Recovery continues and I am absolutely amazed at how much of my time and energy go into this unexpected journey. I have to admit that I am not always content at where I am finding myself, especially right now when it seems like I have lost ground.
But I am really trying hard to not focus on what is wrong. There is already so much of me that is consumed with it, I do not want to give any more time, energy and thought to it than it already demands. But I am finding that rather challenging to be honest.
And I find that ... well a bit disappointing. I am a world class optimist and I wonder why it is so hard to stay positive as I fight my way down this difficult path. I know what I would tell those I counsel. I would say "The physical affects the mental". Besides being in the midst of recovery, the massive amount of drugs and chemicals that I am putting into my body are also taking a toll. But yet I find it hard to give myself much leeway on this.
Perhaps it is time to embrace this experience right where I am. That does not mean that I will give up looking ahead and seeing myself strong and healthy, it means that I will stop beating myself up for being where I am.
And that sounds like a pretty good idea ....
Just Connie
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