moments when we can choose "me" or I can choose "you". Christ calls us to serve, in everything we are and everything we do, serve others. Today was a good reminder for me that service is always a good choice.


"This service that you perform is not only supplying the needs of the Lord’s people but is also overflowing in many expressions of thanks to God." 2 Corinthians 9:12

Just Connie

Peaceful Evening

I am sitting here in my family room watching Christmas movies. The lights on the tree are reflecting on the big picture windows and the fire is crackling. There is a feeling of peace in the air. Hope puppy keeps bringing me her ball to throw. Her current ball is basically just a flat piece of material because she has pulled all the stuffing out of it. But she faithfully brings it to me to throw. Every once in a while I even stir myself enough to throw it.

It is good to have a few evenings like this. They seem pretty rare in the midst of all the Christmas activities and meetings. But tonight I am enjoying this to the hilt. I think I will take the dogs and curl up with a good book. I can't think of a better way to end the evening.

Just Connie

Candle Light Service

Tonight was the candlelight service. I walked into the sanctuary and stood in awe ..... it was filled with hundreds of candles. The window sills the steps, everything had candles on it. It was beautiful. As people came in we gave everyone a candle of their own. There was a festive feeling in the air and the people streamed in.

The program began with Christmas songs ... lots and lots of songs, then there was special music. The children sang, some very talented adults and more singing for everyone. Then it was time for the Christmas story. The story was beautifully narrated as Mary and Joseph made their way through the sanctuary with Baby Jesus cradled in their arms.

As I sat there I was struck by a sense of rightness. I was back where I needed to be, doing what God had called me to do. I felt the tears come to my eyes as I savored the moment. I stood and made my way to the front and shared this scripture. 

"When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” John 8:12

I shared, "When we have Christ we are never in the darkness, we bring His light with use where ever we go."  I slowly lit my candle from the Christ candle on the Advent Wreath and walked down the aisle lighting candles as I went. Each person turned and lit the candle of those sitting next to them. Soon the sanctuary glowed with the light of over a hundred more candles.

I came away tonight filled with peace and so grateful for the gifts and talented of the congregation and their willingness to serve. We are points of light shining in the darkness and that is a very good thing.

Just Connie

Open House Thoughts

I have people who love me. I have people who are my friends. I have not always felt that was the case. But today I was reminded that I am rich in the people God has surrounded me with. That is a very good feeling. Today I opened my home to the church and friends to come and see my house and celebrate Christmas with me.

It was so much fun. We ate and we talked and we laughed and then we ate some more. It was wonderful. there was a wonderful mix of ages of babies to the patriarchs and matriarchs. It was so good to see the house filled in every room with talking laughing people.

I am going to try to plan another one in late spring or early summer. I think it is good for me and good for the church as well. Perhaps I will even reclaim some of my back yard by then. Today was such fun it makes me wonder what took me so long to do this? ... Well never the less I am looking forward to the next one.

Just Connie

Church Board Meeting

I had Church Board meeting tonight. For many pastors board meetings are dreaded because of the conflicts and undercurrents in the meetings. I have to say that I really like our board meetings even though we have waded through some really difficult things in the few months I have been there.

This caring group of people have fearlessly faced issues that set many church boards at each others throats. I am very thankful for each of them.

The upshot is that I come away from our Board meetings energized and blessed. That is not only rare for most pastors it is the stuff that pastors dream and long for. I love these people God has sent me. There will be good things ahead for us as we minister side by side.

Just Connie

Bad Night

I had a bad night. It might be more accurate to say we had a bad night last night. Charlie my 10 year old sheepdog paced and whined and shook her head all night. It was the first indication she has given that she is in discomfort. But it was obvious that her head was hurting. And when she shakes those big flappy ears, it sounds like a helicopter taking off. So I knew every time she she did.

I have been so hopeful that the antibiotics had solved whatever was going on with her. Now I am not sure. I guess tonight will tell me whether it was a one night problem or whether we will be taking a trip to the vets tomorrow.

The bottom line is that I do not want her to suffer. If she is in discomfort I will let her go. She has been a faithful partner to me. She has followed me up mountains and down rocky cliffs. She learned to walk on logs over the river and was a warm spot at my back on icy nights. She galloped at my side when I skied and her gentle good nature blessed everyone she came into contact with.

She has been my friend and I do not want to say goodbye. But I might not get a choice about this. I am praying for a different outcome. Tonight will tell me a lot.

Just Connie

The Stupid Thing

I did a stupid thing today. I did not set out to do something stupid but it was stupid non-the-less. I had an afternoon of running errands. Jumping back in the Rav 4 from my last stop, I backed out of my parking spot and "crunch". Looking in disbelief ... it was true..... I had just backed into a van.

There is nothing so humbling as stepping into a crowded office and saying, "Excuse me but I have just backed into someones van." I could feel the angry tears trembling just under the surface. I was able to hold it together long enough to exchange information. But as the other car drove away the tears began. I felt so .... so ... well stupid. I picked up my cell phone and called my insurance company and started the claim.

But as I drove slowly home I kept a running conversation with myself, "I can't believe I did something so stupid" ...  "Stop beating yourself up, it was a mistake" ... "I can't believe I did something so stupid" ... etc, etc .... I the midst of my self condemnation I finally stopped and quieted myself. Taking a deep breath I said, "Lord I am letting it go. It is yours". And every time it has come to mind I am choosing to say the same thing.

I wonder why it is so easy to beat myself up when I make a mistake and why it is so hard to let myself  be less than perfect? I would be the first person to say that I am not perfect, but yet ..... I think I have this underlying expectation of myself that I must be.

So tonight I am letting myself be less than perfect, to acknowledge a failure and to stand straight and confident in that acknowledgement. I guess when you really come right down to it, this was not so much a stupid thing, as it was a life thing. And I guess that living life is okay.

Just Connie

Glad for Joy

I stood in the rain tonight and watched my daughter drive away. I waved as she pulled away and not even the rain could erase the smile off of my face.

As I walked back in the house I thought back over the evening. I had looked with such anticipation on our time together. I had cleaned and cooked and waited eagerly for her arrival. And I was not disappointed. She drove in, looking beautiful and confident. As I ran out to meet her I was flooded with so many memories of her. The tiny baby that was placed in my arms at 5 days old, the gorgeous tow headed toddler running after her brother, the athlete, the teenager ... so many memories of her.

We spent several hours together, talking, opening gifts and just enjoying our time together. She brought a room warming gift for me, a scripture saying for the wall. She even installed it for me. I have so missed our time together. Tonight was a balm to my heart and I am very thankful for it. I am glad for the gift that she is and I so look forward to more time with her this week. I am glad and that is a very good feeling .... I am glad for Joy.

  Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Philippians 4:4

Just Connie

Giving Joy Away

Joy that feeling …. That we try to make into an emotion. But joy is much more than an emotion it is a life style choice and there are things that will help me bring joy not just to me but to others.

1.  Be Where God Is
“Splendor and majesty are before him; strength and joy are in his dwelling place.” 1 Chronicles 16:27

2.  Share Your Victories
“On the twenty-third day of the seventh month he sent the people to their homes, joyful and glad in heart for the good things the LORD had done for David and Solomon and for his people Israel.”
2 Chronicles 7:10


3.  Find Ways to Celebrate
“Then the people of Israel—the priests, the Levites and the rest of the exiles—celebrated the dedication of the house of God with joy.” Ezra 6:16


3.  Find Joy in Where You Are
“The wings of the ostrich flap joyfully, though they cannot compare with the wings and feathers of the stork.” Job 39:13


4.  Live Right
“The precepts of the LORD are right, giving joy to the heart. The commands of the LORD are radiant, giving light to the eyes.” Psalm 19:8


5.  Sing Praise
“My lips will shout for joy when I sing praise to you— I whom you have delivered.” Psalm 71:23


6.  Identify What God is Doing
“The LORD has done great things for us, and we are filled with joy.” Psalm 126:3


7.  Live in Hope
“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” Romans 12:12


8.  Be Spirit Filled
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness”
Galatians 5:22


Joy is a choice we make for ourselves and for the people around us. This world needs joy. We need to infuse our world with God’s joy. But we never will if we do not find it for ourselves. Choose joy, choose to give it away.

Pastor's Dinner

Tonight was the pastor's Christmas Dinner. I always enjoy it and enjoy the chance to talk with the other pastors. But I have to admit to a bit of sadness that it is yet one more event that I am doing on my own. There are not many people who come to this by themselves. I am not the only one but we are definitely a minority.

But I am trying to focus on what is good and not on what I miss. So  I will appreciate the chance to spend time with the other pastors. I will also look forward to getting to know them better in the days ahead.

Just Connie

In The Moment

I am sitting here in the dark with the Christmas lights sparkling around me. The tree is finished and looks good. It looks different than any of my trees from the past and I think that is a good thing. The Mexican nativity set is lit with clear lights and there are two greenery arrangements with multi colored lights. The room radiates joy and peace. It is a very good place to be.

I forgot that one of the things I always used to love about Christmas was the quiet moments spent just enjoying the beauty of the moment. This is a moment worth the time. It is a moment that is worth the week long flurry of decorating and hauling things from the attic. It is worth the work and it is worth the emotions that it has engendered this year.

I guess it is a good reminder that good things are worth working for. I am glad for these moments.

Just Connie

The Tree

Minutes after I posted last night I had an instant message offering to come and help me put up my Christmas Tree. I just about began crying all over again. I was so relieved. In the midst of my total discouragement came help and unexpected hope.

Tonight the calvary came in the form of a family from my church.  In minutes they had the tree standing upright and in the stand. It was completely amazing. Then we had a lovely evening together talking and enjoying each other.

After they left I put the lights on the tree and began decorating. This is what it looks like so far. Tomorrow I will finish it up. Right now I have all the lights off and I am sitting here enjoying the lights and beauty of the evening. I have really missed the glow of Christmas lights and the smell of fresh evergreens.

Last night I had a tree laying on it's side in the middle of the room. Tonight with a little help I have beauty and peace. I guess I will have to learn what I can do by myself and what I cannot. Perhaps next year I will have a tree decorating party. I guess it is another painful lesson learned. Hopefully I will remember this next year.

Just Connie

The Tree

I am so FRUSTRATED! I feel like stomping, crying angry ... kind of frustrated. I have been working very hard to stay on top of things this Christmas. I am decorating, shopping, planning get-togethers ... really doing my best to rebuild a new life. Tonight I tried to put the Christmas tree in the stand. it would not fit. I hacked and hacked until I finally got it in, but was totally unable to make it stand up. I worked and worked on it and finally sat there and cried in frustration.

I hate being alone, I hate trying to make things work that are impossible. I hate pretending that it is all okay. This is not okay. It is not okay to be trying to do Christmas by myself. It is not okay ... it just is not.

I keep telling myself that I have to make it work. I have to find a way to make the tree fit and stand up. I have no choice. I am by myself and I have to adjust. I have to learn how to do these things, I have to learn to cope with it.

But in honesty, I am whipped. The tree has won ..... unless I decide to decorate it laying on it's side?

Just Connie

Light Parade

Last night was the Willamina Light parade. We had worked hard on the float all day long. We untangled lights, tested and then hung and wired until everything was covered. We hooked in the inverter and fired it all  up... it looked great if I do say so myself.

Before I knew it, it was time to grab Charlie my parade hound of a sheepdog and head to the staging area. I put Charlie in her lighted tutu and Santa hat and we wandered around and looked at all the amazing floats.
And then ... it was time the parade was beginning we were off and running. Literally ... running. I had trouble keeping up with the float for the first quarter mile. I finally caught up and smacked the side of the truck and gasped to the driver to "slow down". It was about that time that the float lights went out. Luckily we had an extra rider who could walk along and keep resetting the inverter. That happened about every two minutes.

The parade was over all too soon. I stood there in the dark surround by all the floats, laughing people and glittering lights and was so warmed by the experience. It was a wonderful feeling.

There is something powerful about living in a small town ... about the connection we have with each other. I think it comes of the knowledge that we need each other. To be known and valued is a wonderful thing. I am so glad to be living here. God knew what He was doing when He brought me here. I think there are good things ahead.

Just Connie

The Stuffed Monkey

Hope puppy has a passion for balls. Her perfect day would entail chasing the ball over and over and over again. If no one will throw it, she will even throw it herself. During her short rest times she likes to sit there and chew on her ball. Her balls do not last very long. They have a tendency to fall to pieces very quickly. The only other toy she has is her stuffed monkey.

Her stuffed monkey has no stuffing left in it and is basically just a flat tattered piece of material. But she loves it. When all her balls are gone, she always turns to her monkey. Today she has been carrying her monkey around in the hopes that I would throw it for her.

When I look at the monkey it makes me smile. She loves that monkey unconditionally. As it has lost body parts and stuffing, it has made no difference to her. I think that is the way all of us are called to love. Lavishly and unconditionally, just the way God loves us.

In fact there are days that I feel an awful lot like that monkey ..... it is a good thing I am loved.

Just Connie

Christmas Decorating

Yesterday the neighbor boys came and helped me take all the Christmas decorations out of the attic. That means today I began to unpack and sort things. I had not touched any of the Christmas things since Gerrald left two years ago. But I knew that it was time to sort  it and put some things away.

I did fairly well though I really drug my feet about getting started. I began to take out tree decorations and things were pretty good, until I got to the angel for the front room tree. I had a sudden flash back to the day Gerrald and I had found the angel. It was in the basement of the Mission in a pile of trash and throw aways.I can remember carefully cleaning it and how much fun we had decorating our tree together that first year. I looked at the angel in my hand and began to cry. I cried for the senseless loss of our marriage and the loneliness that frames my life now.

In time the tears stopped. I stood up, put the angel on the tree and went on to the next task. I think that sometimes all you can do is take one more step forward. I guess that this was just one more step.

Just Connie

Charlie Update

I have been tenderly caring for Charlie my sheepdog. I have mopped up blood and laundered bedding and tried to not have my house looking like an axe murderer has been at work there. One of the things I decided to do at the vet's office was to put her on large doses of antibiotics in case there was an underlying infection. In fact two different types of antibiotics. I also opted for doses of vitamin K which is supposed to help her blood clot so she does not bleed as much.

Yesterday, she only had one small nose bleed and today she has had none. I am trying hard to not get my hopes up. I realize that it could be the meds are doing what they are supposed to and clearing the symptoms but not the real problem. I also realize that it could be part of the normal ebb and flow of the tumor and might not bleed for a while. But I also realize that it could be a miracle and she might be healed.

So today I am encouraged. I have been able to clean up some of the blood and have been so blessed at perky Charlie seems. She has run and played and seems to be so well it is hard to imagine that there is something horrible growing in her head.

So I think I will keep enjoying every day I am given with her and keep praying for a miracle.

Just Connie

Charlie

I looked with disbelief at the blood on my hands. Grabbing my Charlie my 10 year old sheepdog by her hair, I pulled her closer and saw the blood streaming out of her nose. In that moment .... I knew. My heart plummeted as I realized what that probably meant. I grabbed towels and pulled a comforter over my bed and spent the night trying to clean up the sporadic bleeds she was having. As soon as the vet was open I was there, only to get the news I was expecting. It was probably a tumor and there was not much that could be done at her age.

I staggered out of the vet's office and somehow made it home. I wrapped my arms around her wept. The reality was that this dog who has so enriched my life for the last 10 years was dying and there was nothing that I could do to stop it.

I remember the wiggly fur ball she was when I brought her home. And somehow she grew into the immense giant of a dog. I also remember her adolescence .... she didn't chew shoes, she ate the deck and the side of the house. But eventually she outgrew those habits and turned into this wonderful gentle giant. A dog that I could leave with my 100 year old grand mother and not worry about her bumping her or startling her.This is a dog that loves to spend her days on the couch and loves to hike with me. She  follows me across logs and up mountains and will do anything that I ask her to do. She is fearless as we explore the Northwest together.

The one thing that I have never been able to break her of, was her distressing habit of digging .... no, a better word is excavating. She would move yards and yards of dirt. She loved it. And this past summer I discovered that she had dug under the house and had to pour 5 sacks of concrete back under the foundation to stabilize everything.

These last two years she has slowed down and I do not take her on long hikes anymore, but she is still happy and active and her joints do not seem to bother her. But this silent killer growing in her head will take her from me. I am so grieved that it is hard to even find words to express it.

So I will try to enjoy the days I have left with her. I do not want the fear of her approaching death to rob  me of the joy of being with her now. She has truly been a gift and I am very thankful for her.

Just Connie

Thanksgiving Day

Today was Thanksgiving. I spent a quiet morning doing some housework and then headed off to Lake Oswego to spend the day with my Aunt and Uncle and their family. It was good to see everyone. I seldom have the chance to sit and talk and spend much time with them. So it was very good to have some time with them.

There was lots of laughter, lots of conversation and good food to top it all off. As much as I enjoyed being with them I have to admit a lingering feeling of sadness today. I miss the days of having the family gather round and days spent cooking and preparing.

But regardless, today was good and I am thankful for so many things. And that is what Thanksgiving is really about.

Just Connie

Attitude

Pastors never have bad attitudes ..... yeah right! I had something happen this week that I have not been able to shake. I find that I am feeling taken advantage of ... shortchanged and I do not like it. And today I noticed that all those feelings have festered into one very bad attitude.

Other people probably did not  notice it, but it was there. I could feel it welling up in me and lurking around the edges of every conversation. I could feel the anger rising at unexpected moments. yes ...... there it was .... attitude and all of it bad.

You would think that being a pastor and all that it would be very easy to get rid of a bad attitude. But you have to be willing to let it go. And sometimes that is pretty difficult to do.

So tonight, I am choosing to let go of my bad attitude. I am letting go of my right to be angry and my sense of ill use. I am laying it down and I will do my best to not pick it back up. Goodbye bad attitude. I do not think I will miss it.

Just Connie

Snow Day

It is snowing! It is also bitterly cold ... about 18 degrees. I have the pellet stove going full bore trying to keep up, but it is still rather cool in the house for the most part.

Since the hill was a solid sheet of ice I worked at home today. I have been writing and doing some organization around the house today. Things that were really past due to get done.Things were going pretty smoothly until the Internet crashed. That was just downright painful.

So tonight I am bundled up in a blanket in front of the fire getting my Internet tasks caught up on. It is lightly snowing and the fire lights the room with a soft glow. I think I could use a few more nights like this. This is nice.

Just Connie

Reminder

I had a reminder tonight. It was not a reminder that I wanted and it probably was not a reminder that was intended ... but it came through loud and clear to me.

I got some news that was unwelcome and it hit me hard as I realized .... there was no one to speak for me. I was standing alone. There was no one at my back, no one to advocate for me. There was no one to protect me. There was no one who had my best interest at heart. It felt like someone punched me in the stomach and I felt my eyes tear up as I stood there.

These reminders really shake me. They sap me of drive and energy and fill me with a sense of sadness. I work hard to try to shake it off and to see it in the right perspective. But I have to admit that tonight it hurts.

But it is what it is and I need to learn to come to terms with it. So I will get a good night's sleep and wake to fight it better tomorrow.

Just Connie

Three Causes of Thankfulness

Thanksgiving Day is around the corner. Thankfulness should just be pouring out of us and yet so often we struggle to find the feelings of thankfulness in our heart and lives. The busyness of life, the obstacles and heartaches we face so often rob us of those very things we search for.

Here are three things which increase thankfulness in myself and for the people around me.
Grace
"All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God." 2 Corinthians 4:15

God's grace reconciling us and puring through our heart and lives ... the very act of receiving grace brings thankfulness. If I am struggling to feel thankfulness than I need to experience fully God's grace and express God's grace and thankfulness will flow.


Generosity
"You will be enriched in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God." 2 Corinthians 9:11


Generosity  is built into our nature through our relationship with Christ. We are created for it and our world is created for us to be generous in thought and deed. It is not just the issue of our finances, it is the issue of our time and our talents. It is being generous with everything we have and everything we are. the result of that generosity is thankfulness. But generous and thankfulness will come.
Service
"This service that you perform is not only supplying the needs of the Lord’s people but is also overflowing in many expressions of thanks to God." 2 Corinthians 9:12


When we serve it changes us and it changes the people around us. Service is a life changing choice and it meets the needs of a hurting world. When I make the choice for service I will bring thanksgiving to everyone that I come into contact with.
If you are finding it hard to give thanks, try developing these three things in your life. Grace, Generosity and Service. Scripture tells us to "give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:18.

Thanksgiving is what we are created for and it is God;s call on our lives. it is time to be thankful.

Just Connie

Christmas Spirit

They are forecasting snow in the next 24 hours and so I decided that it was time to get in the Christmas spirit. Since it was a bit early to pull out the Christmas decorations, I did the next best thing and put Bubba Bunny in his Christmas finery.

He was a pretty good sport and I have to admit

that it made me smile. He posed for a few minutes before he was done and off to other things.

It got me to thinking how those few minutes of silliness really lifted my spirits. I think perhaps there is value in allowing yourself to be silly once in a while. Value in choosing to smile and looking for joy in unexpected moments.

Come on ... admit it .... doesn't that picture make you smile?

Just Connie

Busy Day

Today has been a whirl wind of activity. It began with my volunteer reading time up at the grade school and from there I jumped in the car and headed to Salem. I got my flu shot and headed to the Conference Office to meet with the Superintendent. I am so fortunate to have such a wonderful boss. He is a godly man who has consistently supported and encouraged me. He is such an asset to all of us and I am very thankful for him.

After my meeting I met a good friend for lunch. The time flew by and it was so good to spend a few moments with her. I kissed her goodbye and then headed out to try to complete my long list of errands. I picked up items for the basket that will be auctioned off Sunday night, I found the last of the things i needed for the "Shoebox gifts" for Operation Christmas Child, I found battery operated lights for the light parade, I went to United grocers and picked up supplies for the church ... and the list just goes on.

I made it home just in time to eat something quickly and then head to the church for the board meeting. Now it is 10:00pm and I am ready to call it a night. "It's a night!".

Just Connie

Wedensday Thoughts

Busy day today. it began with a chamber of commerce meeting. Well that is not quite true, it began with me waking up with a charlie horse shrieking about 5:00. But after that there was the Chamber meeting and then it was back to the church to prepare for tomorrow's board meeting and do  a 101 small tasks. I worked steady and then headed to the gym in the afternoon to have my session with the personal trainer. 

The session with the trainer was informative and encouraged me to make positive choices in my eating and exercise habits. I ended up with a a short cardio workout that reminded met hat I have gotten out of shape. But I feel that I am headed in the right direction.

From there I ran home to get something to eat and prepare for the School of Prayer meeting. That all went very well and it was a blessing to have my boss the Conference Superintendent teaching on prayer tonight. Now I am home and winding up a long day and getting ready for tomorrow. Tomorrow is coming fast.

Just Connie

   

Sermon Day

Today is my study and sermon day. Can you picture the soft music, quiet prayer and contemplation? That is always how my study day plays out in my mind. My first clue today that it was not going to be like that was the 4th phone call. One of which was a counseling call and was a lengthy problem to unwind. About the time I got focused back on the scripture passage for Sunday the drop in visitors began to arrive. In pairs and groups and singles they kept coming. Problems, hellos, information ... they came all day long.

The amazing thing to me is that at the end of the day, the sermon was wrapped up, the closing song chosen and a myriad of other issues dealt with and put away as well. In spite of the interruptions or the way my day had been planned, ministry happened.

I think it was a good reminder for me that ministry is found more in the people moments than then quiet contemplative moments. In spite of me ... ministry happens.

Just Connie

Thankful for Who You Are

What better time to take a look at what Scripture has to say about Thankfulness than as we approach Thanksgiving. Today we are going to take at look at Thankfulness in Psalms. Focusing especially on thankfulness for who God is. Here are some thing that the Psalmist tells us to be thankful for.
Salvation
"I will give you thanks, for you answered me; you have become my salvation." Psalm 118:21


God’s Righteousness
"I will give thanks to the LORD because of his righteousness; I will sing the praises of the name of the LORD Most High." Psalm 7:17


God’s Goodness
"Praise the LORD. Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever." Psalm 106:1


God’s Love
"Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever." Psalm 107:1


God’s Works
"Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for mankind" Psalm 107:8


God’s Glory
"Save us, LORD our God, and gather us from the nations, that we may give thanks to your holy name and glory in your praise." Psalm 106:47


God’s Name
"I will praise God’s name in song and glorify him with thanksgiving." Psalm 69:30


Joy
"A psalm. For giving grateful praise. Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth." Psalm 100:1


We are called to live lives of thankfulness.
"rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness." Colossians 2:7


Knowing who God is increases our understanding of how he blesses our lives. What better way to celebrate Thanksgiving than with a grateful heart acknowledging God in all of His wonder and power. Let thankfulness become a part of us.

Just Connie

Gymboree

Over the last year my activity level has slowly changed. I used to walk two miles every morning ... that stopped when I left the Mission. As my activity level changed ... so did my weight. I found myself looking with surprise at the numbers on my scale one morning and realizing that it was past time for me to do something about it.

So I bit the bullet and joined with two friends and joined a gym today. The gym is only 5 minutes away from the house which will give me a lot of flexibility in finding in some work out time. I am supposed to meet with a personal trainer this week and get a work out routine laid out.

So this is my commitment to eating well and moving lots. I have a feeling there is lots of hard work ahead. Sigh .....

Just Connie

Friday Thoughts

Busy day today. I headed to the church early because it was the first day of the Coastal Hills Art Tour. Local artists and art guilds display all throughout the town. It is a great event and everyone in town is part of the festivities. At our church we were selling soup and breads and had local crafters selling their crafts.

I spent some time going around to the different artists to get a feel for it. It was  very interesting to me to see the scope of the artists that were displayed. There were potters, painters photographers, jewelers, wood carvers, quilters and so much more. I really enjoyed it.

So tomorrow we have one more day of Art Tour. I am hoping to get around to the artists I did not have time to see today. We will see, there is plenty of work at the church and I am hoping to go and sign up for a gym membership. That should be plenty to keep me busy.

Just Connie.

Birthday Wishes

Today is my daughter's birthday. 25 years ago another woman gave birth to a gorgeous baby girl. In love and compassion she placed that baby girl for adoption. 5 days later Joy came home with me. Her arrival brought so much into my life. I am very grateful that she was entrusted to me.

As I think about her birthday today it has made me reflect on what I wish for her. So here is my list of 25 birthday wishes for my Joy. (not necessarily in order of importance)

1.  Confidence that will sustain you
2.  Education that will teach you
3.  Purpose that will fulfill you
4.  A job that will let you work hard
5.  A partner to love you
6.  For an unbroken heart, that love will never betray you
7.  A life of  faith to bring hope to your days
8.  A home that is a sanctuary
9.  The desire and ability to dance
10. Laughter to brighten your life
11. Hobbies to bring interest and fullness
12. Family to be protection and support
13. A place to belong
14. Furry friends to give you unconditional love
15. Good Books
16. Good games to remind you to play
17. Friends to love you
18. The urge to pray, to remind you that God is near
19. Nature to bless your heart
20. Good health
21. Vision for the future
22. The knowledge that you are loved
23. An understanding of who you are in Christ
24. Hope that tomorrow will come
25. A Church family to encourage you

Happy Birthday Joy, I love you,

Just Connie, your mom

Into the Light

I sat there in the midst of my colleagues and looked at my hands. The conversation had turned to domestic abuse. I could feel the panic start to grip me as I listened. Then one of my fellow pastors said, " I do not understand what would cause a woman to stay in an an abusive relationship. Is her self image so damaged that she cannot leave?"

I quietly cleared my throat and said, "The steps to abuse are very small and you are there before you know it." The room quieted as they turned and looked at me. I sat up straight and said, "My husband was a wonderful man when he was not drinking. But when he was drinking he was ... well not so wonderful. It was a very gradual and confusing road that I walked with him. And one day I looked at where I was and was stunned. I could not believe that I was one of those women."

There was dead silence in the room and I know that it deeply shocked my colleagues that I had been an abused wife. The conversation gradually went on to other things. But I have pondered it since it happened. I am surprised at my initial panic. I was filled with fear that they might realize I had been abused. The fear of judgement and rejection and shame. That kind of secret does no one any good. I am very glad that I drug the secret out into the light.

I hope that I will have other opportunities to share my experience. I think that it will bring healing to my heart and perhaps broaden my own understanding. I also hope and pray that I do not get caught up in the shame and secret that gripped me for so many years. it is good to walk in the light and I am glad that God prompted me today.

"You, LORD, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light." Psalm 18:28


Just Connie

Tuesday Thoughts

I am wrapping up yet another day. I had a productive day at the office and finished up some desk work, my sermon, my Sunday School lesson and some other odds and ends. I even had the chance to meet with several people.

Through it all, Hope puppy was bouncing around. I usually take her with me to the office on Monday's and Tuesdays. One of her special friends gave her a squeaky ball. She has been in heaven. The whole time I was working on my sermon she was laying at my feet going squeeee-eeek, squeeee-eeek... squeeee-eeek squeeee-eeek. Whenever someone came into the office they would make her supremely happy by throwing the ball. She has learned that she can bolt the length of the sanctuary and catch the ball in the air if she is fast enough. She brings a smile to my face as I watch the joy she takes in her games.

I want that  kind of joy and enthusiasm in my own life. I think it would do me well to take a lesson from Hope puppy. I am not sure I have it in me to chase the ball though.....

Just Connie

Emotions

Sometimes my emotions run in places I do not want them to go. I try to herd them down acceptable paths, but  they break through in unexpected places. It was like that for me today as I was talking to my daughter.

My daughter is a wonderful young woman and I am very proud of her. She has built her life and done it on her own. I have really missed her since she has moved to Washington with her boyfriend. Everything was going fine as we chatted about Thanksgiving, her life and upcoming Christmas plans. But as we talked, suddenly I was struck by a flood of loneliness. Tears ran down my face as I tried to choke off the tide of sorrow that gripped me. I fought to keep my voice steady, but I suspicion that my daughter heard my tears. But we both pretended they were not there.

So tonight I am fighting to find my equilibrium again. I am determined to chase this sense of loneliness back into acceptable paths. I cannot change my reality and I will find contentment right where I am. I will ... I will ... I will!

Just Connie

Peace and Grace

Sunday is here and so is today's sermon. The text can be found in Galatians 6:11-18"


11 See what large letters I use as I write to you with my own hand!


12 Those who want to impress people by means of the flesh are trying to compel you to be circumcised. The only reason they do this is to avoid being persecuted for the cross of Christ. 13 Not even those who are circumcised keep the law, yet they want you to be circumcised that they may boast about your circumcision in the flesh. 14 May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world. 15 Neither circumcision nor uncircumcision means anything; what counts is the new creation. 16 Peace and mercy to all who follow this rule—to the Israel of God.


17 From now on, let no one cause me trouble, for I bear on my body the marks of Jesus.


18 The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit, brothers and sisters. Amen.

This passage reminds us that nothing has meaning but Christ.
" Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!"
2 Corinthians 5:17
Everything we are is determined by our relationship with Christ.There are two things that Paul mentions int his passage that are important for us. The peace of God and grace.

We are new creations in Christ and the outcome of this is peace and grace
Peace
"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7


Peace is a state of mind not the absence of problems

1.  Peace is Knowing God
2.  Experiencing God
3.  Expecting God

Grace
"so also grace might reign through righteousness to bring eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord." Romans 5:21


1,  Grace for forgiveness
2.  Grace for relationships
3.  Grace to live in freedom
4.  Grace to be who we are in Christ

 It is not about the rules, it is not about the things I think I do well. It is about being in Christ. … peace & grace are the outcomes.

Just Connie

Christmas Plans

I worked on Christmas today. I met with a couple of others for lunch and we began planning the Christmas Candle light service. It was exciting to see the creativity at work as we planned. We looked at specials and dramas and all of the possibilities for this year. There was plenty of laughter to guide us along.

In the end we had the bare bones of an evening of beauty and celebration that will involve much of the congregation in different ways. It is filling me with anticipation for Christmas. And that has not always been the case for me in this past few years.

Today was the first step towards Christmas and I think that is a very good thing.

Just Connie

Thanksgiving Thoughts

Thanksgiving is coming, I have been eagerly awaiting my first family Thanksgiving in 12 years. MY years at the rescue Mission brought a commitment to serving the homeless on Thanksgiving which took me away from the family celebrations for 10 years. Last year my expectation for a family Thanksgiving were crushed with my father's head injury. I spent last Thanksgiving at the hospital with my mother eating turkey from the hospital cafeteria.

This year I have been busily anticipating being with my family for Thanksgiving .... only to find out this morning that the men will be gone Elk hunting and my sister and mother are going to have some friends over to my sisters ... there is no family celebration this year .... I will be on my own.

I have to admit that I am saddened. But I am trying hard to not get stuck on sad. I am going to celebrate real Thanksgiving and not just on one day but everyday.


"rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness." Colossians 2:7


Next year .... the family celebration.

Just Connie

Don't Give Up

I was so excited at our Halloween carnival that I did not post my sermon on Sunday. So here it is ... several days late, but in it's entirety.

The text is found in Galatians 6:7-10


7Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. 8The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. 9Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. 10Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers.
 
This whole passage is to keep us looking up, focusing ahead. There are 12 steps found in this passage to help us to just keep going.

1. Be filled with the Spirit (the fruit of the Spirit; Chapter 5)

2. Don’t be fooled (deceived vs 7 do not be deceived)

3. Remember you can’t fool God (vs 7; God cannot be mocked)

4. Sow destruction and reap death (vs 7; a man reaps what he sows)

5. Sow life and gain eternity (vs 8 reap eternal life)

6. Live in the Spirit (vs 8 sows to please the Spirit)

7. Wait for the Proper time (vs 8 at the proper time)

8. Know that there will be a harvest (vs 9 we will reap a harvest)

9. Do good (vs 10,do good to all people)

10. Do good to believers (vs 20; especially to the believers)

11. Look for opportunity (vs 10; as we have opportunity)

12. Do not grow weary (vs 9, not become weary)

 Don’t give up, it is our corporate cry .... God calls us ever forward. We need each other to give strength and courage, we need each other to be who God created us to be. Together we can forge ahead into a brand new tomorrow.

Just Connie

The Hunt For Gold Continues

I shivered as the water ran down my back.  I took hold of a branch and braced myself as I clambered over the log. Sliding down the back side of the log I could see the countryside spread out before me. I leaned back against the log and took in the view through the driving rain.  The tall pine trees were whipping back and forth in the wind gusts. The mist laying on the hills did not obscure the bright colors of the maples and birches. There was beauty in the storm around me and my heart sang as I took in the view.

I pushed my wet hair back from my face and continued down the canyon. Blinking the rain out of my eyes I saw the peek of gold through the heavy moss. Kneeling, I brushed back the moss and fallen leaves as I pulled out my knife. I carefully uncovered my find. There it was, in all of it's glory ....a gorgeous Chantrelle mushroom. I slipped it carefully in the bag and continued the hunt.

Later as I sloshed back to the truck, I was struck by a sense of de-je-vu. I had a sudden flash back to  hours spent hiking the woods and canyons around my parents house. Rain or shine nothing kept me from being out where I felt the best. I smiled as I hitched up my sodden sagging jeans as I remembered my mother hosing us off in the side yard when we got back.

I am grateful for the chance to once again roam the hills and enjoy the beauty of the world around me. Not even the rain can dampen my enthusiasm.

Just Connie

Halloween Thoughts

It is Sunday and I should be posting my sermon, but I am too excited about our Harvest party. It is Halloween and the church threw our annual Harvest party. Tonight hundreds of people came through the church. they played games, ate hot dogs and walked in the cake walk.

It was so much fun to see all the costumes and see how much fun the kids were having. It was wild and loud and packed with people. But it was wonderful to see the church full of laughing families enjoying a night out together.

My hope is that these same people who came in tonight for carnival games and hot dogs will find their way back to the church and find hope in Christ. I think tonight was a good start. I am excited to see what God will do next.

Just Connie

Dinner Guests

Tonight my house was full of people. People that were laughing, eating and having a wonderful time. It has been a long time since my house was filled with people and  it was a very good feeling.

The celebration tonight was for everyone who had worked on my remodeling project. So many people gave of their time and expertise to help me. I wanted everyone to have a chance to see the finished product and to know of my deep appreciation.

It felt so good to see people just enjoying good conversation and enjoy being together. it felt good to be surrounded by friends. I think I need to do more of this. But tonight was a great start.

Just Connie

Leadership Meeting

I drove through the rain tonight to join a group of Free Methodist leaders. We had the opportunity to pick the brain of a church planter "expert". It was fascinating to me. Though I am not a church planter many of the principles shared tonight were things any pastor needed to hear.

He talked about focus and funding and a systematic approach that really spoke to my heart. I came away from the meeting with a resolve to be who I am as a pastor and a determination to shore up my personal systems of management and pastoral care.

I am grateful for times like this that help me focus and infuses me with new energy. Now I just need to put it all to good use.

Just Connie

Christmas in October

Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells ..... it is not quite Halloween and I feel like I should be singing Christmas songs and hanging the holly & the berries. I met with other community leaders tonight and we checked out all the outside Christmas lighted displays the City of Willamina uses. It was a matter of plugging them in and replacing the burned out bulbs. It was a thoroughly enjoyable time and we adjourned to the restaurant next door for chili and cornbread afterwards. I had a lot of fun getting to know some of the people that I only get to see during community meetings and events.

Tonight was a reminder to me that I need to get out and socialize. I have really hibernated over the past couple of years. I think it is time to begin to break loose from the grief and fear that have held me captive. There are good things ahead. God has plans to prosper and to bless me and I need to step into that with confidence and joy. Hmmmm ... maybe it is time to get out the Christmas music?


"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11









Just Connie

Aha Moment

I had an "aha" moment today. You know that moment in time when several pieces of the puzzle all fit together in an understandable whole. Today that aha moment tied together some pieces that I had really been struggling with. Suddenly the distress and confusion of the past months melted away. The things that I had wondered if I was actually the problem became clear... it was not about me.

I am finding that the aha moment is freeing me of fears,  confusion and indecision. It is a good feeling, a feeling I would like to become accustomed to. In fact I say, "bring on the aha moments. I am ready for some more."

Restoration

It is Sunday and that means it is time for today's sermon. Today's text is found in Galatians 6:1-6.


1Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. 2Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. 3If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. 4Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, 5for each one should carry his own load.


6Anyone who receives instruction in the word must share all good things with his instructor.

Christianity …. We are said to be the only army in the world that shoots it’s wounded. But that is not God’s desire … restoration is God’s desire. If I really want people to be restored there are some things in me that have to be in place.

I need to be:

1. Spiritually mature (You who are spiritual vs1)

2. Gentleness (vs 1 restore him gently)

3. Personally vigilant (watch himself vs 1)

4. Desire to help (Carry each other, vs 2)

5. Humility (vs 3)

6. Test your actions (vs 4 test your actions)

7. Compare against no one (vs 4)

8. Godly pride (vs 4 take pride in yourself)

9. Carry your own load (vs 5)

10. Fulfill the law of Christ


Love God & love other people, invest in restoration. It is life changing. There are no throw away people.

Day Off

Today was my day off. I had to run to the church and meet someone and had to prepare my devotional for tomorrow's regional quiz meet. So that was not too onerous and it gave me time to run some errands. After I got done at the church I headed to Dallas to continue the search for the coffee table. No luck yet. I have not found the perfect piece that says, this is perfect for that spot. So the search will continue.

By the time I got done at the Dallas Walmart and grabbed a fast food lunch, the lingering headache I had been trying to ignore began to make itself felt in earnest. I decided to call it a day and headed home. I have spent a quiet afternoon and evening swigging aspirin and trying to beat  the headache. So far no luck.

I think sometimes the stress of the week comes to roost when I do try to carve a day off. I think I need to stay more active. I know that it is a great stress reliever when I can do something very physical/ But tomorrow is another day. I will keep working on it.

Board Meeting

Another meeting tonight. This one was a board meeting. It was a long, tough meeting, but we made it through. I am so proud of this group of people. They have had to face some really hard things in the 3 months I have been their pastor. Of course by default that means that I have had to face them as well. But I remain committed to doing the hard stuff that will lead us to health and godly balance in our church.

One of the things I have been saying over the past months is that leading is not about forging ahead into uncharted territory, it is about following. Following the path God sets before us.... through the hard stuff ... where ever the path leads. To be a leader we have to learn to follow.

So I am proud to be the pastor of people who are willing to follow, willing to face the hard stuff and willing to serve. It will be exciting to see where God takes us in the days ahead.

Just Connie

Meeting Thoughts

Several months ago we had a large community event. It was a wonderful experience and had a great impact on our little community. Tonight we had a meeting to evaluate and debrief from that event. We talked about what worked well and what didn't. The event spotlighted a ministry from Sisters that offers a haven for abused animals and hurting children. it was a powerful evening.

The best thing about this meeting, is that we began planning the next event. Everyone was so pumped about it, that they are excited to plan another one and look at the possibility of starting a ranch here in Willamina. So December 2nd we will have a community meeting that I will chair to help us look at the possibility of a ranch right here in Willamina.

I have some praying and planning to do to prepare for that, but what an exciting possibility.

Just Connie

Carnivorous Bunny

Every night as part of my nightly lock up routine I bring in the dog's dish so the raccoons will not have a party on my deck. Tonight as usual, I brought it in and then curled up on the couch to IM with a Facebook friend.

I was chatting away when my furry buddies caught my eye. When I bring the dog's food dish in the dogs always have to taste it and make sure I have not snuck in something exotic and wonderful. Tonight was no exception as they immediately stuck their heads in the bowl and began eating, what was different tonight was that Bubba Bunny decided to check it out. He pushed his way between them and raised up on his hind legs and began chewing away. I was so startled I just stopped and watched as he little by little edged the dogs out. He finally jumped up and sat in the middle of the bowl while he was eating. The dogs were totally put out. The sheepdog stood next to me and kept barking, "Do something!" Hope puppy just kept running back and forth between me and the bunny ... whining, "Do something!".

So I did something ... I laughed and laughed. Laughed at my little carnivorous bunny and the way he had pushed the dogs away from their own food dish. Laughed at the dogs reactions and laughed at myself for being so entertained.

It is good to laugh ....

Just Connie

Monday, Monday

Monday, Monday ... Monday's. Officially Monday's are my sermon days. I try to protect them from appointments and interruptions but life happens regardless of my plans.

I jumped out of bed this morning and swept the floors (covered with leaves and debris from the dogs) and vacuumed and cleaned and threw my things in my briefcase and then headed to the office. I actually had a very productive morning and the sermon began to really click. I love that when it happens. It all just flows and falls into place. During break times I got some notes written took care of some paperwork and cleaned some of Sunday's debris off of my desk.

Then it was time to head out to the women's luncheon. It was lovely and I enjoyed the time with the ladies. From there it was back to the office and errands and the post office and finally home. At home it was time to spread some hay and do some more cleaning. It is days like this that I really miss another set of hands to help around the house. But eventually I came to a breaking point and slopped down on the couch to watch TV and catch up on Facebook.

All in all, it was a good day and I guess in truth I can sing along and Monday, Monday's .. so good to me .....

Just Connie

Living on Full

Today's sermon text is found in Galatians 5:16-22


16So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature. 17For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that you do not do what you want. 18But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under law.


19The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.


22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. 25Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. 26Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.

We have a problem, the sin nature that we were born with is not the nature that God calls us to. Paul is very clear here on the habits and attitudes that are part of the sinful nature and the things that are born out of being filled with the Spirit.


Acts of the sinful nature
• Sexual immorality & Impurity
• Debauchery
• Idolatry
• Witchcraft
• Hatred
• Discord
• Jealousy & Envy
• Fits of Rage
• Selfish Ambition
• Dissensions &Factions
• Drunkenness
• Orgies

The Solution to the Sinful Nature

Bring Filled with the Spirit .... Fruit of the Spirit
• Love
• Joy
• Peace
• Patience
• Kindness
• Goodness
• Faithfulness
• Gentleness
• Self Control

Filled with the Spirit, Living by the Spirit, keeping in step with the Spirit. It is an act of self will. I will be full of something .... it is my choice if I am full of myself or I am filled with the Spirit.

Just Connie

Saturday Night

Tomorrow is Sunday. I have prayed through the churchand I am turning my heart and thoughts towards worship. This is the time every Saturday that I begin reflecting anew on the message for tomorrow and picking up the threads I have laid down for my days off.

Tomorrow I will stand before God's people and preach on sin and holiness. Tonight I am checking my heart ... to make sure there is no wrong thing that will impede God's message. This preparation is probably one of the most important things I do all week.

Just Connie

Family Thoughts

Family has always been important to me. My family has been the framework for my success and happiness over the years. A little over a year ago my father suffered a traumatic brain injury and the past year has been a battle for him as he has slowly piece by piece fought to regain his life. In just the last few months he has reached some major mile markers, like getting his license back and going hunting ...things that are really important to him.

This morning he had a stroke. The call shook me deeply as i realized that everything he had been working so hard for ... might be gone. I packed up the sheepdog, put the puppy in the backyard and headed out to make the two hour trip to the hospital. It was a hard trip and brought to mind the horrible trip I made after his brain injury.

I was so relieved when I was able to wrap my arms around my mother and hear what was going on. She took me back to see my dad and see for myself that he had already made so much improvement. Over the next hours I was gladdened to see him continue to improve and to see his normal teasing begin to surface.

Tonight I am very grateful that he is recovering well and that there seems to be little lasting harm. I am grateful for the reprieve we were all given today. I am not ready to say goodbye to this man who has been a rock throughout my life. In fact I am praying for several more decades with him.

Just Connie

Fall Thoughts

Today was a beautiful Fall day. The morning was bright and clear with a hint of frost. I jumped out of bed and headed to the grade school to do my volunteer reading. It was my very first day and I loved it. The little girl who I was assigned to is a sweetie and I will enjoy our time together.

From there I headed to the office and tried to tie up some loose ends, have a short staff meeting, do some counseling and then jump back in the car and head to Mac for some office supplies. I spent several hours happily poking around, but I still have not found bookcases for my office!

So tomorrow on my day off, I think I will try again. There has to be something I can use so I can begin to get my office set up. i need to just get out there and keep looking. If I have to I might take a trip to Portland. Sigh .... I need my office to get finished up. It is past time. So ... tomorrow is another day. I will see what I get done.

Just Connie

The Hunt For Gold

I got a call this morning inviting me to hunt for gold. I jumped at the chance and grabbed my backpack, knife and hiking boots. Then joining my friends Dan and Clara we headed for the backcountry.

The outing was to hunt for Chantrelle Mushrooms. Expensive fancy mushrooms that are found in the coast range. We hiked up and down canyons and ridges and climbed, crawled and searched. And there they were ... hiding in the moss, under logs and in hard to spot hidey holes.

So I came home dirty, tired and with bags of gold feeling refreshed from the fellowship of being with friends and working hard together. Now tomorrow .... tomorrow I might not be quite so glad. I have a feeling that tomorrow I will be sore. ... but I guess I will worry about that tomorrow.

Just Connie

Today's Thoughts

Quiet day today. I worked on my sermon and then rushed home to make lunch for a friend. I really wanted to get a professionals opinion on what is happening with Gerrald, my former husband. She confirmed my own concerns and fears and made the following statement. "If he is threatening to so something he probably will." That filled me with sadness and the awareness that I need to be vigilant.

So tomorrow I will go and speak with the local police and alert them to the threat. The whole thing just makes me so sad. I am really having trouble equating this scary man with the man who stood at the alter with me so many years ago. Though I do have to admit that there is a resemblance to the scary raging guy I would see when he was drinking.

I am glad for the quiet tonight that allows me to think. I am feeling the need to process everything that has happened in the last week. Sigh ..... I really do not want to speak with the police, sometimes it is hard to be responsible.

Just Connie

Life is a Dance

It is Sunday and here is today's sermon.

Galatians 5:7-13
7You were running a good race. Who cut in on you and kept you from obeying the truth? 8That kind of persuasion does not come from the one who calls you. 9"A little yeast works through the whole batch of dough." 10I am confident in the Lord that you will take no other view. The one who is throwing you into confusion will pay the penalty, whoever he may be. 11Brothers, if I am still preaching circumcision, why am I still being persecuted? In that case the offense of the cross has been abolished. 12As for those agitators, I wish they would go the whole way and emasculate themselves!

13You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love. 14The entire law is summed up in a single command: "Love your neighbor as yourself." 15If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.

Life is a dance and we choose our partner.…. If we Dance with agitators then we will get our toes stepped on. Here are some of the painful truths of dancing with the agitators.

• Confusion
• Arguments & Bickering
• Destroying Others
• Destroying Self ... The penalty

We are called to love, to dance with each other in live and respect. if we are choosing the right dancing partners then there are things that will be noticeable.

• Positive Worship & Praise

Ephesians 1:3
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ.

• Encouraging Relationships

 Romans 15:7
Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.

• Utilization of Gifts and skills

1 Corinthians 14:1

 Follow the way of love and eagerly desire spiritual gifts

• Serve Joyfully

Philippians 1:11 
filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.

We are called to be free. We are enjoined to use our freedom to serve one another in love.  Life is a dance and I choose who my dancing partner is. It will determine the steps of my dance.

I hope you dance ...... dance and dance well.

Just Connie