Forever Moments

I embarrassed myself today. That in itself is not that unusual. I have had many of those “Oh No!” moments. Like the time I fell in the dayroom at the Mission in front of about 150 homeless men. I landed in a pile with my skirt over my head. Or the time I was leading a tour of high-schoolers through the Mission and someone finally told me half way through the tour that my skirt was tucked in the top of my pantyhose. Those are the moments that stay with you forever.

I think I am going to remember today. I took my car in to have the oil changed. It was way over due because my husband had always changed the oil for me. This was a big change and I had drug my feet long enough. I knew I just had to get it done. The young man changing my oil called me out and he began to list all the things wrong. It was way low on oil, it had two lights out, it had very high mileage, etc, etc, etc. It seemed the list just went on and on. Then he asked me if I had a regular mechanic. “Yes” was out of my mouth before I thought about it. Then I said, “Uhmm no” and when he looked at me for additional clarification my eyes began filling with tears. He quickly went on trying to get through his list. He gave it a valiant effort as the tears rolled down my face. He finally stopped and said, “Are you crying? I don’t even make young children cry.”

I had no words to explain to him what had brought on the tears. As I have thought about it this afternoon it has been difficult for me to put my finger on exactly what the problem was. I think there were multiple issues. First of all, there was the fact that my “mechanic” was gone, gone, gone. The reality of that sometimes hits pretty hard. Secondly, it was being completely responsible for yet one more thing. Thirdly, I think I was overwhelmed with the multitude of problems.

As I take a look at all of those things separately they do not seem so bad. But at that moment in time, they brought a flood of tears. I want to do better than this. I am frustrated with where I am in this process. I do not like being like this.

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

I am trying to remind myself, that there is no timeline on healing. I think I need to just be where I am and rest in God’s presence. God loves me right here, right now. Now that is a moment, I need to remember forever.

Just Connie