Waiting

This morning Mom and Dad and I headed for the hospital so that Dad could have an MRA. It is a test that pinpoints the arteries in his neck which is where the doctors are concerned about possible blockages. Tomorrow morning we will go to the vascular surgeon to get the results of the MRA.

It is rather strange to be in this in between time. We were all geared up and ready for the open heart surgery and now we are in limbo as we wait to find out whether Dad will need to have surgery to prepare him for the open heart surgery. So we wait … family members have been dropping in today and the phone has rung constantly. Tomorrow the whole family gathers here at Mom and Dad’s for dinner and the latest news. It is a wonderful thing to have such a strong family system of support and love. When one of us is hurt the whole family bleeds.

One of the phone calls that came in today was from my husband. I was touched that he called to see how Dad was doing. I would have been more touched if he had been sober. But I am trying to accept his care and concern without expectations. But I have to admit that I am finding it very difficult to do that. I find that I am swept by a strong sense of grief and loss. I have such a strong desire to see him freed from the bondage and ravages of alcohol. I grieve for the damage he is doing to his mind and body. When I face the reality of his drinking I grieve for everything we have so needlessly lost.

So here I am tonight … grieved … waiting … and a bit lonely. But as I look around the room, I have one dog curled up on the couch next to me, one dog is curled up on the floor by my feet and Bubba Bunny is curled up next to him. The baseball game is on and Mom and Dad are rooting on the Mariners. It is a reminder that I am not alone.

“7For none of us lives to himself alone and none of us dies to himself alone. 8If we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.” Romans 14:7-8

Regardless of what my emotions tell me, I am not waiting alone.

Just Connie