It has been like wearing shoes that are too tight. Every step hurts and the throbbing interferes with the simplest tasks. Fighting these feelings of rejection is overwhelming and exhausting.
My past has trained me to expect rejection. Especially as a pastor I face all kinds of rejection. But this past week the rejection has cut cut deep and opened up old wounds. By last5 night all I could do was roll my weeping self into bed and cry myself to sleep. I found myself waking throughout the night crying, grieving ... feeling such a sense of worthlessness.
I am finding that though my head tells me that I am a child of the King, beloved and cherished I have old tapes that begin playing in dark moments. tapes that are filled with a sense of failure and self loathing that surprise me.
Tonight I am trying to reject the lies that those old tapes represent and the old hurts that created them. But I have to admit that I am still pretty sore and tender .... I am still wearing those shoes that are too tight. So I guess it is time to try to pry these shoes off my feet.
I have a feeling that getting them off will be a process..... sigh
Just Connie
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