I went to try to get my passport today. I had a certified copy of my birth certificate, I had my state issued id (drivers license) my checkbook .... I was ready. However I soon found out I was not ready. If your name has changed since your birth certificate you must have marriage license, divorce decree, etc, that will document your name change.
I stood there with my mouth open. Nothing in all the reading I had done indicated I would need that. The man was trying to be patient and kind with me and I was trying to figure out whether I would need "both" divorce decrees. But I found I did not want to ask him that. So I was kind of asking around the bush and he was not understanding what I was really asking. I left without being sure of what I would actually need.
As I drove home I thought back over my complete reluctance to tell him I was twice divorced. A total stranger and I was still fearful over what he would think of me .... that surprised me. My eyes filled with tears as I contemplated what it would take to get my passport. I would have to bring in the documentation and explain to someone why I have had three names.
That sense of shame .... surprises me. I really thought I had come farther than that. Shame is not of God. Conviction that brings Godly choices is from God, but this useless condemnation I know is not of God. So tonight I am trying to let the shame go. I will let God whisper words of love and affirmation and try to see myself through His eyes.
Hmmmm .... God tinted glasses .... that would be a very good thing.
Just Connie
1 comment:
Sweet friend - if ever you want lessons in shame - I can help you! I have lived in and with shame so long that it because a closer friend to me than - well, anyone. But I have recently begun to learn the differences in the kinds of shame and between shame and guilt. And that is where healing begins. I love you, and remember that in Christ there is no condemnation - so you are able to be shame free!
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