Disapointed

Another Dr's visit today ... it was not as encouraging as I would have liked. He is trying me on an antibiotic hoping that there is an atypical baterial pneumonia that is exacerbating the problem. He is only giving me to Monday to improve and then he is sending me to a pulmonologist.

That was discouraging but what really took the wind out of my sails is when he told me that  he was not sure I would be able to leave on vacation on the 4th. My first real vacation in over 10 years. I have been so excited about it and busy planning our routes and the things we would see. I sat there and teared up and I knew that I had no words to describe why it was so important to me.

The last time I went on vacation was an unmitigated disaster. My husband fell "off the wagon" got furious when I objected and drove me 10 hours home and deposited me on the doorstep while he rode off into the sunset. He was gone 8 months that time. I have not been on another vacation since. I have taken a week here and there to go backpacking but have never used up my vacation time.

This year I was determined to use vacation time, replace some bad memories and enjoy some time with my parents. The plan I came up with was to drive with my parents in very easy stages to Arizona to see my brother in law who I have not seen much of since my sister passed away. It just seemed like a win/win scenario for all of us. My mother and I have been pouring over trip planners and have lots of fun things mapped out.

I am usually pretty good at going with the flow. But I am struggling with this. I am sick, tired and discouraged and I know that influences what I am feeling today and colors my perception.

I think I need to rest knowing that God knows my heart and he is big enough for even this ....

Just Connie