Do You Know I Love You?

If I were to die tonight ... would the people who mean the most to me know what they mean to me? That is a thought that has gripped me the last couple of days.

I have come to realize that I do not tell people enough and I do not initiate contact with my family and friends enough to assure them of my love and prayers.

I am going to try to do better. I never want them to doubt how much I love them.

Just Connie

I Cried Today

I cried today ... I did not plan on crying ... I certainly did not want to cry ... but there I was sitting among a bunch of pastor's crying.

And the catalyst for the tears was so very unexpected. It hit me hard and fast ... until there I was crying among my peers. No one meant to make me cry ... but yet my friends and colleagues did that very thing.

There we were discussing the new ordination requirements and suddenly they were discussing divorce and ordination. As I sat there and listened ... I felt  ... shame. Shame that I was "one of those". An overwhelming sense of shame that caused my protests to die unsaid and the tears to run down my face as I listened to them discuss divorce in a way that made me feel branded and unclean.

The thing that saddens me is that my hurt and distress made it impossible to speak out ... to protest, to educate. Instead I did what I always tell people to not do ... I withdrew emotionally, I frantically and ruthlessly pushed what I was feeling down.

But I have to admit ... that now hours later I still hurt, I am still fighting tears. I think I am paying the price for not being willing to "feel the feelings". So I am reflecting .... and thinking ... and praying.

I wish ...... that somehow, someway .... but God knows that prayer and He is big enough for this too.

Busy Week Continues

Today was my day off ... so of course it began with an 8:30 appointment at the Fire Hall to take pictures of the new hires. Following that I ran to the local restaurant Coyote Joe's and joined the church group for breakfast. From there I headed over to the church to meet a pastor from Salem to talk over tomorrow's work day.

By the time I wrapped up that meeting it was time to head back to the Fire Hall to take pictures of the group together now that everyone was there. After the picture taking, the Chief and I walked over to the VFW to take a break and walk through the Craft Bazaar. it was a great 30 minute break to wander and talk over the week's events.

After that nice break I headed into Sheridan to get my flu shot where I stuck out because the person that give the shots is gone till Monday. So heading back home I stopped at the grocery store, picked up lunch and headed home to relax. Where I have spent the the afternoon watching Dr Who and napping and doing some online counseling.

All in all a great day and tomorrow I hit the ground running to supervise the work day and get some projects done around the church.

Have I mentioned that I really love my job ...

Just Connie

Busy and Grateful

Today  was eclectic ... busy but eclectic. It started up with a Chamber of Commerce meeting and then was followed up by a Fire Board Meeting where I was officially appointed as the Public Information Officer for the Fire Department. Once I got all my meetings out of the way for the day I stayed at the Fire Hall and typed up some reports that needed to be done.

Then I had a phone counseling session at the church, grabbed some lunch and went to meet with the Treasurer. Then it was time to wade through my e-mail, answer messages and then run to Sheridan to pick up medications. After a quick trip to the Hardware Store I headed back to the church to clear off some desk work.

I wrapped up the work day with a phone call from the Sheridan pastor's inviting me to preach at this year' community Thanksgiving service. Throwing all my gear in the car I stopped at the grocery store and then headed home where I unloaded 50 pound of dog food, carried in 40 pounds of pellets and put  groceries away.

Right now I am sitting here with my feet on the coffee table. In half an hour I will head to the church for an art class.

I love how unique each and every day is. I love what I am doing and I love the fullness of ministry. I feel blessed, happy and certain I am where God has called me to be.

I guess when you think about it ... you really cannot ask for more than that..... I am so grateful!

Just Connie

Postscript - 3 hours later ... In the midst of my class I got paged to a vehicle fire where I took photos and gathered information for media inquiries. Have I mentioned I love my job?

A Good Obedient Daughter

I just got back from a Fire Conference. It was the first one I had ever been at. Right now my head is filled to the bursting point with new information. I have a feeling that it will take me some time to process everything that I learned.

One of the things I was instructed to do (by my father of course) was to bring back a fireman. His ongoing campaign to find a man for my life. Soooo being a good obedient and dutiful daughter I brought back this fireman.















For some reason ... he called me a brat.

Sooooo still trying to be a good and obedient daughter I decided that instead I would bring back this fine fellow. A knight in shining armor.










For some reason he once again  called me a brat.

Sometimes you can't please anyone!

Crazy Lady

I get to do lots of fun things as a pastor. One of the things I love to do is candidate testing at the Fire Department.  They set up several stations where candidates are tested and scored. They are tested in a Fire scenario, paramedic skills, general knowledge and conflict resolution. I always get the honor of being part of the conflict resolution testing.

This year the scenario I was given is that a Fire Truck knocked my mailbox down. I was supposed to be angry and come to the Fire Hall demanding answers. In other words I got to yell, try to intimidate and be an all around pain in the neck. In other words I got to play and have lots of fun.

As each candidate came in we explained the scenario and then I would begin my yelling. The expressions on the face of the candidates were priceless. Some recovered very well and others ... well not so much. It was especially hard for the candidates who knew me, they could not reconcile the person they knew and this yelling, screaming maniac.

My favorite response of the day was one young man who asked if I could identify the driver of the truck. When I told they were wearing a fireman's uniform and a helmet ... he responded, ""was it me?" It was all I could do to keep a straight face.

All in all, it was a great day. I had fun, met lots of people and totally convinced a new generation of firemen that pastors are absolutely nuts.

Yep ... ministry is wonderful!

Just Connie

Nag

My father is a nag. He never used to be a nag but at some point he made the decision that I need a man. Now it does not make any difference what our conversation is about, somehow it will relate to the lack of a man in my life. I always laugh and make a joke about it, but one day I finally asked him why he wanted me to have  man and he told me that he did not want me to get old alone.

I have to admit that it really sobered me. First of all, because he wants me to be happy and to have the joy of companionship. I was touched by his love and concern for me. Secondly, because it brought up my own hidden fears. I do not know that anyone wants to grow old alone and I have to admit that I do not like the thought. 

However, I find that I am content with my life right now. Content with  ministry, friends and the freedom I have right now. I also find my life very rich. I have the joy of serving in a wide variety of roles from preaching, to the Fire Department, to working with the Chamber and the Business groups. All of these roles add a dimension and offer me a chance to use a wide variety of skills that benefit the community.

I guess it is a matter of embracing what life brings me. Right now life has brought me singleness and that has a joy of its own. I hope I will always embrace what God sets before me with grace, love and enthusiasm.

Who knows what is coming next? ....

Just Conniee

Today's Pond Picture

Celebrating Roy

Today I celebrated the life of a very special man. Roy always had a hug and a kiss. He had an amazing ability to love you and let you know that you were important in his life.

I have so many good memories of him, memories of working side by side. Memories that warm my heart and remind me that he was an amazing guy.

I remember one day we working for hours cutting trees down and splitting them. Roy and I worked the splitter, I would drag, roll and muscle the immense rounds of fir into the splitter and Roy would run the machine. All the way through he would watch me huff and puff and struggle to move those heavy rounds and tell me "Man, you need to get in shape". Then he would laugh and I would throw something at him and we would both laugh.

Tonight I want to remember his love and his laughter and let that comfort my heart and strengthen me, It will be an emptier world without him, but I think he invested enough in my life that it will continue to make a difference int he day ahead.

I hope that I can make that kind of difference in the lives of those around me ....

Just Connie

Not Dull

I got the call just after I had ordered breakfast at our local restaurant, the alarm was going off at the Old High School Campus and I was asked to run down and turn it off. So I told them to hold my food and I headed down to the Campus,

Letting myself in with my key I turned off the alarm and noticed some lights on down the main hall. So I began the trek to the other end turning off lights and closing doors as I went. I got all the way to the gym when I aw the outside door to the gym open and that is when it dawned on me, the school had been broken into! A few seconds after that realization was this one, "The school has been broken into, and I am standing here by myself in the middle of a dark 10,000 square foot building and I have no idea if someone is in the building or not."

As my shaking hands dialed 911 I began to back out of the building as fat as I could mumbling to myself, "Dumb, dumb, dumb". As I sat on the steps and waited for the Sheriff deputy I began to realize that I was not going to get back to rescue my breakfast. And that is about the time the first of the squad cars began to pull up. Before I knew it there were 5 deputies there to rescue me and check the building.

An hour later the building was secured, no bad guys were found and the alarm was set once again. As I drove back to the restaurant to see if my breakfast could be reclaimed, it dawned on me that my life is never dull.

And I am thinking that not dull ... is pretty good.

Just Connie

Pond Beauty

I have been working hard to get back in shape after the last two years of illness. Part of that has been a commitment to walk most mornings around the Willamina Pond. So every morning I show up and walk 2.5-3.5 miles. I has been a wonderful time and I can feel myself get stronger every week as I continue to work on gaining strength and stamina. But one of the best things about walking has been the beautiful scenery each morning. These are a couple of the photos from the last couple of months.

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Oil Adventure

My resident car expert stuck his head through my office door and said, "How long has it been since you checked your oil?" I immediately straightened my shoulders and said, "Well ... uhmmmm not since the day after I brought it home and you made me do it."

Shaking his head he told me to pop the hood and check the oil. And that was when I discovered I did not know how to open the hood of my new car. Who knew they would recess a hood release there ... well apparently my resident car expert did, but I certainly did not. But I got the hood opened and then it was the search for the oil is checked. (I am very gad that some smart person decided to put yellow ids on all the things I am supposed to check) So I pulled it out, wiped it off like a pro ... well okay more like a klutz since I could seem to get it back into the little opening it came from. But eventually I got it checked only to discover that I was a quart low.

And then is when I got panicked my new car was losing oil! But after poking around my resident car expert found the oil filter was not tightly fastened and was leaking oil. So then it was time to go and get some oil where I discovered there are "kinds of oil" .... sigh .... why does it have to be so complicated? But I did get some oil and then took it back to my resident expert who showed me where I was supposed to add it.

Finally, I got it added, but I am not sure you are supposed to get that much oil on you when you add oil, but at least I got it in.

This oil adventure took about an hour of my morning but it also made me grateful for people who challenge me and make learn stuff I do not want to learn. Stuff I have to learn to live successfully on my own.

Now if I can just remember how to do this next Monday when I am supposed to check it again.

Just Connie

Blessed

I spent the morning rafter walking at the church. It is always an adventure for me to explore areas of the church I have never been in before. After 30 minutes of crawling around the rafters and stringing video wire I finished up and began the climb down which included traversing the ladder down the steeple.

I arrived tired, incredibly dirty and feeling pretty accomplished at the bottom ready to go on to the next project.

As I have thought about my exploration in the rafters I have been reminded that I enjoyed it for several reasons. I enjoy helping in very real tangible ways because so much of what I do is hard to quantify and measure. I also enjoy doing something very physical because so much of my normal work day is not. I also find that I truly enjoy working side by side with the men and getting to know them as friends.

I feel very blessed tonight, blessed by the opportunities to serve, blessed by friendship and blessed by the return of my health that allows me to spend a day like today in service.

And blessed is a pretty good way to be ....

Just Connie

Tight Fit

My good friends and associates rode home with me from the backpacking trip. We were all dismayed when we discovered that they were locked out of their house. As we walked around and checked every window and door we discovered that everything was locked tightly up. There was one small window about 7 feet up the wall over the kitchen sink that they were finally able to jimmy open. As we looked at each other and looked at the size of the window it was apparent that I was the smallest person there with the best chance of getting in the window.

So we found a step stool and carefully balanced it on the rocks as I climbed as high as it would go .... and it was not quite high enough. So then I stepped up on the handle and jumped up in the window pulling myself up and through. Except ..... I high centered in the middle. Behind me I could hear strangled laughter and snorts as my good friend Peggy as she tried hard not to laugh out loud at the sight of my backside hanging out her kitchen window. And that was when I started laughing as the ridiculousness of it struck me. Still laughing I finally pulled myself in by grabbing the faucet and pulling myself onto the counter where I cleaned everything off the counter top as I tried to find a secure path to the floor ... and that only made me laugh harder. But finally I was standing on the floor and could go and open the front door ... still laughing of course as I let them in.

I think it is good to laugh at ourselves, to laugh at life. I think I will remind myself to laugh often to be willing to look ridiculous and to be willing to share the laughter with the people around me. Because laughter changes things and life  could always use a little more laughter.

I wonder what silly thing I will do next?

Just Connie

Worth the Effort

Months back when my asthma went red-line, my insurance company assigned me my own nurse. She called every week to see how I was doing and offer advice to help me get my asthma under control. I have found her advice and encouragement very helpful as I have struggled to regain normal life.

The appointments went from every week, to every two weeks and then finally to once a month. Today was the check in appointment after going a whole month. So much of my recovery was based around the fact that I had to get out and get back in shape for the backpacking trip. So I had to fill her in on how I did with the backpack. I think she was almost as excited as I was to know that everything went so smoothly and I was able to push myself a little bit without any major problems.

I also had to fill her in on the major asthma attack I had after I got home. The exciting thing was that I was able to handle it at home and I have slowly been regaining lung function. She reminded me that this will be a continual process. I will need to monitor every day and I will need to prepare for attacks. But I am finally beginning to feel like I have the tools and the knowledge to be able to control this and handle it at home. And I am finding that is a pretty good feeling.

As I have walked through this over the last 6 month I am reminded at how it seems like the important things are worth working for. The need to exercise and to monitor and to treat appropriately and to stay educated and tuned in. My good health right now and my ability to draw good deep breaths have been worth the work.

I think there are other things that worth the effort and work. Things like friendship, service and of course my relationship with God. It is worth every bit of work and effort that I invest and there is an incredible payout as I work. There is the love and support of my friends that I have invested time and energy in. There is the joy of a hard days work giving to other people. and most importantly there is the joy of growing closer to God. It is life changing, life affirming and life giving.

And that is truly worth the effort ....

Jut Connie

Reflections

I am reflecting on my backpacking trip. First of all I am very thankful that I was able to go this year when it was looking so doubtful that I would be able to.

Secondly as always, being outside is so restorative to me. It seems to blow the cobwebs out and fill me with a sense of God's presence and peace.

Thirdly, I am very thankful for friends who allow me to crash their family backpack trip every year. Without their gracious inclusion I would not get the chance to do this every fall.

Fourthly, this reminds me that I really need to develop some hiking and backpacking partners. I miss having someone to run off to the woods with on a regular basis. I just do not know where to start to make this happen.

There are new places to hike and new vistas to explore ....

Just Connie

Photo Thoughts

 A few of my backpacking pictures.

The Road less Traveled

Tomorrow I head out for four days of backpacking. I am very excited and I am mostly packed and ready with a few things to put in my pack int he morning. Then it will be time to weigh my pack and decide what can stay and what can go. I have a habit of packing too much and this year I am committed to trying to keep it under 30 pounds. I will do my best.

I love getting out in the beauty of God's world. There is something about being out there, walking where not many go that blows the cobwebs out and refreshes me. So tomorrow I will raise my face to the sun and enjoy every moment as I walk the road less traveled.

There are wonderful things ahead .... is it tomorrow yet?

Just Connie

Beauty

For the last four days I have spent time with a great group of Nazarene women. I was the speaker at their first ever retreat. The retreat went well and we laughed and cried and laughed some more. We ate more than we should and we played in the ocean.

Being the speaker for this event reminds me of how much I love doing this. It is a joy to me. The subject matter was different from most of the retreats I have done in the past. This was all about self image and seeing ourselves through God's eyes. I have found this is a tough subject for women, including myseld. All of us have "tapes" that we tend to run when we look in the mirror ... you are fat ... you are ugly ... you are unlovable. But the reality is that those are lies from the enemy. God created us for beauty and in beauty.

But yet that is so challenging for us to accept ... and challenging for even me to accept. But yet God is growing me and deepening my understanding of this issue. I saw women freed from misconceptions and chains of despair broken.

My prayer is that we continue to seek God's truth and God's eyes ... because there is beauty all around us ... even in me.

Just Connie

Happy Trails

Always in a hurry ... always in a hurry ... that is how I feel like this week is going. I have been frantically trying to get my notes and music together for the women's retreat that I am speaking at this weekend. I have also had a pile of meetings in a short week and counseling sessions To further complicate things I have a coupe of people in the hospital and other visitation to do. Well ... the list just goes on and on.

So tomorrow I will do what any self respecting pastor would do when life gets too busy and frantic ... I am going to sneak off and do something to nurture me. I am going horseback riding! I have had a life long love affair with horses but I seldom get the chance to ride anymore. I do take the time to go out and groom horses at the rescue ranch and that is wonderful. But it is not riding which is sooooo much better.

I realize that I will have to pay the piper when I get back .... I will have a lot of work to squeeze into the few hours before I head out for the Retreat. However, I think the break is important. I am committed to finding the time to play and to finding things that will nurture me even when life is hard and busy.

Sooooo come on tomorrow ... Happy Trails to me!

Just Connie

Walking Thoughts

I have been diligently walking and trying to increase my stamina over the last month and a half or so. I am walking 2.5 miles 3-5 days a week and tonight I added an extra mile. It feels good to be feeling better and breathing better.

Tonight was the kick off to my boot camp class .... I was a bit nervous because the instructor is a young man who is a martial arts expert. I was afraid that my 50+ body was going to rebel. But it looks like he is going to be gentle with us and slowly increase the difficulty, Tonight we weighed in (ick) and then took a brisk 1 mile walk. Next week it will be increased.

So I am excited at yet another opportunity to get stronger and increase my fitness. What a difference a few months can make. It was just March ... 6 months ago that I was in acute respiratory failure in the hospital. Now I am walking several miles a day and getting ready for my backpacking trip. 6 months ago this did not seem possible this year.

I am highly motivated to not go back to where I was, to continue to educate myself and to continue to exercise and breathe deep.

And that feels pretty good .... breathing .... living .... growing ....

Just Connie

Camp Fire Thoughts

I have just spent the last 4 days sleeping on the ground and enjoying the gorgeous world God has created. It was our annual Church Camp Out.Besides incredible scenery and peace it was a chance to get to know people that I do not get to spend much time with.

Wonderful things seem happen around the camp fire ... lots of laughter, sharing of life stories and reflections on life ..friendships deepen and trust is established. It makes me want to put a camp fire in the sanctuary.

I think that this is an important time in the life of the church. It breaks us out of the routine of everyday life and gives us new opportunities to connect. I am so glad for all of those that came to worship with us or even enjoy an afternoon or evening visiting.

I am looking forward to what we will do next year. There are more campfires to come ....

Just Connie

Inspiring Hands

Every Wednesday I head down to the church for a class called Inspiring Hands. Our teacher challenges us to look at the world in new ways and t listen to what God is saying to us. She often has painting assignment that are really challenging such as painting blindfolded or only using 2 color. I have loved getting back into art. I used to draw and paint in my other life and it feels restorative to be painting again.

Tonight she asked us to listen to what God was saying to us about life and to paint it on black plastic. In an hour and a half the class each painted and then explained to the class God was saying to us.

I find this time very important in my life. So much of what I do is for other people ... but this is completely and totally for me. I am reminded that it is important for me to find things like this that breathe life into me. I think it is time to start looking around for other things that I can do and experience.

Who knows what i will find next?

Just Connie

Birthday Party Celebration

I spent a couple of hours at a local restaurant tonight celebrating the birthday of a friend. He is a great guy that does so much around town that people are completely unaware of. So it was very fun to surprise him tonight. There were about 25 or so others friends, family and colleagues to celebrate with as well.

I really enjoyed the time I spent with them tonight, going fro table to table to sit and talk with those I do not get to spend a lot of time with. I was also fortunate to be able to sit next to my pal Cambria who is 7 years old and lots of fun. One of the highlights of the evening was saying to her as she was leaving, "Come and give me a hug" and having the man next to her think I was talking to him and coming over and giving me a hug. It really made me laugh and I told little Cambria that I was going to have to hang out with her more often.

Tonight and yesterday reminds me of how important it is for me to spend time with people. I can get so isolated in my evenings and weekends that I forget that for me people bring life, joy and energy to me. I am glad to met such great people and I really think that Willamina is one of the best places in the world to live. I am so glad to be here.

I just hope Willamina is glad to have me ....

Just Connie

Tonight's Musings

I went out to lunch with good friends today who were celebrating their 52nd anniversary. I find it amazing and wonderful that they have been married that long and I rejoice for the wonderful life and the incredible family this couple has built with their love and devotion.

I have to admit that there is always a part of me that is saddened when I realize that I will never be married for 52 years. I can hardly imagine what it is like to be loved so much that someone would stay with you through the years. I think that is a wonderful thing and there is a part of me that will probably always want to loved like that.

But I am happy with my life and am very thankful for the many things that God has restored in my life I think it is important to focus on what I am thankful for, not for the losses in my life. So here are some things that I am thankful for tonight.

• My wonderful, incredible  parents
• My children
• My family
• My friends
• My home
• My community
• Ministry
• Increasing good health
• Insurance (so very thankful)
• My wonderful Hope Puppy
• For the opportunities still ahead of me

It is wonderful to know that there is a lot of life ahead me. A lot of time to learn and grow and love and minister.

And that is a pretty precious gift ....

Just Connie

Duck Races 2014

Yesterday I spent the day playing in the creek. It was our annual Duck Races in Willamina. It is always lots of fun and very busy. This year was no different ... it was very busy and lots of fun.

My job began at 9:00 with the setting up of the "finish line" in the creek. The finish line is built of wire fencing overlaid with chicken wire ... so we had to get the huge roll of wire  unrolled and down the steep bank to the creek The wire is heavy, sharp and very unwieldy. We struggled down the bank and somehow made it without falling on our faces or loosing control of the wire.But once it was down it was my job to pull it across the creek which everyone enjoyed as it it involved moving a few steps and falling down into the creek ... walking a few more steps and falling again..

Eventually the finish line was completed the finishing chute installed and the ducks were released. It is an incredible sight to see 2,000 rubber ducks floating down the creek. As the winners lined up in the chute my job was to call out the numbers for recording. There were happy faces all around cheering for their ducks and listening eagerly to hear the winners.

Before I knew it, it was time to be dismantling the finish line and that is when I took one more tumble .... right into the wire fencing. So I now have a reminder of the this year's Duck Races...bruises and cuts up and down both arms. However, in spite of everything, it all got cleaned up and put away for next year.

I went home wet, happy and tired. .... I can hardly wait until next year!

Just Connie

Kindness and Hidden Beauty

I had an unexpected call from a friend int he community tonight. He invited me to come with him to see Willamina Falls. I was excited because I have been wanted to figure out where they were for a long time and I had mentioned to him I would like to find them one of these days.

It was a perfect night for a drive up in the woods. There was a nice wind blowing cooling things off from the heat of the day and the hills looked hazy in the evening light.We drove up through the gravel road and finally pulled off next to one of the many trails that traverse this area. I could hear the falls as we got out. I laughed when I looked at the trail because it was straight down. I was sure that I was going to end up on my backside, but I somehow managed to get down the trail without falling and taking everyone one else out with me.

As we got to the falls I was so blessed by the beauty of the falls even with the water being low. I stood there for a long time and just soaked it all in.AS I hiked back up the hill I was very thankful that I have been walking in the mornings. and i managed somehow to get up without embarrassing myself.

Tonight's outing reminded me of a couple of things. First of all, the kindness of a friend to see that I was able to do something that I wanted to do makes an incredible difference. Secondly,  there is hidden beauty all around ....we just need to take the time to look.

I want to pass on the kindness and I want to spend more time looking for the hidden beauty around me. It sounds so  easy but yet somehow....it is so challenging to do.

Just Connie

Unexpected Moments

I took my new car in for servicing today. I have a friend that works in the servicing department and I was very pleased and surprised when he asked me to go to lunch with him while I was waiting for my car.

I spent about an hour laughing and getting to know this young man. At the end of the hour he deposited me at the service department to pick my car up and left me with a smile on my face for the unexpected blessing.

I think it was a good reminder that there are blessings all around us just waiting for us to slow down enough to enjoy them. I think I am going to look harder for these moments and make the decision to enjoy them to the utmost.

I wonder what I will find tomorrow?

Just Connie

Beauty All Around

Some of my photos from the Butterfly House. It was such am extraordinary experience to be among hundreds of butterflies. I will let the pictures speak for themselves.


Just Connie

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Butterflies!

I had an unusual experience this week. I took a trip to a butterfly flight house. it was amazing and I was there right after several hundred Monarch Butterflies had hatched out.

I found them beautiful but also somewhat mesmerizing. I mean how often do you get to stand so close to a butterfly and see the very intricate markings they had.

I came away amazed at God's infinite creativity in this beautiful creation. I am humbled when I remember that Scripture say that after he created mankind he looked and said, "This is good".... and that was after the butterflies had been created.

I guess it is good to be reminded .... God does good work.

Just Connie

Grandchildren

My two grandsons .... I could not believe it when I got to see this photo. Both of them together ... what a marvelous picture!

I can hardly believe I have two grandsons ... a 4 year old and a four month old. I think I am wayyyyy too young to have grandsons already!

But I am so looking forward to being part of these two lives. Looking forward to watching them grow and learn.

What an incredible blessing grandchildren are!

Just Connie

Surprise!

There was a gentle breeze in the air as I gathered my notes and headed to the microphone to distribute the Willamina Chamber of Commerce annual awards. I was surprised when the Chamber president asked to give the first award which was Citizen of the Year. I stood there is shock as she began to list the things I do in the community and called my name.

They awarded me Citizen of the Year. I really do not fee that I deserve it, but I am so very appreciative. What an incredible honor and I am humbled by their confidence in me.There is not much you can say at that point other than "thank you".

So  as I reflect on that tonight I cannot figure out what they see in me or in what I do. Because I do what I love and I enjoy the things I do in the community. I feel like I have been amply rewarded for any little thing I have done with the joy that it brings me.

I think I am still in shock .....

Just Connie

Nothing Like Family

There is nothing like family ... they can challenge you, center you and remind you that you are loved. I have just spent the last two days with my family. How I love them and how I miss being with them every day.

This was an amazing visit, my beloved cousin was visiting from Minnesota and I got to meet my new grandson for the first time. I have to admit that I cried when they put him in my arms today. I was so overwhelmed with the miracle that he is. How thankful I am for my daughter and her wonderful husband and the great life they are building together. I am so very proud of them and so very grateful for the bits of time that we can spend together since they live so far away.

So I am back in Willamina tonight wrapped in a glow of love that I think will stay with me for quite a while.It is good to be loved but it is even better to love. How thankful I am for the the people God has given me to love.

I am truly blessed ....

Just Connie

What Do I See In The Mirror?

What do we see when we look in the mirror? For most women when we look in the mirror we do not like what we see. I'm fat ...old ... ugly ... the list goes on and on. Life seems to teach us from an early age that we do not measure up to the pictures in the magazines. You know the ones I mean ... the ones that have been airbrushed and photo shopped.We do not measure up to our own expectations.

I have been reminded of this as I have talked to several women this week. One of them is a beautiful brunette with incredible hair, skin and such a pretty face. She does not think she is attractive. She looks int he mirror and sees someone fat and unattractive and yet she is gorgeous. I told her that I wish she could see herself with my eyes so she could see how fabulous he really is.

As I have thought about it, I have considered my own internal conversations with the mirror about my age, my weight, my nose and well just about everything. It occurs to me that how I see myself is not how others see me. More importantly how I see myself is not how God sees me. How I wish I could see myself through God's eyes. I wonder what I look like through his loving eyes?

I wonder how would we change if we were not so self critical, if we could see ourselves with God's eyes? I have a feeling that it would fill us with a confidence that few of us ever experience. Imagine a life not controlled by our insecurities ... that sounds pretty wonderful to me.

And if I could see myself with God's eyes ... imagine what could happen if I could see others with God's eyes ....

Just Connie

Getting Ready

One of the things that really give me joy in life is to be in the outdoors. Hiking and backpacking energize me and prepare me to meet the demands of everyday life. However I have struggled to get on the trails in the last 6 years. First of all my hiking buddy and good friend Debbie passed away. Suddenly I had had no one to hike with ... no one to share the demands and joys of the trail with. Secondly, for the last two years my health has plummeted to new lows as I have struggled just to stay breathing.

But now, I am feeling better, my lung function is coming up and I am beginning to train for a backpacking trip in about a month. I am taking early morning walks and will try adding evening walks this week as well. I really want to get back in shape and begin to do the things that I love once again.

But as I begin to feel better I am realizing that I am still in need of a hiking partner. I thought for so long that I would meet someone who loved it as much as I do ... but after 6 years I am beginning to think I am not going to just run into someone who loves to hike. I tried a hiking club in Salem but I found myself feeling very much like an outsider on the group hikes they offered.

So I am contemplating what I might do to get to know some like minded people. There are still a couple of month of good hiking weather left.I would sure like to get out on the trails again .... I am thinking ... anyone got any good ideas?

Just Connnie

Numbers

I looked at the numbers on the peak flow meter and said a very spiritual thing, "Crap!" After weeks of a slow climb back to normal, numbers had fallen in the "yellow zone". Yellow Zone means that I am back on breathing treatments. Today after a week and a half at the yellow zone I went in and got a steroid shot.

I have to admit to an underlying fear that this will be my life now, peak flow meter, inhalers, steroids and struggling to breath. But even as I write that fear I recognize that God is big enough, strong enough and powerful enough for where ever I am.

If I really believe that then I need to find joy in exactly where I am today. Breathing treatments and all .... fears and all. There is so much about my life that is good and right. So many ways that I can see God's hand at work.

I guess it all comes down to a matter of focus ... do I insist on focusing on what is wrong or on my fears? Or will I choose to focus on life, love and the many many blessings that are poured out on my life?

Tonight I choose life ... tomorrow ... I will remind myself of this again.

Just Connie

I am on double doses of antibiotics to fight the infection in my arm. The antibiotics are working in that the infection is healing. But they have some not enjoyable side effects ... primarily nausea for me right now. I know it is worth it, but the process of healing can sometimes be complicated.

As I have reflected on that I have been reminded of how life is so often complicated. There is usually layers of "things" going on. I know that is very true in my own life right now. From asthma, surgery,  the death of my car, the mounting medical bills ... all of it is just life.

I guess the question is what do we do when life gets complicated, do we sit in misery and whine and complain? Or do we meet each challenge with grace, humor and courage? I have to say that I have never found that whining moves me ahead at all. But when I accept the grace and strength of God to meet my circumstances it changes everything. Primarily, it changes me, my attitude and my perspective. It gives me the courage to look for God's answer to not depend on my own wisdom.

So even though this Unexpected Journey continues I am confident that I am not walking this path alone and I have everything I need to live, love and serve to the glory of God. And I cannot even express how thankful I am that I do not have to do this alone.

I am never alone .... and that is a good feeling,

Just Connie

The Challenge

This has been a challenging year. I have been in the hospital three times and am still recovering from the surgery I had in June. Then last week my car died ... the kind of dead that requires a new engine. While I was sitting by the side of I-5 with Hope Puppy I scratched my arm. Yesterday I was diagnosed with a MRSA infection on my arm.

And that was the point I lifted my eyes to heaven and said, "Really? This is getting altogether too Job-like for me" However, it is a small infection and should respond well to the major course of antibiotic treatment I am currently on. Of course the rest of my body is not very happy with it. But hopefully that will not last long.

One of the things that I keep reminding myself of is that God has never abandoned me and He is not going to start now. I also know that He can build something strong and beautiful out of the ashes of disaster.

So I am keeping on ... keeping on. Just one more step forward.

Just Connie

The Joy of Ministry

This past Saturday I spent the day with my fellow pastor and delegates from Free Methodist Churches from across the State at our Annual Conference. There s something about being at Conference that is so very encouraging to me.

The Bishop shares news from headquarters and I am always blessed by the godly depth of our leaders. Our Superintendent as usual was an incredible blessing as he reminded us that it is all about love and reminded us that we are loved as he does every Sunday.

This is one of the few chances I get every year to spend time with my fellow pastors and enjoy the incredible joy that comes form being with them. It lifts my heart and always makes me thankful for those that serve.

The highlight of the entire time is when we receive our church assignments for the year. It is such a holy responsibility to stand before the Lord, to stand before leadership and be entrusted with the joy of ministry. So for the 6th year I have been assigned to Willamina Free Methodist Church, the church that I love, the people  love and the community that I love.

I am so blessed and so very grateful ...

Just Connie

Unexpected Journey ... Next Leg

The journey continues ... almost three weeks ago I had the surgery that is expected to fix the constant round of infections that is making my asthma go crazy. The good news is that the surgery went very well though it went 4 hours long. The bad news is that there is scar tissue developing so they had to go in and scrape it last week and will have to do the same thing this week.

The second bit of bad news is that the surgery has caused my asthma to flare up. I finally went in today and got a steroid shot which should begin to heal the inflammation in my lungs. And things should be getting better in the next couple of days.

So I am slowly beginning to pick up the pieces of normal life again, spending time in the office, watering the garden and even preaching ... which feels very good. I continue to learn and to grow through this time of enforced inactivity. It is so good to feel the love and concern of friends and family, to have the town gather around me and pray for my well being and recovery.

And one of the many things I am learning through this is that love is always the right answer ....

Just Connie

Unexpected Journey - Learning

The unexpected journey continues ... and it is a much longer path than I expected or I wanted. I have now been out of the hospital 2 months and I have just begun my second round of antibiotics since I got out of the hospital.


I have to admit that when I began coughing this time ... I was discouraged. I was so hopeful that the changes in monitoring and in medication would keep me away from this endless round of infections. But I guess what it did do was catch it early before I got very, very sick. And that is an improvement that I am thankful for.


So what to do when discouragement creeps up on me? That is a very good question, because I absolutely do not want to be in this place for very long. I think it will be a matter of focus. Am I only going to focus on what is wrong in my life? Or am I willing to take an honest look at the many things that are right in my life?


That sounds so easy but yet to put into practice it seems so hard. However, I am making the choice to focus on God's blessings and the many good things in my life. I will not let my circumstances define who I am or to choose my attitude.


I am expecting good things ..... God loves me and this journey has much to teach me.


Just Connie

A Family Trait

I was called a nut today. I really could not argue that. But since it was my cousin who said it, I reminded her that it was a family trait.


I grew up in a family that valued laughter and humor. I can remember taking car vacations growing up. My grandmother and I would sit in the back seat and tell horrible jokes to each other. We would laugh and laugh ... everyone else would groan and try to get us to quit.


My family also taught us to be ourselves. That means that I had the freedom to not be forced to conform. I was allowed to be me. It meant that I was allowed to be an athlete, to out perform the boys. It meant as an adult I had the confidence to play racquetball in a men's league. It meant that I could fearlessly follow my call to the ministry because it was an integral piece of who I am.


I am very grateful for a family that allowed me to be a nut, to laugh, to learn and to love lavishly. I am grateful for the laughter that helped connect our hearts together. I will proudly wear my label of "nut". And though my mother tells everyone that I got it from my grandmother and it skipped her generation, I have to say that my mother is a nut too.


It really is a family trait ....


Just Connie

Unexpected Friendships

I took a big step today ... actually a lot of big steps. After months of illness and recovery I finally got to walk around the pond. It was a beautiful afternoon for a walk and it felt so good to be out walking again.


As I walked, I got to chat with friends I have not seen in months. All who wanted to know where I have been over the last months. As I walked I reflected on how wonderful it was to build friendships with unlikely people in unlikely places. The people who greeted me as I walked I would never have met if I had not spent time walking around the pond.


It makes me wonder about all the people I have not met yet, that will become my friends. Because the reality is that potential friends are all around us. They are the strangers in the store, the fishermen at the pond and the repairman who work on my appliances.


I hope that I will be someone who people want to be friends with. Someone who is encouraging and caring. The kind of person that people are drawn to.


Because I can never have too many friends ....


Just Connie

Unexpected Journey - Lessons Learned

Finally ... I feel like this unexpected journey is coming near to completion. My lung function is improving, there are no infections and I am feeling stronger day by day, All of this is very encouraging. I have a Cat scan and an appointment with the pulmonologist this week and I am expecting to hear good things,


I realize that this journey is not over, but I can see the destination in front of me. And as I near the end, I have been reflecting over some of the things that I have learned as I have traveled this path.


First of all, I have learned to ask for help. That was so very hard, even humbling myself to ask for rides to the hospital. What I found was that people were so blessed to be asked and included.


Secondly, I have learned to not count my worth by what I can do physically. I knew that with my brain but my heart really struggled to apply that to me. My worth is found in my relationship with God and that alone defines who I am.


Thirdly, I have been relearning how to say no. There are so many things I could be doing at any given time and people are always willing to fill my schedule for me. I am paring down and focusing on the things that are very important to me.


I realize that the learning is not over. There are still things to learn as I continue on this path. I am hopeful that I can continue to let hope light the way as I continue to follow the twists and turns.


There will be beauty in this journey, I just need to watch for it.


Just Connie

Unexpected Journey - Destination

So this unexpected journey I have been on took another unexpected turn yesterday. Over the last few days I had not been feeling well. My heart was racing, I was weak and shaky and it seemed to be getting worse. So at the urging of my niece I headed to the hospital to see if they could make sense of what was going on.


I was once again amazed at how quickly they got me in bed and hooked up to monitors and IV's. I have to admit that it was not encouraging as they looked at my heart rate and said ... "well that is not good". But after 6 hours of treatment, CT scans and medication my heart rate began to drop.


There were several good things that happened in that 6 hours. First of all there was no pulmonary embolism and my heart was strong and well and doing everything it was supposed to be doing. Well everything except running at twice the rate that it should have been. The final diagnosis was a reaction to the new med I had been put on.


With that good news I came home to continue to recover and gain strength.  I am finding that this journey can get discouraging along the way. The unexpected twists and turns can seem so overwhelming as I walk this path. However, regardless of the discouragement I am choosing to continue to look ahead to the journeys end. I fully expect things to get better because I know that God ultimately holds me in the palm of his hand. God loves me ... he desires good and wonderful things for me.


I just need to not let the journey overcome the destination. There are good things ahead.


Just Connie

Unexpected Journey - Opinions

I have made a discovery through this unexpected journey. Everyone has an opinion of why I am sick. They have ranged from environmental allergens to demonic influence and everything in between. I have tried to deal with each suggestion understanding that the giver of these tidbits of information, have good motives at heart.


However, yesterday I got one that has really outraged me. I received a link to an article on why women should not be in ministry and how God is bringing judgment on my life because of what I am doing. I first of all, was surprised at the person who sent it to me. I would not have thought that they viewed me as outside of God's will. And I was surprised that while affirming love they would send something so incredibly hurtful.


The thing that people seem to forget is that original sin brought sin and death to the world. Sickness is part of the price of the Fall. In the same way that getting the flu is not a sign of moral failure there is no moral implication in my illness. Just because I am sick does not mean that God is unhappy with me. It is part and parcel of living in a fallen world.


So I continue on this journey with new understanding that others might not understand the path that I am on. But really no one has to understand, I just need to be faithful to the call of God on my life and to walk this path in a way that gives honor to God.


Just keep walking .....


Just Connie

Unexpected Journey - Painful

Today this recovery journey is wearing thin. There are so many things I want to do and yet I am so tired and so short of breath. The sun is shining and I want to be outside. There are walks to be taken and flower beds to weed. There are dogs to walk and flowers to smell.


And yet ... here I am in the house taking my breathing treatments and resting. This has been a much longer journey than what I was expecting or hoping for. And really a more painful journey than I have been expecting. More emotionally draining, more physically draining and more isolating than I ever expected.


And though I do want to focus on the things I do not like, I think it is important to identify what is pulling on me. Because then I can begin to reason with that unhappiness and frustration. The reality is that I will not always be in this place. This is a temporary journey and I need to not let go of that. I also need to remember that there are things for me to learn in the pain and the frustration of the here and now.


And sometimes life is harder than we want it to be .... but the thing I know with every fiber of my being is that God is big enough for this. He is big enough for my fear, frustration and pain.


And that makes this journey worthwhile ....


Just Connie

Being a Pastor

I got to spend a day with friends this weekend. I so rarely get to do that. It was a wonderful break from treatment and recovery. We did a little bit of shopping and I actually finally replaced the Bluetooth earpiece I lost on the nightmare drive home from Northern Washington the day before I went into the hospital. We had a wonderful dinner together and then went to see the movie "God's Not Dead".


The movie was interesting. It was not the best actors and some might even call some of the movie cheesy but overall I was glad I had watched it and it left me with a very positive feeling. I do recommend it as being worthwhile to watch.


One of the things that bothered me was that the pastor was depicted as being rather uninvolved and uncaring. It seemed that he spent lot of time doing stuff but was not very well connected spiritually. Pastors so often get a bad rap I was disappointed that they fell back on the stereotype when the pastorate is so much more.


For me to serve as a pastor is life and breath ... it is not about the "stuff" it is about the people. It is about making a difference and leaving lives and community better and stronger. It is about reflecting the love of God in everything I do and everything I am. it is about bringing the Scriptures alive to live ion the hearts of God's people. I have said it before ... being a pastor is the best and the hardest job in the world.


And there is nothing else I would rather be doing.


Just Connie

Unexpected Journey - Right Where I Am

Recovery continues and I am absolutely amazed at how much of my time and energy go into this unexpected journey. I have to admit that I am not always content at where I am finding myself, especially right now when it seems like I have lost ground.


But I am really trying hard to not focus on what is wrong. There is already so much of me that is consumed with it, I do not want to give any more time, energy and thought to it than it already demands. But I am finding that rather challenging to be honest.


And I find that ... well a bit disappointing. I am a world class optimist and I wonder why it is so hard to stay positive as I fight my way down this difficult path. I know what I would tell those I counsel. I would say "The physical affects the mental". Besides being in the midst of recovery, the massive amount of drugs and chemicals that I am putting into my body are also taking a toll. But yet I find it hard to give myself much leeway on this.


Perhaps it is time to embrace this experience right where I am. That does not mean that I will give up looking ahead and seeing myself strong and healthy, it means that I will stop beating myself up for being where I am.


And that sounds like a pretty good idea ....


Just Connie

Rats!

Rats! After a couple of weeks of somewhat steady progress the last few days I was going back down. My lung function was going down, I was coughing, congested and just not feeling well. So I drug my unwilling self into see my doctor.


After a long and often entertaining visit with my doctor, I am back on steroids, cough meds (2) and a additional med for my stomach. I am coughing less this morning and I am thinking this will be enough to get back  the road to healing.


I have to admit that sometimes I fear that this will be my life ... that they will never be able to completely beat this inflammation. That I will spend my life monitoring my lungs, on steroids and fighting a series of infections. But yet I realize that if I pitch my tent and decide to camp in this valley of fear that I will lose the joy and discovery of the rest of the journey.


So knowing that this is not where I want to be, I am once again asking myself how to not stay in my fear. Here are some of the things that are on heart.

• I need to keep focused on what God is saying to me
• I need people praying for me
• I need to embrace optimism
• I need to develop a life beyond my treatments and current limitations

I need to listen as God whispers purpose, hope and direction to me. I need share openly with the people around me so that they can pray meaningfully for me. I need to focus on what is uplifting, positive and hopeful as I continue to heal and look to my future. I also need to develop my interests and activities that will build me up so that my life is not just about treatment.


There is so much more ahead ...


Just Connie

April Fools Day

This is what greeted me when I opened my office today. Everywhere I looked there was the face of the young lady who does the bulletin for me every week. A variety of expressions ... all of them silly ... and all of them wonderful.


I have to admit that I have always loved April Fools Day but have not had the chance to prank people in the last 10 years or so. But my family can tell you a whole list of pranks I played on them over the years. One of my favorites was the year I switched all the drawers in my mom's kitchen around. It was so handy they were all the same size. And it was the gift that kept giving until she finally got them all switched back around a couple of weeks later.


Every time I looked up today and saw this wonderful prank I laughed as I looked around my office. In fact I enjoyed them so much that I left them up today. It made me feel ... well loved.


And that is a pretty good feeling ...


Just Connie

I Love My Dog

I love my dog ... I love my dog ... I am telling myself that over and over again because she just threw up on my bed! It was one of those classic .."Oh no!" moments. It did not take me long to discover that I needed to strip off both comforters and the sheets and air the mattress. All the way to the  washing machine I was saying ..." I love my dog, I love my dog". Hope Puppy of course was totally oblivious to either my distress of my disgust.


I am now in the midst of what will be about 4-5 hours of washing. Then of course everything has to be put back onto the bed. I am exhausted just thinking about it.


I love my dog ... I love my dog ....


Just Connie

Unexpected Journey - Ups and Downs

Up and down ... up and down ... that has been my last week. My lung function is up again today and that is encouraging. The doctor bills have begun to come in and that is really discouraging. The pile that came today were somewhat startling .. my portion was just under $2,000. And that is just for the doctors. My hospital bill has not come in yet. I have a feeling that I do not want to see that.


I am trying to figure out how to set up payments for 5 different medical creditors. Payments that they will actually accept. It looks like this will be a long process.


So ... how to keep from getting discouraged and overwhelmed? First of all I need to remember that God is sufficient for this. I need to keep my eyes on the future and refuse to let discouragement reign.


God will bring me through ...


Just Connie

Unexpected Journey - Encouraged

After being so discouraged this weekend my lungs just tested at 80%! A good reminder to me that healing can be happening even when you are not aware of it.


It is amazing to me how I have taken my lungs for granted and how horrible it is when you cannot breathe. It makes everything so much harder and the struggle is exhausting. I think I will come out of this journey with a new appreciation of my body and especially my lungs and how important they are.


I realize that my lung function will fluctuate throughout the day ... but this is by far the best it has been in a month ... and that is so very encouraging.


And encouraged is a good place to be ...


Just Connie

Unexpected Journey - Hope

One step forward and two steps back ... I am not feeling very well today. I am congested, my lung function is down and I am tired, tired, tired. And feeling frustrated at the rate of this journey.


I can not ever remember not bouncing back easily from any illness. I am just not moving forward as much or as fast as I expected to. I cannot think of anything else I can do to move this process ahead. I seem to be doing everything that I have been told to do. And yet .... things are still lagging.


I was really hoping by now I would be able to begin to be working on stamina and walking every day. But I am find it much to hard to breath to do any real exercising. And that is no fun at all.


So ... I will continue doing what I am doing and keep expecting better results. because hope is always the right choice.


Just Connie

Unexpected Journey - The Process

I spent about 3 hours at the church today working on reports for the denomination and running off a few things for tonight's board meeting. I have to admit that by the end of that time I was exhausted. I came home and crawled into bed and slept for two hours.


I guess it is a good reminder that I still have a long ways to go on this unexpected journey. I wish it was a faster easier process but it is not. Soooo I will take the time to rest and try to make very good choices.


You would think that it would be a lot easier to make good choices ... but there is so much that I want to do. There are so many deadlines staring at me right now. But I am not willing to jeopardize this journey to get some things done.


So I will rest, take whatever time I need and keep moving ahead. I need to keep reminding myself that it is all about the journey, not the destination.


it is all about the journey ....


Just Connie

The Hard Thing

I spent a few hours working  today. It was one of those community jobs that I really, really did not want to do. But yet it needed to be done and when I was asked I said yes. They had been patiently waiting for me to get back to work. But it really could not wait any longer.


So I took a deep breath and did what needed to be done. Yet I have to admit that it hurt my heart. I found myself struggling with tears several times through the morning. By early afternoon I was exhausted and so ready to come home and curl up into bed.


I have been reflecting on the events of the morning and several things have occurred to me.

• First I am honored to be entrusted to do something that was so important and so sensitive.
• Secondly, I am grateful for the gifts and skills that allow me to serve the community.
• Thirdly, my heart breaks when people are wounded.
• Fourthly, sometimes service comes with a price.

So often my service to others brings me great joy, but there are those times such as today when there is a price. Today's price was both in the pain it brought me and the exhaustion it brought. However, the price is worth it ... to do the right thing ... to do a hard thing that benefits others is more than worth that price.


Tonight I am thankful to have this done and behind me. And I am thinking that thankful ... is a good place to be.


Just Connie

Unexpected Journey - The Doctor

I looked with chagrin at my specialist as I listened to him. This was not what I was hoping to hear at all. I was trying to process what he was saying to me and put that into the context of the next month or so. I was hoping for answers that were more along the line of ... stop malingering and get back to work. Instead this is some of what he said to me.

• My lungs are healing
• My lungs are not healed enough to do some of the testing he wants to do
• I need to begin vitamin D to help with lung health
• I need a different maintenance medication for the long term
• I need allergy testing since mine is over 30 years old
• I need to change the delivery method of my inhaler
• There is no guarantee that I will recover back to my "norm"
• I can slowly begin to add activity back into my schedule
• I need to carefully monitor my lung function every day
• I need a tiered treatment plan that is based on my daily lung function tests
• The hoarseness should go away as my lungs heal
• Rest, recover and heal

So it looks like I have some hard work ahead. The kind of hard work that I find much more difficult than physical labor. I have always been more of an advocate of the "walk it off" school of treatment. All of this is ... well ... complicated.


But I am striving hard for a good attitude and the willingness to do whatever needs to happen. because I guess the reality is that I do not have much choice. This is my reality and I need to embrace it, learn from it and keep moving ahead.


And I guess as long as I keep moving ahead .... it is all good.


Just Connie

Unexpected Journey - Home

There is no place like home .... and that is very true for me. This unexpected journey I have been on has reminded me of how very grateful I am for a home of my own. The feeling of coming home from the hospital to my own space was an incredible feeling.


This journey has also reminded me of how thankful I am for a childhood home. A place that still feels like home. After spending a week healing at my parents place I have a renewed appreciation of a haven to escape to.


I enjoyed the chance to walk around the property and remember a truly wonderful childhood and reflect on how blessed I was and how blessed I still am.


And blessed is a good place to be ....


Just Connie

Unexpected Journey - Violets

When I was a little girl I planted violets at my parents house. Every spring they faithfully push their way up through the moss. I took a stroll around my parents property today and was so blessed by the carpets of violets.


There are so many wonderful memories everywhere I walked today. Trees that I climbed, places I built forts .. and of course the trails heading off into the forest where I spent so many hours hiking and roaming.


I was glad for the chance to  reflect and remember today. It is one of the many ways that this unexpected journey has had unexpected blessings.


And blessings are a very good thing indeed ...


Just Connie

Unexpectd Journey - Unexpected Gifts

I did something I do not get to do very often. I attended a family birthday party. Of course I was only able to attend because I have been staying with mom and dad while I have been recuperating. I also had to take a breathing treatment and take a nap while I was there ... but I was there.


It was so much fun to see all of our new babies running around and how my nieces and nephews are building their own families. I just cannot  believe that so much time has passed since they were running around as babies.


I also enjoyed seeing my sister with all of her family and friends around her. She was doing what she does so well and so graciously. It is amazing to watch her.


So this unexpected journey that I am on, is also giving me some gifts that I would not normally get to experience. It reminds me to not get so focused on what I do not have right now, that I miss the blessings that are there.


I guess .... I need to look ...


Just Connie

Unexpected Journey - Stages

One step forward and two steps back ... that is what it has felt like today. I have been worn out, tired and breathless much of the day. However I did go with my mother to the store and even took a walk down the road this afternoon. I also took a two hour nap and have spent the evening curled up on the couch with Hope Puppy.


I am hoping that tomorrow will be better and I will feel stronger. I can feel the clock ticking and I am not nearly as far along on this recovery as I would like to be. But it is what it is ... I just need to keep looking ahead and not get discouraged along the path.


This journey seems to take some dips and turns that I am not really prepared for ... but yet ... here I am. I will rest, I will learn, I will give thanks for where I am.


I guess that is plenty for this stage of the journey.


Just Connie

Unexpected Journey - First Walk

My Childhood Home

I took my first outside walk today. Spring has sprung while I have been down and today is actually the first day of spring. It felt so good to be outside and smell the wonderful fresh air and see all the flowers.


There is something about being home that just blesses my heart. I have found that you are never too old to need your mommy when you are sick. I am very grateful that they brought me here to recuperate and rest.


So much of my life I live away from my family that this is a rare treat. Today blessed me and reminded me that I am loved and cared for. I have family around to support and help me and that is a very precious gift.


And that feels .... well wonderful!


Just Connie

Unexpected Journey - Serenity

I have spent the day drowsing, reading and watching TV. I have to admit that this is not really " my kind of day" but it is probably exactly the kind of day I need right now. I have so many things that I need to be doing right now, that I have to admit to feeling a bit of frustration. I have taxes to pull together, an annual report that is past due to the denomination and am issue at the fire hall that I am in the midst of. and yet there is no way for me to actually do any of these things right now.


So I guess it really comes down to the serenity prayer ....

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And wisdom to know the difference.

I need to focus on what I can actually do right now and I guess that would be resting and healing. The rest will eventually sort itself out. Focus ....

It seems like it should be so much easier ...

Just Connie