Rest Day

This has been a rest day for me. I have slept and slept and slept some more. Tomorrow will be a full day so I am gad for the chance to get caught up a bit. I have been flying all week until the stomach bug yesterday brought me to a screeching halt.

I am still a little headachy but my stomach has calmed down. I am very thankful for it. I have heard from a couple of my neighbors who were checking on me because they had not seen me in a while. it is really nice to have people that care enough to check up on me. It is a very good feeling. I love Willamina.

On the flip side I got a phone call last night about 11:00pm. I was sleeping so I just rolled over and answered it instead of checking my caller ID. Boy was I sorry. It was my husband and he was very drunk. And he was missing me. So he was crying and telling me what a good woman I am and that he never meant to hurt me. As if I was not sick enough at that point, it just made me sicker It is very hard to find soft words that do not say very much. I do not want to throw fuel on the fire and I do not want to say something he might misinterpret. At one point last night I finally said to him, “I do not want to go there with you tonight.” I tried to bring a graceful end to the conversation but he did not want to let go. I finally told him I was tired and needed to say goodbye and was able to end the conversation. But I laid there for a long time, and ran the conversation over and over in my mind.

I find it so distressing to be confronted with the reality of his drinking day after day. My heart hurts for the pain he is experiencing. Yet I realize that I cannot fix this for him. The hurt eats away at me. I have got to find a better way to draw firmer boundaries with him. I wrote the letter earlier in the week asking him to not call if he has been drinking. (I do not think he has read yet) I try to screen my calls but it does not work every time like last night and I still have to work with the drunken messages he leaves. I do not know what else to do. I feel like I am being crushed under the constant barrage.

I think I might need to seek out some counsel and see if they can help me navigate through this quagmire. There must be a better way to handle this than I have found. I will search for some wisdom. I think I cannot do this alone.

“Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed” Proverbs 15:22

Just Connie