I was called a nut today. I really could not argue that. But since it was my cousin who said it, I reminded her that it was a family trait.
I grew up in a family that valued laughter and humor. I can remember taking car vacations growing up. My grandmother and I would sit in the back seat and tell horrible jokes to each other. We would laugh and laugh ... everyone else would groan and try to get us to quit.
My family also taught us to be ourselves. That means that I had the freedom to not be forced to conform. I was allowed to be me. It meant that I was allowed to be an athlete, to out perform the boys. It meant as an adult I had the confidence to play racquetball in a men's league. It meant that I could fearlessly follow my call to the ministry because it was an integral piece of who I am.
I am very grateful for a family that allowed me to be a nut, to laugh, to learn and to love lavishly. I am grateful for the laughter that helped connect our hearts together. I will proudly wear my label of "nut". And though my mother tells everyone that I got it from my grandmother and it skipped her generation, I have to say that my mother is a nut too.
It really is a family trait ....
Just Connie
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
Monday, April 28, 2014
Unexpected Friendships
I took a big step today ... actually a lot of big steps. After months of illness and recovery I finally got to walk around the pond. It was a beautiful afternoon for a walk and it felt so good to be out walking again.
As I walked, I got to chat with friends I have not seen in months. All who wanted to know where I have been over the last months. As I walked I reflected on how wonderful it was to build friendships with unlikely people in unlikely places. The people who greeted me as I walked I would never have met if I had not spent time walking around the pond.
It makes me wonder about all the people I have not met yet, that will become my friends. Because the reality is that potential friends are all around us. They are the strangers in the store, the fishermen at the pond and the repairman who work on my appliances.
I hope that I will be someone who people want to be friends with. Someone who is encouraging and caring. The kind of person that people are drawn to.
Because I can never have too many friends ....
Just Connie
As I walked, I got to chat with friends I have not seen in months. All who wanted to know where I have been over the last months. As I walked I reflected on how wonderful it was to build friendships with unlikely people in unlikely places. The people who greeted me as I walked I would never have met if I had not spent time walking around the pond.
It makes me wonder about all the people I have not met yet, that will become my friends. Because the reality is that potential friends are all around us. They are the strangers in the store, the fishermen at the pond and the repairman who work on my appliances.
I hope that I will be someone who people want to be friends with. Someone who is encouraging and caring. The kind of person that people are drawn to.
Because I can never have too many friends ....
Just Connie
Saturday, April 26, 2014
Unexpected Journey - Lessons Learned
Finally ... I feel like this unexpected journey is coming near to completion. My lung function is improving, there are no infections and I am feeling stronger day by day, All of this is very encouraging. I have a Cat scan and an appointment with the pulmonologist this week and I am expecting to hear good things,
I realize that this journey is not over, but I can see the destination in front of me. And as I near the end, I have been reflecting over some of the things that I have learned as I have traveled this path.
First of all, I have learned to ask for help. That was so very hard, even humbling myself to ask for rides to the hospital. What I found was that people were so blessed to be asked and included.
Secondly, I have learned to not count my worth by what I can do physically. I knew that with my brain but my heart really struggled to apply that to me. My worth is found in my relationship with God and that alone defines who I am.
Thirdly, I have been relearning how to say no. There are so many things I could be doing at any given time and people are always willing to fill my schedule for me. I am paring down and focusing on the things that are very important to me.
I realize that the learning is not over. There are still things to learn as I continue on this path. I am hopeful that I can continue to let hope light the way as I continue to follow the twists and turns.
There will be beauty in this journey, I just need to watch for it.
Just Connie
I realize that this journey is not over, but I can see the destination in front of me. And as I near the end, I have been reflecting over some of the things that I have learned as I have traveled this path.
First of all, I have learned to ask for help. That was so very hard, even humbling myself to ask for rides to the hospital. What I found was that people were so blessed to be asked and included.
Secondly, I have learned to not count my worth by what I can do physically. I knew that with my brain but my heart really struggled to apply that to me. My worth is found in my relationship with God and that alone defines who I am.
Thirdly, I have been relearning how to say no. There are so many things I could be doing at any given time and people are always willing to fill my schedule for me. I am paring down and focusing on the things that are very important to me.
I realize that the learning is not over. There are still things to learn as I continue on this path. I am hopeful that I can continue to let hope light the way as I continue to follow the twists and turns.
There will be beauty in this journey, I just need to watch for it.
Just Connie
Monday, April 14, 2014
Unexpected Journey - Destination
So this unexpected journey I have been on took another unexpected turn yesterday. Over the last few days I had not been feeling well. My heart was racing, I was weak and shaky and it seemed to be getting worse. So at the urging of my niece I headed to the hospital to see if they could make sense of what was going on.
I was once again amazed at how quickly they got me in bed and hooked up to monitors and IV's. I have to admit that it was not encouraging as they looked at my heart rate and said ... "well that is not good". But after 6 hours of treatment, CT scans and medication my heart rate began to drop.
There were several good things that happened in that 6 hours. First of all there was no pulmonary embolism and my heart was strong and well and doing everything it was supposed to be doing. Well everything except running at twice the rate that it should have been. The final diagnosis was a reaction to the new med I had been put on.
With that good news I came home to continue to recover and gain strength. I am finding that this journey can get discouraging along the way. The unexpected twists and turns can seem so overwhelming as I walk this path. However, regardless of the discouragement I am choosing to continue to look ahead to the journeys end. I fully expect things to get better because I know that God ultimately holds me in the palm of his hand. God loves me ... he desires good and wonderful things for me.
I just need to not let the journey overcome the destination. There are good things ahead.
Just Connie
I was once again amazed at how quickly they got me in bed and hooked up to monitors and IV's. I have to admit that it was not encouraging as they looked at my heart rate and said ... "well that is not good". But after 6 hours of treatment, CT scans and medication my heart rate began to drop.
There were several good things that happened in that 6 hours. First of all there was no pulmonary embolism and my heart was strong and well and doing everything it was supposed to be doing. Well everything except running at twice the rate that it should have been. The final diagnosis was a reaction to the new med I had been put on.
With that good news I came home to continue to recover and gain strength. I am finding that this journey can get discouraging along the way. The unexpected twists and turns can seem so overwhelming as I walk this path. However, regardless of the discouragement I am choosing to continue to look ahead to the journeys end. I fully expect things to get better because I know that God ultimately holds me in the palm of his hand. God loves me ... he desires good and wonderful things for me.
I just need to not let the journey overcome the destination. There are good things ahead.
Just Connie
Saturday, April 12, 2014
Unexpected Journey - Opinions
I have made a discovery through this unexpected journey. Everyone has an opinion of why I am sick. They have ranged from environmental allergens to demonic influence and everything in between. I have tried to deal with each suggestion understanding that the giver of these tidbits of information, have good motives at heart.
However, yesterday I got one that has really outraged me. I received a link to an article on why women should not be in ministry and how God is bringing judgment on my life because of what I am doing. I first of all, was surprised at the person who sent it to me. I would not have thought that they viewed me as outside of God's will. And I was surprised that while affirming love they would send something so incredibly hurtful.
The thing that people seem to forget is that original sin brought sin and death to the world. Sickness is part of the price of the Fall. In the same way that getting the flu is not a sign of moral failure there is no moral implication in my illness. Just because I am sick does not mean that God is unhappy with me. It is part and parcel of living in a fallen world.
So I continue on this journey with new understanding that others might not understand the path that I am on. But really no one has to understand, I just need to be faithful to the call of God on my life and to walk this path in a way that gives honor to God.
Just keep walking .....
Just Connie
However, yesterday I got one that has really outraged me. I received a link to an article on why women should not be in ministry and how God is bringing judgment on my life because of what I am doing. I first of all, was surprised at the person who sent it to me. I would not have thought that they viewed me as outside of God's will. And I was surprised that while affirming love they would send something so incredibly hurtful.
The thing that people seem to forget is that original sin brought sin and death to the world. Sickness is part of the price of the Fall. In the same way that getting the flu is not a sign of moral failure there is no moral implication in my illness. Just because I am sick does not mean that God is unhappy with me. It is part and parcel of living in a fallen world.
So I continue on this journey with new understanding that others might not understand the path that I am on. But really no one has to understand, I just need to be faithful to the call of God on my life and to walk this path in a way that gives honor to God.
Just keep walking .....
Just Connie
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
Unexpected Journey - Painful
Today this recovery journey is wearing thin. There are so many things I want to do and yet I am so tired and so short of breath. The sun is shining and I want to be outside. There are walks to be taken and flower beds to weed. There are dogs to walk and flowers to smell.
And yet ... here I am in the house taking my breathing treatments and resting. This has been a much longer journey than what I was expecting or hoping for. And really a more painful journey than I have been expecting. More emotionally draining, more physically draining and more isolating than I ever expected.
And though I do want to focus on the things I do not like, I think it is important to identify what is pulling on me. Because then I can begin to reason with that unhappiness and frustration. The reality is that I will not always be in this place. This is a temporary journey and I need to not let go of that. I also need to remember that there are things for me to learn in the pain and the frustration of the here and now.
And sometimes life is harder than we want it to be .... but the thing I know with every fiber of my being is that God is big enough for this. He is big enough for my fear, frustration and pain.
And that makes this journey worthwhile ....
Just Connie
And yet ... here I am in the house taking my breathing treatments and resting. This has been a much longer journey than what I was expecting or hoping for. And really a more painful journey than I have been expecting. More emotionally draining, more physically draining and more isolating than I ever expected.
And though I do want to focus on the things I do not like, I think it is important to identify what is pulling on me. Because then I can begin to reason with that unhappiness and frustration. The reality is that I will not always be in this place. This is a temporary journey and I need to not let go of that. I also need to remember that there are things for me to learn in the pain and the frustration of the here and now.
And sometimes life is harder than we want it to be .... but the thing I know with every fiber of my being is that God is big enough for this. He is big enough for my fear, frustration and pain.
And that makes this journey worthwhile ....
Just Connie
Monday, April 7, 2014
Being a Pastor
I got to spend a day with friends this weekend. I so rarely get to do that. It was a wonderful break from treatment and recovery. We did a little bit of shopping and I actually finally replaced the Bluetooth earpiece I lost on the nightmare drive home from Northern Washington the day before I went into the hospital. We had a wonderful dinner together and then went to see the movie "God's Not Dead".
The movie was interesting. It was not the best actors and some might even call some of the movie cheesy but overall I was glad I had watched it and it left me with a very positive feeling. I do recommend it as being worthwhile to watch.
One of the things that bothered me was that the pastor was depicted as being rather uninvolved and uncaring. It seemed that he spent lot of time doing stuff but was not very well connected spiritually. Pastors so often get a bad rap I was disappointed that they fell back on the stereotype when the pastorate is so much more.
For me to serve as a pastor is life and breath ... it is not about the "stuff" it is about the people. It is about making a difference and leaving lives and community better and stronger. It is about reflecting the love of God in everything I do and everything I am. it is about bringing the Scriptures alive to live ion the hearts of God's people. I have said it before ... being a pastor is the best and the hardest job in the world.
And there is nothing else I would rather be doing.
Just Connie
The movie was interesting. It was not the best actors and some might even call some of the movie cheesy but overall I was glad I had watched it and it left me with a very positive feeling. I do recommend it as being worthwhile to watch.
One of the things that bothered me was that the pastor was depicted as being rather uninvolved and uncaring. It seemed that he spent lot of time doing stuff but was not very well connected spiritually. Pastors so often get a bad rap I was disappointed that they fell back on the stereotype when the pastorate is so much more.
For me to serve as a pastor is life and breath ... it is not about the "stuff" it is about the people. It is about making a difference and leaving lives and community better and stronger. It is about reflecting the love of God in everything I do and everything I am. it is about bringing the Scriptures alive to live ion the hearts of God's people. I have said it before ... being a pastor is the best and the hardest job in the world.
And there is nothing else I would rather be doing.
Just Connie
Sunday, April 6, 2014
Unexpected Journey - Right Where I Am
Recovery continues and I am absolutely amazed at how much of my time and energy go into this unexpected journey. I have to admit that I am not always content at where I am finding myself, especially right now when it seems like I have lost ground.
But I am really trying hard to not focus on what is wrong. There is already so much of me that is consumed with it, I do not want to give any more time, energy and thought to it than it already demands. But I am finding that rather challenging to be honest.
And I find that ... well a bit disappointing. I am a world class optimist and I wonder why it is so hard to stay positive as I fight my way down this difficult path. I know what I would tell those I counsel. I would say "The physical affects the mental". Besides being in the midst of recovery, the massive amount of drugs and chemicals that I am putting into my body are also taking a toll. But yet I find it hard to give myself much leeway on this.
Perhaps it is time to embrace this experience right where I am. That does not mean that I will give up looking ahead and seeing myself strong and healthy, it means that I will stop beating myself up for being where I am.
And that sounds like a pretty good idea ....
Just Connie
But I am really trying hard to not focus on what is wrong. There is already so much of me that is consumed with it, I do not want to give any more time, energy and thought to it than it already demands. But I am finding that rather challenging to be honest.
And I find that ... well a bit disappointing. I am a world class optimist and I wonder why it is so hard to stay positive as I fight my way down this difficult path. I know what I would tell those I counsel. I would say "The physical affects the mental". Besides being in the midst of recovery, the massive amount of drugs and chemicals that I am putting into my body are also taking a toll. But yet I find it hard to give myself much leeway on this.
Perhaps it is time to embrace this experience right where I am. That does not mean that I will give up looking ahead and seeing myself strong and healthy, it means that I will stop beating myself up for being where I am.
And that sounds like a pretty good idea ....
Just Connie
Friday, April 4, 2014
Rats!
Rats! After a couple of weeks of somewhat steady progress the last few days I was going back down. My lung function was going down, I was coughing, congested and just not feeling well. So I drug my unwilling self into see my doctor.
After a long and often entertaining visit with my doctor, I am back on steroids, cough meds (2) and a additional med for my stomach. I am coughing less this morning and I am thinking this will be enough to get back the road to healing.
I have to admit that sometimes I fear that this will be my life ... that they will never be able to completely beat this inflammation. That I will spend my life monitoring my lungs, on steroids and fighting a series of infections. But yet I realize that if I pitch my tent and decide to camp in this valley of fear that I will lose the joy and discovery of the rest of the journey.
So knowing that this is not where I want to be, I am once again asking myself how to not stay in my fear. Here are some of the things that are on heart.
There is so much more ahead ...
Just Connie
After a long and often entertaining visit with my doctor, I am back on steroids, cough meds (2) and a additional med for my stomach. I am coughing less this morning and I am thinking this will be enough to get back the road to healing.
I have to admit that sometimes I fear that this will be my life ... that they will never be able to completely beat this inflammation. That I will spend my life monitoring my lungs, on steroids and fighting a series of infections. But yet I realize that if I pitch my tent and decide to camp in this valley of fear that I will lose the joy and discovery of the rest of the journey.
So knowing that this is not where I want to be, I am once again asking myself how to not stay in my fear. Here are some of the things that are on heart.
- I need to keep focused on what God is saying to me
- I need people praying for me
- I need to embrace optimism
- I need to develop a life beyond my treatments and current limitations
There is so much more ahead ...
Just Connie
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
April Fools Day
This is what greeted me when I opened my office today. Everywhere I looked there was the face of the young lady who does the bulletin for me every week. A variety of expressions ... all of them silly ... and all of them wonderful.
I have to admit that I have always loved April Fools Day but have not had the chance to prank people in the last 10 years or so. But my family can tell you a whole list of pranks I played on them over the years. One of my favorites was the year I switched all the drawers in my mom's kitchen around. It was so handy they were all the same size. And it was the gift that kept giving until she finally got them all switched back around a couple of weeks later.
Every time I looked up today and saw this wonderful prank I laughed as I looked around my office. In fact I enjoyed them so much that I left them up today. It made me feel ... well loved.
And that is a pretty good feeling ...
Just Connie
I Love My Dog
I love my dog ... I love my dog ... I am telling myself that over and over again because she just threw up on my bed! It was one of those classic .."Oh no!" moments. It did not take me long to discover that I needed to strip off both comforters and the sheets and air the mattress. All the way to the washing machine I was saying ..." I love my dog, I love my dog". Hope Puppy of course was totally oblivious to either my distress of my disgust.
I am now in the midst of what will be about 4-5 hours of washing. Then of course everything has to be put back onto the bed. I am exhausted just thinking about it.
I love my dog ... I love my dog ....
Just Connie
I am now in the midst of what will be about 4-5 hours of washing. Then of course everything has to be put back onto the bed. I am exhausted just thinking about it.
I love my dog ... I love my dog ....
Just Connie
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