I have struggled the last few days with a deep sense of grief and sadness. The recent deaths of my Grandmother and two friends within 2 weeks of each other were heavy blows and there are times that the grief of those losses takes my breath away. The last few days I have not been able to escape the loneliness and grief over the loss of my husband.
I am struck by the senselessness of this loss. It is one thing to lose a spouse through death, but to lose someone to alcohol is absolutely incomprehensible to me. I do understand that it is not my choice to make, but I am still filled with a sense of failure. I tried so hard, I did everything I knew how to do …. and it still was not enough. Gone …. gone … gone. I am grieved, saddened and sometimes frightened by this new reality.
Tomorrow is Easter and I am reminded that the disciples were also grieved and frightened. On Saturday they stood in the shadow of the cross grieved and lost without knowing the glory of the resurrection that was coming. I think where I find myself, has a lot of similarities to what the disciples were experiencing. I stand in the shadow of my grief, not able to see or understand the glory of tomorrow. My head knows that God will not leave me here. Even now he is working on my behalf.
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28
Sunday’s coming and He will roll the stone away for me.
Just Connie
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