I want to scream and shout and weep. I don’t because I know that I have to “keep it together”. There are people that I love who need me right now. My first view of my father was shocking even though I was expecting something horrific. His hair had all been shaved off the left side of his head and he had a large bloody wound about the size of a mush ball where they had opened his skull to relieve the pressure. There were tubes and wires coming out of his head, tubes and wires coming out of every part of his body. He lay with unnatural stillness as my mother and I slowly approached his bed.
Looking for small spots that did not have tubes or wires, we rubbed his legs and held his hand and just sat quietly with him. When we first came in his inter-cranial pressure was at 11 (normal is 0). By the time we left it was about 3-5. It steadily came down all day. As the day went on they lessened his sedatives and he began to respond to us. By the time we left tonight he could open his eyes …. (well one of them) briefly and squeeze our hands.
My father remains in critical condition in intensive care. I begin to think that he will pull through. But even as I realize that I am aware that he has a long road ahead of him. One of his nurses said today that he will probably be in the hospital for a month or more.
For me, I find that I just want to find a quiet place and lay my head down and weep out my hurt for him and my fears for what he will face in the future. This is a life changing event. It might be life changing for more than just mom and dad. This could be life changing for all of us. I guess all I can do is pray, stand strong in Christ and be of help in whatever way I can. You know, it would be so much easier to just weep and wail.
“When they saw him from a distance, they could hardly recognize him; they began to weep aloud” Job 2:12
Just Connie
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