With a busy Saturday stretching ahead of me, I hopped out of bed at 6am and got ready for my day. By 8am I was loading the car and heading to the doctors office. The current plan to help keep inflammation down in my lungs and sinus is to get a couple of steroid shots a week. Right now I get them on two consecutive days and then wait four days to start the process again. That means that on Monday and Tuesday I received shots and today on Saturday morning I was due again.
I am very fortunate to have a dr who is willing to meet me on weekends to give me a shot or to send me with orders to the fire station for a shot. Tomorrow I will probably head to the Fire Station after church and give my poor Dr one day this week he does not have to see me.
Jumping back in the car I headed back to Willamina for the Men's Ministry Meeting. I always enjoy my time with them and I had missed the last few meetings because of illness or trips. So it was especially good to be with them today. As we laughed and planned, I was struck by how much I had missed being with them. I think one of the best things that happened to me as pastor was when they made me an honorary man soon after my appointment as pastor. I have never had a church do that, but it has been a great relationship.
Following the meeting I headed home to pick up Hope Puppy and head out to Dan and Clara's farm to pick strawberries. I always enjoy being with them and I came back with enough strawberries for a couple of batches of jam. So I know what I will be doing tomorrow afternoon ... Making jam. Since I just used my last jar of jam, the berries came at a good time.
Arriving back home I did a little bit of clean up, made lunch, put dinner in the crock pot and laid down for a deeply desired nap.... That did not go so well. I had four phone calls and a pile of text messages. I finally got up, checked on dinner and laid on the couch and read. Seeing my neighbor out throwing the ball for Hope Puppy, I wandered outside and chatted with him about some upcoming projects he is helping me with. I also told him how much I need a tree fort in my tree. He laughed as we talked about where I could put it.
Eventually I wandered in the house, watched a couple of movies (Sci Fi of course) had dinner and went to bed early. We here I have been for the last three hours. Days I get steroid shots are scarce on sleep. I finally got up and straightened up the kitchen and finally wandered back to bed.
And that has been my day so far.... A good day ... a fairly relaxing day after a week of frenetic activity.
It is good to have one of those every once in a while ... I think I was due.
Just Connie
Saturday, May 28, 2016
Thursday, May 26, 2016
Being There
I was just signing into the prison when the call came in. And suddenly the planned morning of a drill with the prison staff was gone as all of our pagers went off. Running for the engine I jumped in and buckled up as we made our way to a suspected drug overdose with lights and sirens parting the way ahead.
With the police directing us in we grabbed gear and raced into the house to find the deputy doing CPR. Quickly taking over the team set up monitors and the AED as they fought to save the young man's life. With everything inside being handled, I walked out to comfort the victim's brother who was crouched on the ground sobbing. Over the next 20 minutes I listened for the sounds that would indicate that there had been any response to CPR as I knelt on the ground giving what comfort I could to a broken hearted brother. When the news came that the victim could not be revived, my eyes filled with tears as I remembered the moment I was told that my sister had died. My heart broke for him as I thought about the hard road that would lay ahead for he and his family.
As I knelt in the dirt I was stricken with the senseless loss of this young man's life. Stricken with the brokenness and heartache that was in store for his parents and family as they were given the news. Stricken with knowing there was little I could do to alleviate the pain the brother was now experiencing. All I could do is kneel in the dirt, wrap my arms around his shoulders and grieve with him.
As I have thought about it, I guess that is really all we are called to do. To be there, to offer love and compassion and to let them know that they are not alone. Because when it comes right down to it, everything else is God's job. And I have to be willing to give Him room to work.
I just need to be there ....
Just Connie
Wednesday, May 25, 2016
A Fairly Normal Day
Sometimes a normal day for me is complicated and I have too much stuff being juggled to get it done. Today was a good example of that. But is always try to make people more important than my tasks.
I jumped out of bed at 4:45am. Well jump might be generous, since I am on steroids, I only clocked a couple of hours of sleep. I pulled my protesting body out of bed at 4:45 am and head to yoga class. My lung function was down some more but I wa fully expecting to see an upswing throughout the day.
Wrapping up my yoga class, I drove home, showered and dressed for the day, fixed breakfast and threw in a load of wash. From there I headed to the church where I prepared the Chamber of Commerce minutes for the next morning and then began my online class again. In the midst of the class I had a phone counseling session with a parishioner. I had no sooner got that finished when my first appointment showed up. Spending an hour with one of my ministerial students is s joy and as I prayed with them, I was filled with gratitude for the opportunity to walk with them through their journey to ordination. Waving goodbye to them I waved hello to my next appointment of the day, my other ministerial student who is also a joy to spend time with. Is m so blessed to have these incredible students here following God's call. They bring life and joy to not only me but the entire congregation as they learn and grow.
As we finished up our appointment we received s call that we have a squatter at the church again sleepin in the side parking lot. So I then did a walk around where I found the personal belongings of someone sleeping there but no actual hot body. Telling myself that I would try looking for them later in the day, I headed to the Fire Station for a quick meeting with the Chief to get permission to recruit our students for my mental health triage team for the upcoming earthquake disaster drill. After receiving his okay I went and touched bases with their supervisors so they would know what I was doing.
Wrapping things up temporarily at the station I headed to my noon Kiwanis meeting that I had missed for several weeks. It was good to be there with friends, but an hour later I was headed back to the station for Union Negotiations. This is always an interesting process and we are making good headway and I am enjoying the negotiating team. But it is very time consuming. As the meeting went on I found myself increasingly uncomfortable and one of the paramedics finally asked me if I was okay? And did I need a breathing treatment? And I found that I really was not okay. I was short of breath, wheezy and very hoarse. So I spent the next 20 minutes receiving an emergency breathing treatment as we tried to continue negotiations. But treatment helped and we made it through and set our next meeting up. I took the time to text the requested update to my dr and realized that I had some other contacts to make as well.
Following the meeting I spent an impromptu hour giving encouragement and support to someone facing a serious surgery. Then I went and found my student interns and recruited them for my Mental Health Triage Team, promising that I would come before the event and do some mental health assessment training with them. I left some fairly excited students who were looking forward to something new and different to learn.
It was at that point that I realized that there was no way I was feeling physically able to drive an hour to Turner Oregon for my 6pm Directors meeting. So I texted my regrets and headed to the store to pick up dinner and head home.
Pulling up to the house I realized that someone had come by and stole my grass today. I do not think I have ever been so grateful at something missing from my house. But sure enough both front and back yards were mowed. So I started dinner on the stove and then went and found my neighbor man who I was sure was the grass thief. (which he was) and spent some time visiting with him. Running back into the house to turn off the dinging timer and rescue my dinner I dished up my plate and sat to watch some tv with dinner. And of course for some unknown reason cable was out. Sighing I picked up the out her remote and pulled up my Netflix account to watch a couple of x-file episodes.
By 7:30 I decided it was time to wash up for bed and read for a while. There I had a short in line counseling session with some in and chatted with a pastoral friend in southern Oregon. Finally picking up my book, I only read a few pages until I was asleep.
And that is my fairly normal day. Very busy with unexpected twists, but really a good day. Full of love and laughter and a sense of Gods presence. Just Connie
I jumped out of bed at 4:45am. Well jump might be generous, since I am on steroids, I only clocked a couple of hours of sleep. I pulled my protesting body out of bed at 4:45 am and head to yoga class. My lung function was down some more but I wa fully expecting to see an upswing throughout the day.
Wrapping up my yoga class, I drove home, showered and dressed for the day, fixed breakfast and threw in a load of wash. From there I headed to the church where I prepared the Chamber of Commerce minutes for the next morning and then began my online class again. In the midst of the class I had a phone counseling session with a parishioner. I had no sooner got that finished when my first appointment showed up. Spending an hour with one of my ministerial students is s joy and as I prayed with them, I was filled with gratitude for the opportunity to walk with them through their journey to ordination. Waving goodbye to them I waved hello to my next appointment of the day, my other ministerial student who is also a joy to spend time with. Is m so blessed to have these incredible students here following God's call. They bring life and joy to not only me but the entire congregation as they learn and grow.
As we finished up our appointment we received s call that we have a squatter at the church again sleepin in the side parking lot. So I then did a walk around where I found the personal belongings of someone sleeping there but no actual hot body. Telling myself that I would try looking for them later in the day, I headed to the Fire Station for a quick meeting with the Chief to get permission to recruit our students for my mental health triage team for the upcoming earthquake disaster drill. After receiving his okay I went and touched bases with their supervisors so they would know what I was doing.
Wrapping things up temporarily at the station I headed to my noon Kiwanis meeting that I had missed for several weeks. It was good to be there with friends, but an hour later I was headed back to the station for Union Negotiations. This is always an interesting process and we are making good headway and I am enjoying the negotiating team. But it is very time consuming. As the meeting went on I found myself increasingly uncomfortable and one of the paramedics finally asked me if I was okay? And did I need a breathing treatment? And I found that I really was not okay. I was short of breath, wheezy and very hoarse. So I spent the next 20 minutes receiving an emergency breathing treatment as we tried to continue negotiations. But treatment helped and we made it through and set our next meeting up. I took the time to text the requested update to my dr and realized that I had some other contacts to make as well.
Following the meeting I spent an impromptu hour giving encouragement and support to someone facing a serious surgery. Then I went and found my student interns and recruited them for my Mental Health Triage Team, promising that I would come before the event and do some mental health assessment training with them. I left some fairly excited students who were looking forward to something new and different to learn.
It was at that point that I realized that there was no way I was feeling physically able to drive an hour to Turner Oregon for my 6pm Directors meeting. So I texted my regrets and headed to the store to pick up dinner and head home.
Pulling up to the house I realized that someone had come by and stole my grass today. I do not think I have ever been so grateful at something missing from my house. But sure enough both front and back yards were mowed. So I started dinner on the stove and then went and found my neighbor man who I was sure was the grass thief. (which he was) and spent some time visiting with him. Running back into the house to turn off the dinging timer and rescue my dinner I dished up my plate and sat to watch some tv with dinner. And of course for some unknown reason cable was out. Sighing I picked up the out her remote and pulled up my Netflix account to watch a couple of x-file episodes.
By 7:30 I decided it was time to wash up for bed and read for a while. There I had a short in line counseling session with some in and chatted with a pastoral friend in southern Oregon. Finally picking up my book, I only read a few pages until I was asleep.
And that is my fairly normal day. Very busy with unexpected twists, but really a good day. Full of love and laughter and a sense of Gods presence. Just Connie
Tuesday, May 24, 2016
a Normal Day
I balanced on one leg as I took the weight out of my right leg. The nurse slowly injected the steroid that would be fighting the inflammation in my lungs and sinus's. Laughing as she adhered a Minion bandaid to my hip, I adjusted my clothing store and headed out of the treatment room. Stopping for a quick hug from my doctor, I checked on how long the culture would take to grow that they gathered and headed to the pharmacy to pick up the newest round of antibiotics that I was beginning to fight the resurgence of the infection.
Popping an antibiotic is the car, I swished it down with Diet Coke as I headed into the Fire Hall for a quick check in with the Chief. My quick check in, turned into an hour meeting before I was able to head back to the office to get started on my backlog of work.
Pulling up my e-mail I spent the next 30 minutes answering questions and emailing bio's for the upcoming Free Methodist Conference Committee elections. Then I pulled up the 6 hour online certification course I needed to get started on and worked steadily until lunch. Then I ran to the bank, picked up some lunch and headed home to rest for a couple of hours.
After a couple of hours rest, I put on my yoga clothes and headed back to the church to work some more on my online certification. I worked steadily until it was time to head to yoga for my second class of the day. Arriving there, I set up the classroom, signed students in and finally perched on my mat for the beginning of class.
Finishing class I chatted with my dr (who is the instructor) as he checked in on how my lungs were doing and at last headed home for a late dinner and then bed.
Tomorrow I will pop out of bed for an early morning yoga class and then hit the ground running. It looks to be a busy day. I am hoping that my dropping lung function will stabilize and my breathing will get better after tomorrow's steroid shot.
I only have a week to go till my sinus surgery. So if we can keep the infection knocked down, perhaps the end is in sight. That would make life a lot less complicated.
Less complicated would be a very good thing.....
Just Connie
Popping an antibiotic is the car, I swished it down with Diet Coke as I headed into the Fire Hall for a quick check in with the Chief. My quick check in, turned into an hour meeting before I was able to head back to the office to get started on my backlog of work.
Pulling up my e-mail I spent the next 30 minutes answering questions and emailing bio's for the upcoming Free Methodist Conference Committee elections. Then I pulled up the 6 hour online certification course I needed to get started on and worked steadily until lunch. Then I ran to the bank, picked up some lunch and headed home to rest for a couple of hours.
After a couple of hours rest, I put on my yoga clothes and headed back to the church to work some more on my online certification. I worked steadily until it was time to head to yoga for my second class of the day. Arriving there, I set up the classroom, signed students in and finally perched on my mat for the beginning of class.
Finishing class I chatted with my dr (who is the instructor) as he checked in on how my lungs were doing and at last headed home for a late dinner and then bed.
Tomorrow I will pop out of bed for an early morning yoga class and then hit the ground running. It looks to be a busy day. I am hoping that my dropping lung function will stabilize and my breathing will get better after tomorrow's steroid shot.
I only have a week to go till my sinus surgery. So if we can keep the infection knocked down, perhaps the end is in sight. That would make life a lot less complicated.
Less complicated would be a very good thing.....
Just Connie
Training
It seems that I spend a lot of time in training and classes. Pastoral training, fire training, chaplaincy training .... And today training for certification in Mental Health Disaster Triage and Treatment. It has so far been a very good refresher and it will be good to wrap it up tomorrow.
In just a couple of weeks I will be part of the Cascadia Rising Drill. It is a joint drill between Tribe, first responders and county personnel to hel prepare us for the Cascadia Subduction Zone Earthquake. I have been asked by the tribe to be the Mental Health Unit Leader. So I am preparing hand outs and forms to be used by my team during the drill.
I have to admit that I love doing this and I am grateful for the opportunity to lead something that I not only enjoy doing but something I do well. I am looking forward to training others and for the chance to run through the drill and see where some of our weaknesses are.
I think I am going to try to recruit some of our new Fire Students and see if they want a mental health crash course. I need to recruit another two people to fill my team out. I think they will be glad of the opportunity and glad to learn some new skills.
I really think that it events like this that help keep me fresh and young. Learning new things, having new experiences is good for me. Who knows everything I will learn by the time I get through this? It reminds me that there are good things ahead.
That makes it easier to embrace the journey ...
Just Connie
In just a couple of weeks I will be part of the Cascadia Rising Drill. It is a joint drill between Tribe, first responders and county personnel to hel prepare us for the Cascadia Subduction Zone Earthquake. I have been asked by the tribe to be the Mental Health Unit Leader. So I am preparing hand outs and forms to be used by my team during the drill.
I have to admit that I love doing this and I am grateful for the opportunity to lead something that I not only enjoy doing but something I do well. I am looking forward to training others and for the chance to run through the drill and see where some of our weaknesses are.
I think I am going to try to recruit some of our new Fire Students and see if they want a mental health crash course. I need to recruit another two people to fill my team out. I think they will be glad of the opportunity and glad to learn some new skills.
I really think that it events like this that help keep me fresh and young. Learning new things, having new experiences is good for me. Who knows everything I will learn by the time I get through this? It reminds me that there are good things ahead.
That makes it easier to embrace the journey ...
Just Connie
Friday, May 20, 2016
Today
I rolled out of bed and blearily tried to turn off the alarm. How could it possibly be 4:45 all read? But yet it was, so I jumped out of bed, let the dog out and got clean up and dressed for yoga. By 7:15 I was back home and quickly getting cleaned up, dressed and packed for my hiking trip.
By 8:15 I was packed, Hope Puppy was in the car with her pack and I was on my way to the Dr's office for a steroid shot. By 8:45 I was at the Fire Hall (rubbing my hip those steroid shots hurt) and taking my Fire Turnouts into the station to make room for the packs of those riding with me today. By 9:45 we were all packed up and on our way To the Marion Lake Trail. By 12:00 we were on the trail and heading up into some beautiful country.
The weather was much nicer than we were expecting and we enjoyed a leisurely hike up the trail past Lake Ann and then skirting Marion Lake. We saw Three Fingered Jack and some gorgeous waterways. Took one wrong turn which allowed us to see some spectacular views and 7.2 miles later we were leading everything into the car and heading home.
We stopped in Salem for dinner about 8, exchanged photos, posted to Facebook and enjoyed relaxing and rehashing the trip. We stopped at the Sports Store and pucked up the life jackets we need for our padleboard trip and by 10pm I was finally unpacking my car at home.
It was a wonderful day. Full of challenge and friends and lots of laughter. It was the kind of day that breathes new life into me.
And that feels pretty good .....
Just Connie
By 8:15 I was packed, Hope Puppy was in the car with her pack and I was on my way to the Dr's office for a steroid shot. By 8:45 I was at the Fire Hall (rubbing my hip those steroid shots hurt) and taking my Fire Turnouts into the station to make room for the packs of those riding with me today. By 9:45 we were all packed up and on our way To the Marion Lake Trail. By 12:00 we were on the trail and heading up into some beautiful country.
The weather was much nicer than we were expecting and we enjoyed a leisurely hike up the trail past Lake Ann and then skirting Marion Lake. We saw Three Fingered Jack and some gorgeous waterways. Took one wrong turn which allowed us to see some spectacular views and 7.2 miles later we were leading everything into the car and heading home.
We stopped in Salem for dinner about 8, exchanged photos, posted to Facebook and enjoyed relaxing and rehashing the trip. We stopped at the Sports Store and pucked up the life jackets we need for our padleboard trip and by 10pm I was finally unpacking my car at home.
It was a wonderful day. Full of challenge and friends and lots of laughter. It was the kind of day that breathes new life into me.
And that feels pretty good .....
Just Connie
Wednesday, May 18, 2016
Frustration
I have some really good doctors who all seem very invested in getting me better. That is a pretty good gift. Sometimes I think I have too many doctors, but they are pretty good about working together as a team. And my primary care Dr has agreed to be the point person in developing a treatment plan and helping oversee all of the treatment plans.
Today, I saw my Ear, Nose and Throat Specialist. He has been trying to get me into the Sinus Clinic up at OHSU to see if there is anything else we could be doing. Because I have been sick again, he decided to run a scope into my sinuses and take a look. He also decided to take a look at my vocal cords since I am so hoarse. That is also done with a scope and through my sinus. I have to say that the procedure was .... Uhmmmm .... Well uncomfortable. But it got done.
What he found, is that there are no tumors, nodes, or lesions on my vocal cords. That is good news, however it also means the constant hoarseness is probably from the constant coughing and drainage from my sinus. He also found that the frontal sinus was still a problem. The very sinus that we had been trying to get a balloon procedure done on. But the insurance company has consistently refused to approve it for over a year.
The good news is that there is a new balloon device and the company that developed it has agreed to work with the doctor and next week they will train him and use me as the Guinea Pig. It is a win/win for both of us and could potentially save me from having to have another full surgery again.
So next Wednesday I will report to the hospital for the procedure and perhaps have an answer for this constant round of infections. At least that is my hope. Oh and by the way, on my way home I got a call from the Sinus Clinic at OHSU. They will not see me because they do not like my insurance.
Insurance companies are very, very frustrating.
Today, I saw my Ear, Nose and Throat Specialist. He has been trying to get me into the Sinus Clinic up at OHSU to see if there is anything else we could be doing. Because I have been sick again, he decided to run a scope into my sinuses and take a look. He also decided to take a look at my vocal cords since I am so hoarse. That is also done with a scope and through my sinus. I have to say that the procedure was .... Uhmmmm .... Well uncomfortable. But it got done.
What he found, is that there are no tumors, nodes, or lesions on my vocal cords. That is good news, however it also means the constant hoarseness is probably from the constant coughing and drainage from my sinus. He also found that the frontal sinus was still a problem. The very sinus that we had been trying to get a balloon procedure done on. But the insurance company has consistently refused to approve it for over a year.
The good news is that there is a new balloon device and the company that developed it has agreed to work with the doctor and next week they will train him and use me as the Guinea Pig. It is a win/win for both of us and could potentially save me from having to have another full surgery again.
So next Wednesday I will report to the hospital for the procedure and perhaps have an answer for this constant round of infections. At least that is my hope. Oh and by the way, on my way home I got a call from the Sinus Clinic at OHSU. They will not see me because they do not like my insurance.
Insurance companies are very, very frustrating.
Monday, May 16, 2016
Pranked!
I was tired after a long day teaching at the women's retreat. It was after 10:00pm when I finally delivered the last person to their rooms, parked my car back on the bottom parking lot and hiked back up the hill. It was raining hard and I shrugged into my Fire Department raincoat for the hike back up the hill thankful for the protection it offered.
Walking in pro the room, I was surprised to walk into a dark room. How had I beat everyone else back? And then I heard the giggles. Turning on one small light I saw there as a long balloon tied from the shower door to the bathroom door in front of me. Carefully bending under it in case there were any booby traps, I heard a laughing voice tell me to turn on the lights. As I searched for the switches in a dark room, I could hear multiple giggles and whispers. Finally finding the switches, I tried to focus as the room sprang into full light. There were balloons everywhere. Balloons with faces, balloons that were lit up ... Lots and lots of balloons. Laughing I kept looking around the room trying to take it all in.
And then I saw my bed .... Completely shrink wrapped. Pillow, bedding everything nice and tidy under layers of celephane. By then the guilty culprits were laughing so hard, I knew who was involved .... Everyone! Grabbing a long balloon off my bed, I bent it in a circle and went after the guilty as they laughed and ducked for cover. After some judicious bops for each of them, I turned back to my bed. Feeling the tension of the celephane I finally flopped down on top of it all and remarked how nice and comfy it was. But finally, I got up and began to unwrap my bed. That is when I discovered there were layers to the shrink wrap. The next layer down had lots of colored feathers, so when you pulled the celephane off the feathers poofed up in the air. Laughing, I deposited them on the heads of the guilty and continued to unwrap my bed. The bottom layer had more balloons and squirrels! Two stuffed squirrels were found in my pillow and sleeping bag. I carefully tucked them in for the night as we talked and laughed.
40 minutes later as I was finally preparing for bed, my heart was full of love and laughter. I loved the prank and it let me know I was loved and cared for. I told them that in my family growing up, teasing was a love language.
I am so grateful for these women, for their love and support and their generous hearts. It has been such a privilege to journey with them. They add so much to my life in so many ways. What a joy it has been to watch them learn and grow and step into ministry and leadership. I am excited for the journey we have ahead for all of us.
And besides ... I am now plotting how I can get even with them ...this should be fun!
Just Connie
Walking in pro the room, I was surprised to walk into a dark room. How had I beat everyone else back? And then I heard the giggles. Turning on one small light I saw there as a long balloon tied from the shower door to the bathroom door in front of me. Carefully bending under it in case there were any booby traps, I heard a laughing voice tell me to turn on the lights. As I searched for the switches in a dark room, I could hear multiple giggles and whispers. Finally finding the switches, I tried to focus as the room sprang into full light. There were balloons everywhere. Balloons with faces, balloons that were lit up ... Lots and lots of balloons. Laughing I kept looking around the room trying to take it all in.
And then I saw my bed .... Completely shrink wrapped. Pillow, bedding everything nice and tidy under layers of celephane. By then the guilty culprits were laughing so hard, I knew who was involved .... Everyone! Grabbing a long balloon off my bed, I bent it in a circle and went after the guilty as they laughed and ducked for cover. After some judicious bops for each of them, I turned back to my bed. Feeling the tension of the celephane I finally flopped down on top of it all and remarked how nice and comfy it was. But finally, I got up and began to unwrap my bed. That is when I discovered there were layers to the shrink wrap. The next layer down had lots of colored feathers, so when you pulled the celephane off the feathers poofed up in the air. Laughing, I deposited them on the heads of the guilty and continued to unwrap my bed. The bottom layer had more balloons and squirrels! Two stuffed squirrels were found in my pillow and sleeping bag. I carefully tucked them in for the night as we talked and laughed.
40 minutes later as I was finally preparing for bed, my heart was full of love and laughter. I loved the prank and it let me know I was loved and cared for. I told them that in my family growing up, teasing was a love language.
I am so grateful for these women, for their love and support and their generous hearts. It has been such a privilege to journey with them. They add so much to my life in so many ways. What a joy it has been to watch them learn and grow and step into ministry and leadership. I am excited for the journey we have ahead for all of us.
And besides ... I am now plotting how I can get even with them ...this should be fun!
Just Connie
Sunday, May 15, 2016
Blessed
I spent the last three days at a women's retreat. I was asked to teach a workshop on community service. In fact three back to back workshops an hour long each. I have been working hard the last month or so both on preparing the material for the workshop and getting healthy enough to teach.
One of my main concerns has been my voice. I have been so hoarse over the course of this illness and have actually been advised to not sing. (Which has been incredibly hard for me) I did not realize how much I was singing everyday though until I could not sing. I have to admit that my voice has been pretty rough and without much breath or tone control. So I have actually been a very compliant patient as I have followed Dr's orders throughout this latest round of infections and lung downturn.
I saw the Dr early Friday morning and I was told to monitor lung function and text him with updates. If there was the slightest downturn he wanted me to come back for a steroid shot. I just wanted to get through the workshops and share what God has been teaching me. So I headed to Retreat with the expectation that everything would be fine.
Saturday morning I jumped out of bed, checked my blood sugar and took my lung function. I was concerned to see that my lung function was no longer moving up, but it had not dropped. My ankles and legs were also swollen which meant another round of lasix for me. I could feel the fluid retention in my lungs and I sighed as I poked my ankles.
Zipping my boots up, I gathered my materials and began to prepare for the workshops, noting that my voice was hoarse. As I waited for the first class, I prayed for those who would come, that God might show them new possibilities and stretch all of us. I carefully arranged my Fire Department turnouts in the front of the class and began to greet those who were coming in.
The classes went very well, but I got hoarser as the day went on. I met some wonderful people and shocked a lot of people as I shared what I was doing with the fire department. But I have to admit that by the last class I was more than ready to make the climb back to my room and rest.
By evening I was coughing a bit more and by the next morning my lung function had dropped some. Texting an update to the dr with the news of a slight turndown. He told me to meet him at the office for a steroid shot.
As I drove the hour back to his office, I reflected on how blessed I was. Blessed to have the opportunity to share what I am learning. Blessed by the incredible people I had met at this year's retreat. Blessed by the wonderful worship and speaker. And blessed by a Dr who cares enough to monitor me closely and be willing to meet me on a Sunday to help.
It is a good thing to be blessed. I pray that I will always be able to count my blessings and live in the joy that it brings.
Just Connie
One of my main concerns has been my voice. I have been so hoarse over the course of this illness and have actually been advised to not sing. (Which has been incredibly hard for me) I did not realize how much I was singing everyday though until I could not sing. I have to admit that my voice has been pretty rough and without much breath or tone control. So I have actually been a very compliant patient as I have followed Dr's orders throughout this latest round of infections and lung downturn.
I saw the Dr early Friday morning and I was told to monitor lung function and text him with updates. If there was the slightest downturn he wanted me to come back for a steroid shot. I just wanted to get through the workshops and share what God has been teaching me. So I headed to Retreat with the expectation that everything would be fine.
Saturday morning I jumped out of bed, checked my blood sugar and took my lung function. I was concerned to see that my lung function was no longer moving up, but it had not dropped. My ankles and legs were also swollen which meant another round of lasix for me. I could feel the fluid retention in my lungs and I sighed as I poked my ankles.
Zipping my boots up, I gathered my materials and began to prepare for the workshops, noting that my voice was hoarse. As I waited for the first class, I prayed for those who would come, that God might show them new possibilities and stretch all of us. I carefully arranged my Fire Department turnouts in the front of the class and began to greet those who were coming in.
The classes went very well, but I got hoarser as the day went on. I met some wonderful people and shocked a lot of people as I shared what I was doing with the fire department. But I have to admit that by the last class I was more than ready to make the climb back to my room and rest.
By evening I was coughing a bit more and by the next morning my lung function had dropped some. Texting an update to the dr with the news of a slight turndown. He told me to meet him at the office for a steroid shot.
As I drove the hour back to his office, I reflected on how blessed I was. Blessed to have the opportunity to share what I am learning. Blessed by the incredible people I had met at this year's retreat. Blessed by the wonderful worship and speaker. And blessed by a Dr who cares enough to monitor me closely and be willing to meet me on a Sunday to help.
It is a good thing to be blessed. I pray that I will always be able to count my blessings and live in the joy that it brings.
Just Connie
Friday, May 13, 2016
Precious Gifts
I have not found a good way to explain my illness to people. Most people do not know that I have a serious immune illness, but most know that I have been sick. I have been fielding questions since I arrived at the retreat center two hours ago.
When casual aquaintences ask how I am feeling, I tell them I am "working on it". When friends who have known some of the struggle ask, I am trying to be honest and say, "I am not doing well, but I am blessed and happy". I just had one of those hard conversations with a dear couple who did not realize that I was fighting a potentially fatal disease. They made the comment that they were so surprised to see my posts of me skiing, hiking and out fighting fires knowing that I had been sick. But as I told them, when I was told that I had a potentially fatal disease I decided that I was not going to sit around and wait to get better to do things. I decided over a year ago that I was going to live each day that I had been given fully and completely.
And I have to admit that has been a driving force in how active I choose to be. I am not willing to take any of the days I have been given for granted. Each and every day is a precious gift and I will do now all the things that I love, the things that give me life.
I do not believe that is a bad philosophy, but it is a mind set that many of the people who love me struggle with. They want to see me rest more, and be much more cautious in how I am spending my time. As much as I love them, I cannot concede to the life they want for me.
I want to live .. Full and free and joyous. I want to savor my friendships and invest my time in things that give me life and bring other people life.
I am so grateful for the love and support that are showered on me. I hope that even as I live as I choose and not as they want for me, they will understand how much I appreciate their desire to protect me and their love and support.
Love is too precious and too rare to ever be taken for granted. I hope that somehow they will know how much I love them.
Just Connie
When casual aquaintences ask how I am feeling, I tell them I am "working on it". When friends who have known some of the struggle ask, I am trying to be honest and say, "I am not doing well, but I am blessed and happy". I just had one of those hard conversations with a dear couple who did not realize that I was fighting a potentially fatal disease. They made the comment that they were so surprised to see my posts of me skiing, hiking and out fighting fires knowing that I had been sick. But as I told them, when I was told that I had a potentially fatal disease I decided that I was not going to sit around and wait to get better to do things. I decided over a year ago that I was going to live each day that I had been given fully and completely.
And I have to admit that has been a driving force in how active I choose to be. I am not willing to take any of the days I have been given for granted. Each and every day is a precious gift and I will do now all the things that I love, the things that give me life.
I do not believe that is a bad philosophy, but it is a mind set that many of the people who love me struggle with. They want to see me rest more, and be much more cautious in how I am spending my time. As much as I love them, I cannot concede to the life they want for me.
I want to live .. Full and free and joyous. I want to savor my friendships and invest my time in things that give me life and bring other people life.
I am so grateful for the love and support that are showered on me. I hope that even as I live as I choose and not as they want for me, they will understand how much I appreciate their desire to protect me and their love and support.
Love is too precious and too rare to ever be taken for granted. I hope that somehow they will know how much I love them.
Just Connie
Wednesday, May 11, 2016
A Worthwhile Day
I was in bed sleeping when the ringing phone finally woke me up. I woke up in a hurry, when I realized that it was dispatch and I was being dispatched to a death in a nearby community. I hurriedly threw some clothes on and headed out hoping that I was not forgetting anything vital.
Arriving n scene I introduced myself to the family and began preparing them for the things that would be happening in the next few hours. A death at home has extra steps. The sherif has to respond and the medical examiner has to sign off on it. As the clock was ticking towards the four hour mark I was just helping to load the deceased onto the funeral home gurney when my raining phone directed me to a wild fire about 10 miles away. Arriving on scene, I threw my Wildland fire gear on and hiked into the scene to find command and see where they wanted me. For the next four hours I took photos, interviewed the property owners (who actually recognized me from a funeral I did the week before) and encouraged the crew. Finally we had the fire out and I began texting photos and a brief write up to some of my media contacts.
Arriving at the station, I downloaded my photos, updated the Facebook page and received an emergency breathing treatment for my complaining lungs. I finally headed home to put my feet up and get some dinner. I had been home about 10 minutes when dispatch called to send me to a fatal car wreck.
As I headed towards the scene I soon realize that getting through the traffic in my own car was going to be challenging. (And that is why Chief tries to get me to drive a department rig when I am heading to an accident) But finally I was close enough to see emergency lights ahead and I pulled over and hiked in. For the next few hours, I comforted witnesses, encouraged the crew and watched things unfold.
By the time I was ready to be released from the scene, one of the ODOT guys took pity on me and drove me to my car. By then I was nothing that I was wheezing again and way past due for an emergency breathing treatment.. So arriving at the station, I presented myself to one of the paramedics and got my second treatment. By the time we were done the rest of the crews were arriving home. For the next hour, rigs were washed, hoses dealt with and tired, tired people headed to bed. I waved goodbye to them with the promise I would be in the next afternoon for debriefing with them.
About 11:00 I made it home, had a piece of toast and rolled into bed. Tired but absolutely knowing that I had done something worthwhile.
And that is a pretty good way to end the day.
Just Connie
Arriving n scene I introduced myself to the family and began preparing them for the things that would be happening in the next few hours. A death at home has extra steps. The sherif has to respond and the medical examiner has to sign off on it. As the clock was ticking towards the four hour mark I was just helping to load the deceased onto the funeral home gurney when my raining phone directed me to a wild fire about 10 miles away. Arriving on scene, I threw my Wildland fire gear on and hiked into the scene to find command and see where they wanted me. For the next four hours I took photos, interviewed the property owners (who actually recognized me from a funeral I did the week before) and encouraged the crew. Finally we had the fire out and I began texting photos and a brief write up to some of my media contacts.
Arriving at the station, I downloaded my photos, updated the Facebook page and received an emergency breathing treatment for my complaining lungs. I finally headed home to put my feet up and get some dinner. I had been home about 10 minutes when dispatch called to send me to a fatal car wreck.
As I headed towards the scene I soon realize that getting through the traffic in my own car was going to be challenging. (And that is why Chief tries to get me to drive a department rig when I am heading to an accident) But finally I was close enough to see emergency lights ahead and I pulled over and hiked in. For the next few hours, I comforted witnesses, encouraged the crew and watched things unfold.
By the time I was ready to be released from the scene, one of the ODOT guys took pity on me and drove me to my car. By then I was nothing that I was wheezing again and way past due for an emergency breathing treatment.. So arriving at the station, I presented myself to one of the paramedics and got my second treatment. By the time we were done the rest of the crews were arriving home. For the next hour, rigs were washed, hoses dealt with and tired, tired people headed to bed. I waved goodbye to them with the promise I would be in the next afternoon for debriefing with them.
About 11:00 I made it home, had a piece of toast and rolled into bed. Tired but absolutely knowing that I had done something worthwhile.
And that is a pretty good way to end the day.
Just Connie
Monday, May 9, 2016
Flare Up
My doctor pulled the stethoscope from his ears, clasped my hands and said, "I want to cry when I listen to your lungs." As my eyes filled with tears, I laid my head on his shoulder and cried. Months of ongoing infections and up and down lung function were definitely taking a toll both emotionally and physically on me. My doctor has gone over and beyond the call of duty as he has worked trying to get breathing, lungs and infections under control. And now I was in the midst of the the infection flaring back up and compromising my lungs.
I sat and listened as he recommended another round of antibiotics (only off for 3 days this time) and daily steroid shots until I stabilized and the wheezing, coughing and shortness of breath began to ease up. And of course the twice a day text messages to let him know how I am doing.
I left with a renewed respect and admiration for my family doctor. For his willingness to monitor me so closely, fit me into his schedule, and his incredible compassion. He encourages and stretches me in so many ways. I am very fortunate in having him as a doctor and friend. I have to believe he is one of those gifts that God gives me.
He reminds me every once in a while that I am the world's most closely monitored patient outside of an ICU unit. I see him in class 8-9 times a week (and he watches pretty closely. He caught me wheezing this morning) I see him in the office most weeks and I spend a large portion of the rest of the week with paramedics and EMTs. They certainly do not let me get away with anything. Which is why I got a breathing treatment at the Firehall tonight. (The Chief caught me wheezing)
And though I sometimes get a bit scared about what my breathing is doing, I realize I have an incredible support system. Both medically and with friends who care. That is gift that I am very, very thankful for. I think I need to focus more on the blessings I have, then the things I am struggling with. Less about me and more of ... everything else.
Whatever is pure, whatever is right ... Think on these things.
Just Connie
I sat and listened as he recommended another round of antibiotics (only off for 3 days this time) and daily steroid shots until I stabilized and the wheezing, coughing and shortness of breath began to ease up. And of course the twice a day text messages to let him know how I am doing.
I left with a renewed respect and admiration for my family doctor. For his willingness to monitor me so closely, fit me into his schedule, and his incredible compassion. He encourages and stretches me in so many ways. I am very fortunate in having him as a doctor and friend. I have to believe he is one of those gifts that God gives me.
He reminds me every once in a while that I am the world's most closely monitored patient outside of an ICU unit. I see him in class 8-9 times a week (and he watches pretty closely. He caught me wheezing this morning) I see him in the office most weeks and I spend a large portion of the rest of the week with paramedics and EMTs. They certainly do not let me get away with anything. Which is why I got a breathing treatment at the Firehall tonight. (The Chief caught me wheezing)
And though I sometimes get a bit scared about what my breathing is doing, I realize I have an incredible support system. Both medically and with friends who care. That is gift that I am very, very thankful for. I think I need to focus more on the blessings I have, then the things I am struggling with. Less about me and more of ... everything else.
Whatever is pure, whatever is right ... Think on these things.
Just Connie
Sunday, May 8, 2016
Busy Day
It was the sound of my ringing phone that roused me from a deep sleep. The sound of the Y-Com dispatcher chased the last bit of sleep from me as I jumped out of bed and hurriedly threw my clothes on to head to the cardiac arrest I had just been dispatched to.
For the next four hours I comforted family members of the deceased, made the call to the funeral home and worked with deputies as we walked the family through an at home death. As I was helping the funeral home and the deputy move the deceased to the gurney, my phone rang again. This time to be dispatched to a Wildland fire.
Arriving at the scene of the wild fire, I met with the duty officer and got a quick report on the status of the fire. For the next two hours I took pictures, comforted the home owners who were watching the fire move towards their home and encouraged crew members.
When the fire had finally been out out, I headed back to the station to download photos and wrap up the morning events. As I walked into the station my stomach growled and I realized that I had missed breakfast and lunch. I also realized that I was wheezing like a pug dog. The Chief listened to my breathing and ordered me to have one of the paramedics give me an emergency breathing treatment.
As the breathing treatment was finishing, the pizza that the Chief had ordered arrived to feed all of us. I do not know when pizza had tasted so good. As we visited and went over the morning events the stations emergency tones rang out and the medics ran out to answer yet another injury call.
Finishing at the station I headed home, making a quick stop at the church to take the photos that had been requested by denominational headquarters of the Church's Saturday night dinners for the needy and homeless. As I walked into the house I began stripping off my smoky and sweaty clothes with Hope Puppy leaping around me. Wrapping a clean shirt around me I sank wearily down on the couch and put my tired feet up.
It was about then that Y-com dispatcher called again and requested that I respond to a traffic fatality. With a sigh, I threw my clothes on and headed to the accident scene. Of course since traffic was at a standstill that meant I had to park on the shoulder of the highway and hike the 3/4 of a mile to the scene. Wheezing and coughing as I arrived on scene, I listened to the scene overview from our duty officer and soon I was busy at work.
2 hours later, I thankfully got a ride from the Odot supervisor back to my car and headed to the station. Once at the station I received yet another breathing treatment and waited for the last of the crews to arrive. I finally headed home after setting up an appointment with the crew for a debriefing for the tomorrow afternoon.
Now I am curled up in bed. Tired, but knowing that what I did today made a difference in the lives of a lot of different people.
I think that is a pretty good way to end the day.
Just Connie
For the next four hours I comforted family members of the deceased, made the call to the funeral home and worked with deputies as we walked the family through an at home death. As I was helping the funeral home and the deputy move the deceased to the gurney, my phone rang again. This time to be dispatched to a Wildland fire.
Arriving at the scene of the wild fire, I met with the duty officer and got a quick report on the status of the fire. For the next two hours I took pictures, comforted the home owners who were watching the fire move towards their home and encouraged crew members.
When the fire had finally been out out, I headed back to the station to download photos and wrap up the morning events. As I walked into the station my stomach growled and I realized that I had missed breakfast and lunch. I also realized that I was wheezing like a pug dog. The Chief listened to my breathing and ordered me to have one of the paramedics give me an emergency breathing treatment.
As the breathing treatment was finishing, the pizza that the Chief had ordered arrived to feed all of us. I do not know when pizza had tasted so good. As we visited and went over the morning events the stations emergency tones rang out and the medics ran out to answer yet another injury call.
Finishing at the station I headed home, making a quick stop at the church to take the photos that had been requested by denominational headquarters of the Church's Saturday night dinners for the needy and homeless. As I walked into the house I began stripping off my smoky and sweaty clothes with Hope Puppy leaping around me. Wrapping a clean shirt around me I sank wearily down on the couch and put my tired feet up.
It was about then that Y-com dispatcher called again and requested that I respond to a traffic fatality. With a sigh, I threw my clothes on and headed to the accident scene. Of course since traffic was at a standstill that meant I had to park on the shoulder of the highway and hike the 3/4 of a mile to the scene. Wheezing and coughing as I arrived on scene, I listened to the scene overview from our duty officer and soon I was busy at work.
2 hours later, I thankfully got a ride from the Odot supervisor back to my car and headed to the station. Once at the station I received yet another breathing treatment and waited for the last of the crews to arrive. I finally headed home after setting up an appointment with the crew for a debriefing for the tomorrow afternoon.
Now I am curled up in bed. Tired, but knowing that what I did today made a difference in the lives of a lot of different people.
I think that is a pretty good way to end the day.
Just Connie
Friday, May 6, 2016
Mean Connie
One of the very fun things I get to do with the Fire Department is to be part of the interviews for new potential hires. My specific job is to do the Conflict Resolution Interview. I am given a role play scenario that involves me coming into the station in a rage. I get to yell, scream, be rude ... It is sooooo much fun!
One of the challenges has been to keep a straight face, especially if it is someone I know. This time out of the 13 people, I knew 3 of them. One of them had confided in me, that he was nervous about our upcoming interview. He had heard from the other guys, that he would meet "mean Connie" and he was having trouble picturing how that was possible. I laughed and told him he would do well.
As we began our interview together I gave him an overview of what we would be doing and told him that his job was to calm me down and find a resolution to the problem. So I walked out of the room and came in yelling "Who is in charge here?" His eyes got big and he rocked back on his feet and looked so very shocked. But he recovered well and remained calm, considerate as I yelled, raged and was as rude as I could possibly be. He even found a solution that would make me happy.
As he left the interview, he paused in the doorway and said, "I think I peed myself a little. You were terrifying." He doesn't know it, but he made my day. And I know that a new round of "mean Connie" stories would soon be circulating around the Fire Station.
I mean who wouldn't love a job like this?
Just Connie
One of the challenges has been to keep a straight face, especially if it is someone I know. This time out of the 13 people, I knew 3 of them. One of them had confided in me, that he was nervous about our upcoming interview. He had heard from the other guys, that he would meet "mean Connie" and he was having trouble picturing how that was possible. I laughed and told him he would do well.
As we began our interview together I gave him an overview of what we would be doing and told him that his job was to calm me down and find a resolution to the problem. So I walked out of the room and came in yelling "Who is in charge here?" His eyes got big and he rocked back on his feet and looked so very shocked. But he recovered well and remained calm, considerate as I yelled, raged and was as rude as I could possibly be. He even found a solution that would make me happy.
As he left the interview, he paused in the doorway and said, "I think I peed myself a little. You were terrifying." He doesn't know it, but he made my day. And I know that a new round of "mean Connie" stories would soon be circulating around the Fire Station.
I mean who wouldn't love a job like this?
Just Connie
The Call
The call came in while I was eating breakfast. "Can you come down to the station? We had a DOA car accident last night. We would like you to debrief with us." Saying goodbye to my breakfast companions I headed down to the Fire Station. For the next hour I sat and listened, asked questions and listened some more as they told me about the call. As we wrapped things up, I gave them some of the symptoms to watch for that would indicate they needed additional processing time. And told them I would come back to talk anytime.
I am so amazed by these young men and the incredible way they put their lives on the line to help others. I am amazed at the depth of their caring and amazed that I get to work with them. I am so thankful for the opportunities I have been given to get to know them, drill with them and learn so many new things. It adds such joy and reminds me that what I am doing makes a difference.
I hope that I can bless them as much as they bless me. Who knew that sleepless nights and hours spent in my turnouts could be so much fun.
I can hardly wait for the next call.
Just Connie
I am so amazed by these young men and the incredible way they put their lives on the line to help others. I am amazed at the depth of their caring and amazed that I get to work with them. I am so thankful for the opportunities I have been given to get to know them, drill with them and learn so many new things. It adds such joy and reminds me that what I am doing makes a difference.
I hope that I can bless them as much as they bless me. Who knew that sleepless nights and hours spent in my turnouts could be so much fun.
I can hardly wait for the next call.
Just Connie
Monday, May 2, 2016
The Things I Do
"You are doing too much!" That seems to be a common complaint from family and friends. I usually laugh and go and do what I want, but I can tell that it completely baffles them why I am not curled up on the couch with a good book. "You are ill, you need to rest" is usually the second half of the complaint. I know that they are concerned for me and that they want me to be healthy, but it seems very difficult to explain why I do the things I do.
When you are diagnosed with a life threatening disease it causes you to evaluate your life. It causes you to figure out what is important and what you want to do with the days that are remaining to you. For me it brought me some new understanding of the things that drive me and the things that are truly my core beliefs.
God First. I want to live my life in a way that is pleasing to God, a life that will prove the reality of His existence, a life that is guided, empowered and focused.
Family Matters. I want my family to know that I love them, that I pray for them and somehow let them know that they are important to me.
I Want My Life to Make a Difference. I want to live my life in such a way that it changes the world or at least my little part of it. I want to serve and invest in people's lives in such a way that it makes their lives better, makes them better..
I Want To Grow. I want to challenge myself and learn new things.
I Want To Serve. I want to serve the people around me, serve the church and serve the community.
I do not know how many days are left to me. I guess no one does. But I want to live the days I have left with enthusiasm and joy. I do not want to spend it weeping on the couch at the unfairness of life. I want to embrace each moment, seek new challenges and I want to love abundantly.
So I will push myself to do things even when I do not feel like it, even when I do not feel good. I am going to hike, ski and paddleboard. I am going to go to yoga classes and rappel off buildings. I am going to throw my turnouts on and head out with the Fire Department. I am going to live ... live well, live fully and live doing the things that breathes life into me.
I am going to live the moments ... because when you come right down to it, it is all any of us have.
Just Connie
When you are diagnosed with a life threatening disease it causes you to evaluate your life. It causes you to figure out what is important and what you want to do with the days that are remaining to you. For me it brought me some new understanding of the things that drive me and the things that are truly my core beliefs.
God First. I want to live my life in a way that is pleasing to God, a life that will prove the reality of His existence, a life that is guided, empowered and focused.
Family Matters. I want my family to know that I love them, that I pray for them and somehow let them know that they are important to me.
I Want My Life to Make a Difference. I want to live my life in such a way that it changes the world or at least my little part of it. I want to serve and invest in people's lives in such a way that it makes their lives better, makes them better..
I Want To Grow. I want to challenge myself and learn new things.
I Want To Serve. I want to serve the people around me, serve the church and serve the community.
I do not know how many days are left to me. I guess no one does. But I want to live the days I have left with enthusiasm and joy. I do not want to spend it weeping on the couch at the unfairness of life. I want to embrace each moment, seek new challenges and I want to love abundantly.
So I will push myself to do things even when I do not feel like it, even when I do not feel good. I am going to hike, ski and paddleboard. I am going to go to yoga classes and rappel off buildings. I am going to throw my turnouts on and head out with the Fire Department. I am going to live ... live well, live fully and live doing the things that breathes life into me.
I am going to live the moments ... because when you come right down to it, it is all any of us have.
Just Connie
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