How Am I Doing?

People often express concern about how I am handling what is going on with my body. I have to say with honesty that it depends.

It depends on physically what is going on. Because I have found that how my body feels and what my emotions are are very intertwined. When my lung function is low and I am struggling with infections it is easy to feel down or believe that I am not going to get better. And conversely, when my lung function is a bit higher and I am feeling stronger it is do much easier to believe that I am being healed.

It depends on how many things are hanging over my head. I have found it very hard to keep up with house work. It seems by the time I stagger home, I have no energy to do the most basic of tasks. Walking into a house that us not cleaned and organized to my standards has increased my stress and feeling overwhelmed. I gave had this feeling that I should be able to do keep up with everything. I was blessed to have a couple of dear friends who came in while I was gone and cleaned my house. They made an incredible dent in the mess and that gift of service has done a lot to strengthen and encourage me.

It depends on whether there is forward motion on medical treatment or it it seems I am in a downward spiral with little hope being offered. Right now the doctors are working hard to get me back into treatment and are hopeful that this will make the difference between life and death for me.

It depends on my support system. Do I feel  loved and supported? I have to admit here in Willamina it is hard to not feel loved and supported. People have been amazing. Someone anonymously had a ton of stove pellets delivered to me. People continue to donate to my medical fund and I have a local  businessman each month that donates to help with personal travel expenses and so on.

So I realize that my emotions are dependent on a lot of things. I also realize that sometimes emotions lie  and do not reflect the truth of a situation. What I do know about my situation is that currently I am critically ill. If we cannot stop this downward cycle I will die. I also know that I have an incredible team of doctors working very hard to bring healing and health to me. And I find that I am at peace. I am doing everything that can be done and the rest is in God's hands.

I believe that God is big enough, loving enough and wise enough to do what needs to be done for me. I believe that that there are good things ahead for me.

It will be good .... Or it will be even better .....

Just Connie